Obama 2nd Term like Blended Family Trials?

President Obama. Benghazi.  IRS.  AP. 
Bumps in the Journey are Appearing Weekly.

The topic of this blog post is Politics and Divorce. I'm not going to lambast any President. Don't believe in that.  Blended Family life is my the tie in here, or I wouldn't write.  A 2nd term for Presidents often holds bumps just as 2nd marriages do. Stepfamily life can lead to the 'opposition' pointing out all mistakes... broadcasting faults, slip ups, blame and antagonism.  Pointing fingers.

 

Sadly, ugly partisan politics permeates America today.  Turn on your TV... it's Republican vs. Democrats.  White House vs. Congress.  Conservative vs. Liberal.  Right vs. Left.  One side 'hungry' for the other sides slips.

 

For the purpose of this blog - while I hold an opinion on American leadership - I will move to the point. The wounds of divorce hurt children, as they are often damaged by the 'politics', games, maneuvering, court and custody struggles.  In blended family life the #1 'developing family', in a stepfamily, challenge - as measured in a survey of over 1000 blended families - was 'antagonism, indoctrination (PAS) or negative influence' from former spouses.  We've seen it in almost every 'touch' we have with new blended family marriage that is struggling.  "Reaching in" we call it.  It feels like a 'giant hand of negativity' reaching into a home, trying to manipulate feelings, rules, finances, relationships, respect and authority.

 

WHY is their often an effort to hurt the other home? "Hurting People Hurt People".   Pride. Selfishness. Need to Control. Anger.  One or both sides believe they have to be the 'better' or 'main parent'.  Communicating, sharing or mutual respect does not exist in their thinking.  This type of behavior diminishes victory for children of divorce in their lives.  Yet such destructive behavior permeate divorce and new blended family relationships.  No one wins.  Most everyone loses. Children, and the long term effect on them, get hurt the worst.

 

There is a cycle of thinking for you to review in your life, relationships and marriage.  Especially when working with your former spouse.  The "stinkin' thinkin'" checkup to do is this....

"FOR ME TO BE THE GOOD PARENT... 

                 THEY MUST BE A BAD PARENT"

If you find yourself needing the other parent, their spouse (stepparent) or their home life to be bad...check your heart.  What are you finding in YOUR HEART?  Shared parenting, respect, following guidelines, communicating and honoring the other parent, their new marriage (if one) and the opportunity for their 'Family' to succeed is impacted by the other home.  Follow the Golden Rule.  How would you like to be treated?

So...for  AMERICAN POLITICS or DIVORCE or BLENDED FAMILY skirmishes... there is ONLY ONE SOLUTION.  And that is...
"FOCUS ON SOLUTIONS and NOT THE OTHER SIDES PROBLEMS". 
Got it?  Get it?  GOOD.

The Bible shares - as always - some great wisdom on negativity.

In Ephesians 4:31-32 the message is clear...

'Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor,
and evil speaking, be put away from you,
along with all malice;
And be you kind one to another, tenderhearted,
forgiving one another,
even as God has forgiven'

Check your heart.  I have to constantly check mine. 
And...Always... Keep Looking UP! God is there.

Blended Family Tree

NOTE: Sunday, in our weekly Blended Family Fellowship Class ...Rebecca shared wonderfully about 'tree trunks'.  Made me think about a 2008 blog worth repeating.
 
See Your Blended Family Tree Grow

After a recent snow and ice storm, I helped my Father-in-law cut down and haul away a very large branch of a giant tree that he had planted long, long ago. It was a towering willow tree planted along a small lake. It had stood the test of time over 37 years. Now one of the willows large cut up branch lay ready to become firewood for our families. As I looked at the ‘tree rings’ depicting the chronology of that tree and the large branch, a smile came over me in a big way … there is a message for Blended Families in this tree.

Each year that a tree is alive it grows another ring, making its trunk wider. The thickness of each ring depends on what the weather, the climate, lightning strikes, fire damage or the storms were like during the year in which it grew that ring. A wide ring indicates faster growth (good conditions), whereas a narrow ring or scar of some sort indicates poor growth (bad conditions). When a tree is cut, the rings can be "read" like a diary of the ‘history of life’ of that tree. Families also can have ‘tree ring’ story in their chronology diary... and by God's hand we can have good growth.

In Blended Families we too have seasons of life or our own family ‘tree rings’. Often in blended families, despite being ‘branded’ broken, there is much joy, happiness and many good seasons, and yes occasionally some will probably be not so good. That is normal. Like all of life, God gives us seasons we go through in order to see His hand in our life. He wants us to know that placing our trust in HIM offers strength through all the seasons. So that our ‘tree rings’ will show genuine growth.

We encourage you to take this to heart in your step-family. Often times in divorce, remarriage and new blended family / step-family life the ‘storms’ seem to be just a little stronger, the ‘heat’ feels a little hotter, and the ‘winds’ seem to blow more powerfully against us, testing the strength of our tree. Parental interaction, children’s behavior and emotions, financial challenges, and cooperation with former spouses can all offer ‘climate’ that sometimes seems to try to knock down or knock out a family.

We encourage blended families / step-families who we coach through difficult situations to look first for patience, perseverance and victory through trusting God. We respect the secular viewpoints that offer insight into the dynamics of step-family life, yet as we have invested years of research, reading, interviews with families, and conversations with family therapists and professionals, we continue to find the real power is in God’s Hands. The foundation of your blended family, your ‘tree ring’ and family chronology success in this sense must be fully planted in the Word of God. The greatest growth of your tree ring can be found through planting, and your family by the streams of living water.

In Psalms 1: 1-3, we are offered perfect wisdom to follow;

Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,

or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers.

But his delight is in the law of the LORD,

and on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree planted by streams of water,

which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither.

Whatever he does prospers.

So that your ‘blended family chronology’ will prosper, through the “storms” and “climate” challenges, you and your spouse must plant yourself as the parents ‘by the streams of living water’ and draw a line in the sand for your family by fully trust God. He is the root and the trunk, you are the branch. Then you may ‘see things with new eyes’ and ‘hear things with new ears’.We encourage blended families to look for God in all things, good and some seemingly bad, and keep your ‘roots’ firmly planted in prayer and in God’s Word daily. You can be ‘like the tree…which yields fruit in season, whose leaf does not wither. Do not walk in the counsel of negative people, or those who mock biblical wisdom. Stand strong, you will get through it. If you trust God, your tree will stand and reach up to the sky and one day you will see its fruit.

Our family tree, and our own blended family chronology, has had some thick rings with great years of growth, and some rings where you can sense the storms came. In all times, we kept the ‘roots’ planted in God’s Hands, even when the world might say we should crash. We have seen God’s goodness and His glory, and He has firmly planted in our hearts to pass along the encouragement, hope and motivation for you and your blended family.

Blended Families Should Get "5G" Coverage

  Blended Families Work Best With Super '5G Communication'.

5G Provides Total Coverage' for your Family's Heart.
Get 'The Best Plan' When You Say "I am a Friend of God"!
 

Forget 3G.  We say 'move over 4G'.  If you want the most powerful signal that always works, always communicates, always is up and available, you can get it.   The Bonded Family presents 5G for blended families.

What is 5G you ask?  It's the Global, Grace, Glory & Goodness of God.  Get it?5G coverage.  It's available FREE.  All you have to do is ask Him for it.

Remember the old spirited song 'He's got the whole world, in His hands, He's got you and me sister, in His hands....'?  Well for this coverage that's the Truth.

Stepfamilies often face unique and challenges dynamics.  Marriages and Children often throw up their hands, get wounded, mad, misunderstood or speak from a hurt heart.  Then sometimes they let stubbornness or pride set in.  The world and culture seem to often foster adversarial situations, or even roadblocks to cooperation, understanding, patience or perseverance.  The Court System is NOT the answer.  They have neither the time nor interest in really creating true family success.  So look UP!  That's where we have seen God's love and redeeming qualities for families stand alone as the answer.   The success rate in those having a foundation of faith is almost three times as strong as those without. 

It's easy to look at blended family struggles and relationships with a skeptical, can't work, don't want to try, this marriage is not pleasing me, there's no hope for this child or that stepchild, or on and on.  The statistics show almost 70% say 'I quit' in stepfamilies.  Then... all we do is recyle the pain the hurt and the long term wounds for children and adults.  No one wants that.  That's why we started The Bonded Family ministry.

With "5G Coverage", you have a Friend in God who knows, cares, understands, wants to help, encourage, bless and give you victory in your marriage, family and life.  He provides the Life Manual.  The Bible IS the best marriage handbook, parenting guide, relationship advisor, finance counselor or pschology book around.  There is a reason it's the all-time best selling book in history. 

It is always a privilege to speak to groups to encourage them to support and strengthen families or their hearts.  I WANT TO GIVE SPECIAL THANKS to the Men's Ministry at Scheffield Family Life Center in Kansas City for a great evening recently.  While their worship team was playing and praising about the Glory of God is when the whole "5G idea" was plopped into my heart by God.  Music is a way God often inspired through history and still does today.  So thanks to all at Scheffield Family Life Center !

To Learn more about our work visit http://www.thebondedfamily.com/

Remember I said that you and I can both say...
"I am a Friend in God"... well enjoy the song and be blessed.

Keep Looking UP!

BLENDED FAMILY STRONGHOLDS

Blended Family Strongholds? What?

Release The Chains

Find StepFamily Joy

Often times we will see in blended families, an unseen stronghold holding the family back from God's wish and desire, and theirs too, to 'bond' and have a truly loving and peaceful family.  A Dad we are coaching asked me the other day..."What do you mean 'stronghold'?"  I explained to him that there was something I've observed over a period of time in his new family's setting.  Something that, based on our personal and professional experience, was holding his family back. The Bible speaks of that as 'discernment', or a sense of something or an atmosphere that surrounds a person or situation.  This Dad said "Gosh, if I don't know what it is, how are we going to work through it?".  I applauded him because he's got the right attitude.  He's Looking UP!  We can tear down strongholds in a family with clear awareness, God's help and strength, and some genuine effort in your marriage and family.

FIRST... TAKE TO HEART WHAT SCRIPTURE SAYS HOW GOD MADE YOU... Psalm 139, verses 13 - 14 are for you to read, re-read and count on.  YOU, and your new family are in God's hands.  He made you.  You are WONDERFULLY made. God doesn't make mistakes so quit trying to think you are one. You are wonderful!

'For you created my inmost being;  you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.'

                                          ~ Psalm 139 : 13-14

Let's get back to just what is a stronghold, as indeed you might ask?

The Greek word for STRONGHOLD is 'OCHUROMA', meaning a a large castle, a compelling fortress or a warrior's position of strength.  In ancient battleground terms, a STRONGHOLD means an area where an entrenched power exerts control over an individual, group, generation, or territory.

In 'spiritual warfare', there is clear fertile battleground when it comes to divorce, re-marriage, wounds, brokenness and stepfamily situations.  A stronghold is deception that's taken hold of you or a person in your family's mind. It's an incorrect thinking pattern based on a believed lie.  A lie of the enemy of your family.   A fantastic battle ground for the enemy (satan - never give the dirty dog a capital) who is by his own being wants to take out all joy, togetherness, goodness, happiness in every marriage, child and family.

The wisdom we can find in John 10:10 ...

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;
I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.

                                           ~~ John 10:10

We come to you now and ask "Are there any strongholds impacting your marriage, family and stepfamily situation that God needs to work on?"  Do you feel like something is working to destroy your marriage, a child or your whole family?

What might it look like?   It's a lot like a heavy chain around your relationship, weighing it down, holding you back from the joy you truly wanted when you formed your new blended family. It could be pride, a stubborn spirit.  An old wound.  That inside your brain voice telling you what's bad about you, your family, a person in your family.  Perhaps for a man or woman some deep anger that surfaces from time to time.  Could be a inability to forgive someone or something.  Might come across as a habit or addiction.  Could be a child that was wounded by one parent and won't allow love to be received.  Could be a deep fear of another breakup of a family.  The list goes on.  Know this.  Those thoughts are not God.  He made you SPECIAL!

We find that the first step, is to recognize and acknowledge the stronghold as a couple or family, talk about the stronghold as the 'enemy' of your family's happiness and not a person in the family.  Then together you can 'break the chain' that holding you back.
 

In working with families as we serve via The Bonded Family Rebecca and I have observed that the most prolific strongholds and challenges are often ones people don't recognize or know exist.  They just know somethngs wrong.  Why we stress a strong foundation in your relationship with God is that you may not be aware without some special discernment from God, without 'seeing' with new eyes and 'hearing' with new ears.  God can provide that new understanding, powerful healing and your fresh start.  Ask Him in prayer.  Not casually.  Ask Him fervently for healing and a fresh start.

This isn't hocus pocus stuff.  Yes, it's supernatural.  God says so.  Trust Him.  He'll open your eyes IF you let Him.  Not allowing God in your life is a giant stronghold that statistically proves true.  The divorce rate in stepfamilies is 65%+.  When families are attending church and trusting God, that's cut in half.  You choose where you'll trust.

Five Steps to Tearing Down Blended Family Strongholds

1) Take Life Inventory, Recognize, Acknowledge Your Stronghold(s).

2) Commit to one another, forgive, genuinely work toward positive change.  There are no perfect people - Dad's, Mom's or Children.  Let's grow.

3) Read, Listen to CD's, etc, find faith-based help, counseling or coaching.

4) Create a DAILY Prayer List + Time for Husband + Wife TOGETHER.
5) Keep Looking UP!  Hold onto an attitude that God has already design your plan for greatness in your new and special Family.  You are a Winner!  Live it!

Do NOT give up or in.  God's promise are real.  He can and will help you face the strongholds and defeat them if you truly set your heart to doing so. That's up to you.  Excuses are easy.  Even as you read this if you're saying 'it's easy for him to write this, he doesn't know'.  You're right.  But God does.  We've been through probably 95% of the challenges that blended families face in our family.  Our we perfect...NO.  Yet...we know who will win the day.

God is on the throne.  He's already got your solution, the way out, the 'recovery plan' for you and your family.  Do you want help?

God Bless You and Keep Looking UP!

Hey...help us help you.  Visit the BLENDED FAMILY MALL.

Whatever you buy there, a small portion goes to fund scholarships and research for our ministry to people just like you.  From Books to Batteries, Travel to Toasters, CD's to Coupons... there are items there that EVERYDAY YOU USE.  Please click on the BLENDED FAMILY MALL.

Blended Families and a 'Winning Recipe' for Life

Step-Family Moaning and Groaning
Equals a Recipe For Failure.

'Fruit of the Spirit Salad'
is a Winning Recipe Solution!
We believe America can rise UP and be a winner when it comes to Marriage and Family. WE CAN create relationships, grounded with a foundation of faith, that follows a more 'WINNING RECIPE' for Marriage and Family success.

In our work at The Bonded Family have not once found a engaged or newly married blended family that stated 'we don't care about how everybody gets along, or if we are all happy together'.   A fresh start mindset scenario like that just doesn't exist.  What couple would enter into marriage saying 'I don't care!'  It is within all of us to desire to have a positive and peaceful home. To live in an atmosphere of love, peace and caring.  We all enter into marriage and family with a 'married forever' vision.  'Happily ever after' still lives on in our hearts and is our desire for life.

Society and the 'quit when it gets tough' or the 'I deserve better, I'm out of here' atmosphere lends to why we have such a high divorce rate in America. Look around and one will see a propensity to 'moan and groan', instead of working to find a solution.

Our culture has historically not been supportive of step-families and that created an image that placed further dynamics and challenges upon a husband, wife and children.  Even upon grandparents, teachers, coaches, neighbors and all who was a part of the lives of the new family.  The term 'step' itself, which we are very cautious to use, reflects it's fictional story board use in Cinderella, Snow White, or even the 2009 movie release of  'The StepFather'.  

With that image and mindset, blended families can find themselves living in the arena where we find others 'accepting' even 'encouraging' an atmosphere of many people being receptive of  'moaning and groaning' about kids, or parenting, or the stepfamily situation.   Too easily does someone fall into the 'listen and agree', instead of 'listen, ask a question or two, filter through emotion and truth, and then suggest finding a solution'.    Can that be tough.  Yes.  Worth it.  Double Yes!

We suggest an immediate and extended family goal and guideline, hopefully evolving into a rule - which naturally will see human failure at times - that we live in a "NO MOAN OR GROAN ZONE".

Marriages get broken by taking the challenges outside the relationship and 'moaning and groaning' to another person, at work, in the neighborhood, or worse a member of the opposite sex that sets up 'special' communication that can escalate to further 'stinkin thinkin'.  Kids can easily find receptive ears to 'my (stepparent) is too ________'   Often 'the other parent house' takes a position to let that thought be nurtured to bolster their own position. 

Wouldn't it be a powerful building block for families and our nation if rather than going along with the negative...instead say 'let's talk about this, not trash another person, find a solution and just complaining won't get us there'.  CAN YOU IMAGINE what super 'happily ever after' foundational principles you are building there?  Our children watch us, learn from us, see how we face trials.  Finding the solution  is always a better teaching foundation than just 'moaning and groaning'.

Same can apply to a grandparent or neighbor or workplace friend who 'allows and fosters groaning and moaning'.  That's NOT a true friend or caring family member.  Listening...YES.  Nurturing turmoil and discontent...NO.    What kind of true ally wants to see another family breakup?   Shouldn't be an option.   So I issue a challenge here to ALL who come across 'Moaning and Groaning' to say 'hmmmm....what's the solution'.

At The Bonded Family, we believe we can, you can, change the culture.   We all can impact lives for good.   We strongly believe, and it's statistically proven, that having God in the mixture is a part of that 'Winning Recipe'.   "Happily Ever After"....can come true.  Believe it.

So you say 'Dan!  Okay I got it...what's the suggestion?'    I say 'Glad you asked!'   How about working on what character areas we'd like our family members to excel in.  Ones that will help the for life in family, school, sports, work and everywhere they go!

SCRIPTURE holds a solution as a 'what to nurture and work on checklist'.  It's found in Galatians Chapter 5, verses 22-23.  You'll hear this WINNING RECIPE called 'the Fruit of the Spirit'.

'But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.'
                                                                            Galatians 5 : 22-23

Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self-control. Talk these over. Discuss what they mean? Would they help in the family? Can we write these on our refrigerator, bulletin board or maybe bathroom mirror? Possibly have fun cheerfully reminding each other in a positive way of each one. (pretty hard to take a stand arguing against God's Word). If we start coaching and modeling in our family things like Patience, Self-Control, Joy and the others wouldn't we have a real 'WOW!' Family? I think so.   Take the time to 'dine' on the winning 'Fruit of the Spirit' recipe this month.





Visit us at http://www.thebondedfamily.com/   

Read Rebecca's blog at:  http://www.rebeccasnell.com/

Listen to our radio program BLENDED FAMILY TODAY podcasts at either iTunes or at:  www.thebondedfamily.com/radioarchives

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BRING AN UPBEAT, ENCOURAGING AND INSPIRATIONAL BLENDED FAMILY CONFERENCE TO YOUR COMMUNITY, reach us at info@thebondedfamily.com
We bring to bear with speakers and family coaches always more then 70 years of step-family life real world experience and practical success tips.

God Bless You and Keep Looking UP!

BLENDED FAMILY SUCCESS = ASK - Then LISTEN !

THREE MINUTES A DAY = A "Listener" For a Lifetime

Make The Time.  Invest The Time.  Bless  The Time.

How often do parents hear or say.... "My kids just don't listen to me!"

Or kids thinking 'parents just don't understand!'.   Both sides are right at times.  We all fall short.  That's why God created family.  To give us the opportunity to build together a safe and secure place where God shares His steadfast message that 'His mercies are new every morning'.  (Lamentations 3 : 21-23) 

I was blessed to coach all of our six children in youth basketball, except one who was extra talented in debate and speaking so that was her passion we supported.  She WAS successful pushing around up her younger brothers - lovingly - on the basketball court in our backyard.  I smile as I think our boys would deny such an allegation of her basketball prowess.  I believe regularly the girls beat the boys in pickup games.

In basketball, most young players don't easily dribble with their weak hand (for a righthander, their left hand).  It takes practice and more practice.  I'd coach my teams to dribble, dribble, dribble with their weak hand, so the get 'good' at being able to use both hands successfully.  To have it become second nature to their game.

STEPFAMILIES REQUIRE PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE

Learning to communicate as a Family member also takes practice, practice practice... especially in stepfamily scenarios.  Make a point to seek out three brief minutes each and every day to share the clear message of caring and interest in a child's life.  Three (3) minutes.  Try to make it a habit - like dribbling with off hand - of INVESTING THREE MINUTES to gain a lifetime relationship.  You may miss a day, or two, but create a conscience effort to BONDING in your new Family and watch the results.

For years child psychologists have shared a wise piece of wisdom about communicating with a child.  The tip, is often forgotten and unused by parents, so it's worth repeating here.   EQUALIZE the height level and create eye contact from a level that makes a child feel most trusting. 

Come down to their eye level.   This automatically creates the 'caring' appeal to a child.  This very simple physical movement that can be a GIANT COMMUNICATOR for a more caring RELATIONSHIP.  And in blended families, relationships come before the enforcement of rules.  Especially for the non-biological parent. 

Social scientists study interpersonal communication. Their expert studies state that regarding actual interpersonal communication 'less than 10% in the clarity of the message comes from the 'WORDS' themselves.  Around 40% comes from our 'TONE OF VOICE'. Foremost, the most impactful form, over 50% of our true interpersonal communication is 'FACIAL EXPRESSION and BODY LANGUAGE.'

In stepfamilies this can be GIANT.  Pay attention here.  Remember this.  A 'brief gentle scolding' to a biological child is often just that, a 'brief gentle scolding'.  That child KNOWS your love deeply, from the first hour you held them after birth.  A 'brief gentle scolding' to a stepchild might be viewed internally to them as a 'giant scolding'.  They don't have the 'history' with you.  Remember this.  Just be aware of it.  It's not just your 'words'.  Check your own body language and tone.  Know it communicates 90% or more of your message.  We're not saying a scolding might not be appropriate.  Just remember that 'relationship' must come first before the ability to scold, for lasting success.

Remember...we can learn as much in life from our slips ups as we can our victories.   So if you stumble... make it a learning experience.

I believe those esteemed 'social scientists' who studied communications unknowingly may have gleaned their concepts and lead from the MANUAL for Life, the HOLY BIBLE.  Scripture, as always, shares WISDOM for the ages in James 1 : 19-20

'...let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.' 

In other words, LISTEN more.  HEAR your child's and your spouse's HEART. LISTEN for the HEART...not the words.  SEE their COUNTENANCE and what it saying, and not just react to a potential smirk or eye roll.  Speak only after you 'understand' their deep hurts, joys and thoughts.  Be clear not to jump to 'wrath' (upset, comments, judgement, etc) as that is not what God would advise.

As you work yourself into the routine of 'three minutes a day' keep it upbeat, positive and casual, especially at first.  Some sample idea questions to ask the first few efforts into your LISTENING time.  You don't have to ask them all at once.  Be casual and comfortable.  You're investing in a RELATIONSHIP.  It will take time and PRACTICE.   Consider questions like...
1)  Tell me what you think our family is doing well in your eyes?
2)  Tell me something we could do next week to hang out together?
3)  What areas in our new family 'pinch' your heart a little?
AFTER EACH....BE STILL AND LISTEN.

The key is...BEGINNING.  Then PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE.

Even LEBRON JAMES had to practice what didn't come natural.  So to be a championship level parent...practice championship communications.

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Want your BLENDED FAMILY STOCK to go up!  If you know of someone in the WICHITA KS area, share with them about the Saturday May 1st BLENDED FAMILY WORKSHOP.  The host church is Believers Tabernacle in Wichita.  A wonderful family oriented and friendly place.
Send your friends or family in the Wichita area to http://www.thebondedfamily.com/ and click on the Wichita conference.  Julie Ziglar Norman, daughter of ZIG ZIGLAR, J.J. Jasper, American Family Radio DJ and Comedian are just two of the super lineup of speakers.   Over 125 years of stepfamily experience we have compiled for this day.

Thanks for LISTENING and KEEP LOOKING UP!

Celebrating Our Special and Historic VICTORIES in Blended Families

CELEBRATE YOUR HISTORY! MARK IT!
You'll Remember It When Looking Back.

Bob White, a great friend, is a very special man of God who helps us lead our Sunday Blended Family Fellowship at First Baptist Raytown in Raytown MO recently commented about how often times they are special or historic events in stepfamily life. Times when you see real breakthroughs or victories in relationships. We were then discussing Moses and Joshua and how they would 'mark' the occasion when they had a key memory for their people. Right away I thought...'Good Word Bob!' and knew I had to blog about this for all of us to take into our hearts.

In Old Testament times, the people of Israel, upon a victory in a battle, or a special event would build of stone a memorial or marker, sometimes referred to as a stele. They placed together stones, or created an altar where they sacrificed an animal as part of a ritual of giving thanks. This was done in remembering what GOD HAD DONE in the lives of His people. They knew He had brought them through the trial.

They did so for the purpose of 'marking' the moment or time. So years or decades later, the 'history' could be marked that indeed the Lord had been good and brought them through a challenge or delivered His grace and power and might for just the right occasion.

Examples were when being chased by the Pharoah and the Egyptians, God led Moses to stand and raise his hands and staff and how God made the Red Sea part and allow His people to walk across, later crushing with water the Egyptians as they followed. Also, after Joshua led the people into the chosen land they marked with stones the twelve tribes. These stories can be found in scripture.

HOW DO WE APPLY TO BLENDED FAMILIES YOU SAY???

As we have seen in our family, often times God will allow a significant event, victory, challenge or dynamic to be overcome in our family. We all have them. It could be a relationship or trust breakthrough. A truthful sharing of a hurt or wound or hidden thought that a child shares with you and you grow closer. It could be a family story that you will all remember as significant in the bonding of your family. Maybe a family vacation that bonded the stepfamily closer to God and each other. Maybe a moment in a relationship with God for a family member.

We suggest creating some form of 'marker' or 'memory' of that particular victory or season you passed through by the grace of God. Perhaps something you hand make. Maybe pick up a rock of some size and write something on it, a date, a memory, whatever and keep it somewhere like a garden or pathway or somewhere it can be seen occasionally. Maybe it's a scripture plaque or small statue from a bookstore where you could write on the bottom the date and 'special victory'.

We have many of these types of 'markers' around our home. Often, we even forget what's on the back of a picture hanging on the wall, or a small figurine or statue. Then by chance when we come across it and read the date and note, we truly feel the power of God and how he brought us out of our deserts and into His promises.

The point is...celebrate and give thanks to God when you see your family make it through a particular tough challenge.

Visit our website at: www.thebondedfamily.com
Listen to our BLENDED FAMILY TODAY podcasts at:
www.thebondedfamily.com/radioarchives

If you'd like to have us speak at your church or organization, or lead us to a church that might want to host a Blended Family Conference, write us at: info (at) thebondedfamily.com

We (Wii) Are Family ! GAMES TOGETHER Can Raise Up Blended Family Life! Even improve VISION!

A VIDEO GAME THAT WEAVES A BLENDED FAMILY TOGETHER!
Wii CAN MAKE BLENDED FAMILY TIME BONDING TIME.

There is all kinds of research that set forth caution and warning of too much video game time for youth. Likewise I've read studies that the games can actually help in some cases mental quickness and acuity. XBox, PSP, PS2, Wii, Nitendo DS and others do seem to grab a large slice of America's children's attention. Many parents limit video game and TV time, and that is wise counsel.

It's Christmas time. More opportunity to bond as a family. Use it or lose it. We encourage you to make the best of the time together.

At The Bonded Family we enthusiastically suggest blended family game time. Treasure the time. Plan for it. Let it be a special time unique to your family. A TRADITION for your family. Perhaps play a game prior to a Family Summit time (we talk about this in conferences). Use the time as a catalyst to unity and fun. Sometimes everyone 'playing' together can help bring down 'strongholds'.

We believe a family that plays together and prays together....... will stay together.

The Bible holds solid counsel to check where our treasures, our hearts, our eyes and our spirit's are. Attitude is everything. Trust God to change hearts and attitudes.

In Matthew 6, verses 21 and 22 holds a message to blended families. To treasure one another by 'seeing' one another and the 'whole body' of the new blended family with good eyes, not critical or negative eyes.

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light."
MATTHEW 6 : 21-22

God provides an important message to any age family member there. Parents and Children. Where are our eyes focused?? Importantly in the Christmas season, or any holiday time, we'd like to encourage with this message and include Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles or other people who sometimes impact thinking. If our EYES work to 'look for the good' instead of the shortcomings or flaws, then the 'whole body' of the new family will be more filled with happiness.

In our household, and we have heard from others, that video games that include many family members - children and adults - actually brings laughter, joy, teamwork, playing honorably,fun rivalries and foremost... BONDING MEMORIES.

We own a Wii game. Four controllers, means four people at once. (We are not endorsing one 'system' over another just complementing Nitendo Wii for it's games and inclusive ability) Besides enjoying and seeing via family game time that I still posess "age defying lightning quickness" -- hmmm...along with humility? :-) -- we so enjoy the laughter and joy that comes from the 'time together'. There is nothing better than high fives and belly laughter to bring people together. That is the key...the TIME TOGETHER. TIME TOGETHER can equal BONDING MEMORIES.

Now...there can sometimes be reluctant participants mostly spirit of the heart, stubborness, fear, etc. Pretty much anything the evil one can muster against your family. Look UPward and ask God, then look INward and see what your heart holds.

Remember John 10:10 (grab your Bible and check it out). satan wants to take out your family, wants to hurt you and destroy your family life. YOU CAN WIN THIS BATTLE. Jesus came that we might have Life! And He means for us all - when we trust in Him - blended family life!

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Blended Family - HOPE + The Will to Win!

Family Experience, Sports, HOPE and Faith...
Pat Williams Knows Blended Families !

To find success and blessings in your Blended Family...observe, listen and learn from those who have proven the ability to rise up, and are sharing their success. Watch for the level of PERSEVERANCE AND HOPE in their hearts. A 'Will to Win' that comes from God, because the trust is in God instruction, not man's.

We have experienced in our own family great joy at times... and... due to the normal dynamics step-families often face... we have experiences some trying times. Be encouraged. That's normal. Be strong and courageous. Trust God. You will get through it.

Romans 5, verses 3 to 5 reminds and encourages us when times get tough... "...but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." .... ROMANS 5 : 3-5

I had the privilege to spend some time and get to know Pat Williams in 2005 during a Ministry Conference that he spoke at. Pat Williams is the Executive Vice President of the Orlando Magic Basketball team, an author of 50 books, AND in a blended family. I didn't realize prior to that visit with Pat that he, through re-marriage and adoption, had walked through the dynamics of large families and is a terrific Father to 19 children. A truly encouraging and entertaining book for a fun read is You've Got to Be Kidding!: Real-Life Parenting Advise from a Mom and Dad of Nineteen Find it and buy this book at our online Bookstore for The Bonded Family

We spent time talking about our ministry - The Bonded Family - and our heart and passion for serving Blended Families. Our vision is to have Pat Williams one day speak at a major conference. Pat Williams understands step-family life. He has experience bringing together children from different backgrounds and circumstances. He also, foremost, knows that FAITH is the key principle to instill into a FAMILY.

Faith best can provide the 'will to win'...because the 'Head Coach' - the Lord God Almighty knows the best ways to win. The Bible is the 'instruction manual'. It is THE BOOK. Pat Williams knows 'the Book' (Bible) If you also reference and dig into THE INSTRUCTION BOOK...you'll soon rejoice in knowing that we always win in the end. Your family can too. Do not quit. That ROMANS 5 :3-5 Scripture will come to life. Watch out for discouragement... the evil one wants you to fail...God wants you to succeed in your new family relationships. We do too. Listen to this video clip from Pat...and be encouraged!



Pat Williams website is http://www.patwilliamsmotivate.com/
We encourage you to check it out. Pat is a man who loves the Lord, his family, and those around him. He is grounded and gifted and wants to encourage others. You will be blessed by any of his books.

Also, visit our blended family ministry site when time allows. www.thebondedfamily.com

If your church or community would like to host a B3 Conference - from Broken to Blended to Bonded - contact us at info@thebondedfamily.com

God Can Refresh Blended Families!

Rain Refreshed the Morning Sky.
GOD CAN Refresh Your Blended Family!

This morning as I was driving, I noticed the crispness of the air, the sparkle of the morning as the sun was rising. The clouds were parting. The sun was shining brightly through. It was a 'Wow' type moment. The previous night's heavy rain had cleansed the atmosphere. It reminded me of the promise that God's mercies are new every morning. That HE can shine brightly through the step-family struggles of life. If we trust Him and seek Him.

Just then the song 'Who Am I' by Casting Crowns came on. The video is below. There I was, smiling, singing, basking in the new morning sun and the song. I was pumped up. God was giving me a special encouragement treat that moment.

Be still for one moment. Focus on the words of this song.
BE BIGTIME ENCOURAGED !


WHO AM I? That God would care to help me through my struggles. Catch ME when I'm falling. Know my hurts and troubles. Care. Want to be there for me?

At The Bonded Family we work with families all over the country to set forth HOPE and ENCOURAGEMENT through growing in one's faith and trust in God. Given the current economic challenges, the struggles are heightened. Now, more than ever, there needs to be a Rock to stand on.

God is the best way to take a step-family...from Broken to Blended to Bonded. If we BOND to God, lift up our issues to Him, it is easier to see the 'new morning sun' and understand it. No, all the trials, challenges, hurts, struggles and pain won't just go away. We understand that. Rebecca and I still feel weekly the fallout and the consequences of family life apart from how God had originally planned for it. What you can be assured in, is that His plan for us, for you and your family, is a good one if we ask Him to help us in our new circumstances. This I can tell you. I am weak. HE is strong. If the worldly solutions were the better answer, why would the divorce rate in step-families hover at 70%, while the divorce rate of husbands and wives that pray TOGETHER daily be less than 10%. Do the math. :-) Trust the Lord.

God is the God of second chances. We can focus on the trouble, or Him. It's like as a child playing tag, and there is a base to run to where you are 'safe'. God is that 'base', He is the Rock. His Word is true. His promises real. His strength and protection are there if you call upon Him. He is in the fresh start business. The miracle business. We have seen it. We have lived it. YOU CAN TOO.

BELIEVE AGAIN ! Visit us at www.thebondedfamily.com

If you have friends or family in step-family situations in NW Arkansas... call them and tell them about Nov 14 and 15th. See next blogpost about the National Center for Fathering Championship Fathering Conference.

Yes You Can FIREPROOF your Blended Family ! Great Movie Coming Soon !

What will be one of the most memorable and marriage blessing movies in a long time will be released on September 26th, 2008... FIREPROOF.


FIREPROOF the movie is from the creators of 'Facing the Giants'. The Bonded Family is planning in Kansas City and Wichita special FIREPROOF showings via a 'Fireproof My Blended Family' special ticket arrangements.

Starring Kirk Cameron and Erin Bethea as a couple on the verge of breakdown, only to see God work mightily in their marriage. Enough said. You must see and feel this marriage, then let God do the rest. Together, you can make a long-term difference in your family relationships and marriage … starting with yours!

Visit the official movie website NOW: http://www.fireproofthemovie.com/main.php

To learn more about the Kansas City FIREPROOF MY BLENDED FAMILY write us at: info@thebondedfamily.com

As we always say...and this movie will tie into the message...
GOD CAN...take a step-family...From Broken to Blended to BONDED!

www.thebondedfamily.com

Blended Families? Do your struggles seem big to you? Wonder if God know about it? Does He care? Can God help my step-family?

Blended Families...does the 'size and scale' of your problems and challenges seem very big? Please know...our problems are tiny compared to the universe.

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"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. I tell you, whoever acknowledges me before men, the Son of Man will also acknowledge him before the angels of God. But he who disowns me before men will be disowned before the angels of God." LUKE 12: 6-9 Remember not only does God know and love the smallest of sparrows, but He knows ever hair on your head...every planet in every universe...and handles it all. HE is God. He knows what you are reading right now here. What you are thinking. God CAN handle your step-family trials and hurts and challenges and struggles...and answer your prayers. We must ACKNOWLEDGE and TRUST in that.

Bring a B3 Conference to your community or church. Contact us at info@thebondedfamily.com Visit our website at www.thebondedfamily.com

BLESS YOU !
Your Blended Family universe and YOU can rotate around God and be on track.

GOD CAN...take a step-family...
FROM BROKEN TO BLENDED TO BONDED !

Blended Family Marriage Training --- Invest Pennies Upfront vs. $100 Bills Later

INVEST PENNIES UPFRONT...
"Listen to counsel and accept discipline, That you may be wise the rest of your days. Many plans are in a man's heart, But the counsel of the LORD will stand."
PROVERBS 19 : 20-21

YOU MAY SAVE HUNDREDS..

Some of you may remember that old television commercial where the man says "you can pay me now...or pay me later" inferring that doing it right upfront is the best way to go. We speak that same thought as we encourage you to...
LET GOD LEAD THE WAY...in your Blended Family.

BY THE TIME YOU FINISH READING THIS...one out of three step-family's will stumble, lose hope, give up, fail and get divorced. We do NOT want that to be YOUR FAMILY. Let's together turn around a mess, and turn it into a message of God's strength.

Often times, step-families wait until AFTER the challenges start to seek any counsel or help or ideas or wisdom. It isn't about money, it's about hearts and relationships. But spending a $150 for a weekend conference for step-family training vs. $3,000 or more for months of counseling just makes common sense. We say be like a Boy Scout...'Be Prepared'.

On our website at www.thebondedfamily.com we speak to our current trend in American culture. About how 'SOMEBODY HAS SWITCHED THE PRICE TAGS.' What we should value as highest, our family...we spend little time and money preparing or finding out the 'best practices' in the stepfamily arena.

In America today people study, research, 'do their homework' on:
-- cars
-- 'best practices' and the latest innovations for their business
-- plasma or LCD TV's
-- sports camps for the kids
-- vacation destinations or locations
-- stocks, mutual funds, financial tools
-- companies to go to work for
-- or even GPS devices that 'show us the way on the journey'

We spend hours and days investing to make sure we 'get it right'.
YET...when people are about to step into a 'life-long' commitment with their new family...a step-family scenario that is known to hold challenges...we see people just go get the marriage license.

Our hope what and we encourage - and are encouraging government to likewise encourage those seeking a license - is to invest some 'pennies' upfront... so they can find ways to avoid 'hundreds of dollars' at a counselor or worse yet attorneys.
The divorce rate for re-marriage is over 70% within 5 1/2 years. Spend the pennies. Save the hundreds. Find the joy. See God's goodness and power in your family.

Our hope is that in the near future blended family / step–family couples will see that one of the greatest wedding gifts they can give themselves, and their children, is to invest in a 'date weekend' with a faith-based blended family seminar or conference. It will be 'the romantic thing to do'. Doesn't have to be at one of our conferences from The Bonded Family, there are many good ones out there.

A blended family pre-marriage, and then post marriage program, should be as much a part of the new family as going on vacation. The peace, joy, relief, understanding, sharing and experience you will gain will 'feel' like the joy of vacation.

We would suggest that one of the GREATEST GIFTS A GRANDPARENT CAN GIVE...would be a REGISTRATION fee to a conference somewhere for their soon to be married son or daughter...know matter how old they are. Then you truly, as /Parents/Grandparents, are INVESTING in the health and welfare of your Grandchildren and Children.

In 1 TIMOTHY 4:6...scripture tells us "If you point these things out to the brothers, you will be a good minister of Christ Jesus, brought up in the truths of the faith and of the good teaching that you have followed."

To learn more about our work ... write us at info@thebondedfamily.com
or visit www.thebondedfamily.com
GOD CAN...take a stepfamily...From Broken to Blended to BONDED !

Blended Family Legacy in the Mirror

LEAVE A LEGACY REFLECTING GOOD FOR HEARTS IN BLENDED FAMILIES

As water reflects a face,
so a man's heart reflects the man.
Proverbs 27 : 19

The incredible smile and inner beauty in the reflection of the young woman's face holds the level of joy and peace we all would like to see when we look in a mirror.

In step-family life, our countenance doesn't always reflect the true level of goodness that we generally hold in our hearts. Quite often parents misunderstand parents, parents misconstrue the facial expressions or comments of children, children take a simple scolding and feel 'thrown out of the house' by a step-parent... and even dogs and cats sense the tension and run fast under the couch or to another room, cause they thinks big trouble is at hand.

Why? Because the 'volume is turned up' in stepfamily life. Normal emotions and looks seem like giant emotions and looks. A look or a comment can mistakenly come across to someone as a scowl or a scream. Everything gets multiplied due to the carrying of baggage, the brokenness and hurt that can exist from either the parent or child's past. If we are aware of that...we can handle the 'volume turned up' scenario a little better.

We discuss this common dynamic in our workshops and conferences as not only being a behavioral aspect of step-family life but also being part of 'spiritual warfare'. It really does take place. There is good and evil in the world. Face it, know it, be prepared for it...and you can handle the moment better. Let there be no mistake...the evil one does want you and your blended family to fail. Divorce is a good thing to the devil. he (I never give him a capital letter) leads the charge in the family battle zone to take out your family. Do you know anyone else who thinks divorce is good?

You can win this battle! You have a bigger, stronger warrior to call upon if you trust God to provide you 'strength in the moment'. We're not saying there are some fundamental underlying and natural psychological family aspects to understand here...but God can 'calm the storm on the waters'. He did part the Red Sea. He did rise again on the third day. Ask Him in the moment of the storm.

God does not want you or I to be discouraged, upset, dissatisfied or unhappy. He came that we might have life and have it more abundantly. That's a promise you can trust. We are to look up to Him for answers... not unlike the young boy alondside his father in the bathroom. The son 'wants to be like Dad'. The Dad 'wants to care for his son'. The Son trusts the Father. That's where we should keep our focus as parents. Seek to be the strong Father, and a good listener to THE FATHER'S voice. Our Heavenly Father.

Seek to be the wise parent. Whether biological or step-child, children are the same in God's eyes. If they are the same in God's eyes, then let them be the same in yours. Yes, it can be hard. It's hard for the children too. Parents must lead.
It is important for parents to take the lead in letting God be the foundation and level set point for blended families. If you have a daughter - we have three - picture her as a young adult gazing into a mirror. Do you want to see her looking lost? Do you want her to go forth into life with a foundation that will last? What will our children's future hold? Can we look up to God and know that He can make a difference. YES.

In a recent blog post I shared a statistic that is worth repeating. THE HUSBAND AND WIFE WHO PRAY TOGETHER DAILY HAVE A LESS THAN EIGHT PER CENT (8%) CHANCE OF GETTING DIVORCED. Take that to the bank...or overdraw your life account and face the fees associated with trying things the broken ways.

God Can take a stepfamily from Broken to Blended to Bonded !


VISIT US AT: http://www.thebondedfamily.com
EMAIL US AT: info@thebondedfamily.com

Climbing the Blended Family Mountains!

Let CHRIST be the CARABINER on your BLENDED FAMILY Climb.
Then we'll...See You at the Top !


Zig Ziglar's signature phrase is "See You at the Top!" Those of us who admire the 81 year old motivational phenom, know that his faith guides his life, and he credits the Lord with his rise to the pinnacle of speaking success. Zig links himself to Christ. As we have, Zig has seen God's goodness and glory in his life. He still teaches a Sunday School class at his home church, Prestonwood Baptist Church in Dallas TX. He arranges his schedule to make sure he is available to serve his home church. He stands strong in his faith as even in secular, non faith-based arenas, he always draws the large crowds to understand his ascension to the top of public speaking and business comes from his sold out faith in Christ.


BLENDED FAMILIES too can ascend to success by climbing the seemingly high mountains by hooking themselves to Christ...and each other by prayer and trusting God. When people are serious about climbing, the fully understand the gear that is needed. A 'Carabiner' is a way to hook each other together. It is generally locked. Can't be easily unhooked. That carabiner creates trust. The two people can trust they are on the ascension of the mountain together. There is safety that if one stumbles, the other is there. Then if they link their carabiner to God, they have found the ultimate safety cord.

In our seminars, we give out 'Carabiners' as a symbolic statement that the Husband and Wife need to be hooked together in their marriage. Neither outside pressure, internal family dynamics, nor children issues will allow them to fall. The 'carabiner' is a reminder that God has place the couple now together, without possibility of 'unhooking'. Then we place into the picture the ultimately third carabiner hook up to God. He is the total trusted safe and solid connection and the absolute link up.
And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him.
A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.
Ecclesiastes 4:12

Let's face it. Blending a family offers unique dynamics that rarely can be understood unless you are actually in the arena. We have been blessed to live through our own blended family ascent, facing the trials and stopping to enjoy the family 'vistas' that brought us great joy along the climb. Rebecca and I are absolutely 100% hooked together and our 'carabiner' is hooked to the Lord God Almighty.

Know this. I have stumbled fully at times in my life. Only by the grace of God am I climbing mountains today. You can too. It takes turning around your life and accepting that we need Jesus Christ in our lives.

REACH UP! HE IS THERE !

Bring some 'Carabiners' to your church or local community.
Visit us today at ...... http://www.thebondedfamily.com
or email us at ......... info@thebondedfamily.com