Obama 2nd Term like Blended Family Trials?

President Obama. Benghazi.  IRS.  AP. 
Bumps in the Journey are Appearing Weekly.

The topic of this blog post is Politics and Divorce. I'm not going to lambast any President. Don't believe in that.  Blended Family life is my the tie in here, or I wouldn't write.  A 2nd term for Presidents often holds bumps just as 2nd marriages do. Stepfamily life can lead to the 'opposition' pointing out all mistakes... broadcasting faults, slip ups, blame and antagonism.  Pointing fingers.

 

Sadly, ugly partisan politics permeates America today.  Turn on your TV... it's Republican vs. Democrats.  White House vs. Congress.  Conservative vs. Liberal.  Right vs. Left.  One side 'hungry' for the other sides slips.

 

For the purpose of this blog - while I hold an opinion on American leadership - I will move to the point. The wounds of divorce hurt children, as they are often damaged by the 'politics', games, maneuvering, court and custody struggles.  In blended family life the #1 'developing family', in a stepfamily, challenge - as measured in a survey of over 1000 blended families - was 'antagonism, indoctrination (PAS) or negative influence' from former spouses.  We've seen it in almost every 'touch' we have with new blended family marriage that is struggling.  "Reaching in" we call it.  It feels like a 'giant hand of negativity' reaching into a home, trying to manipulate feelings, rules, finances, relationships, respect and authority.

 

WHY is their often an effort to hurt the other home? "Hurting People Hurt People".   Pride. Selfishness. Need to Control. Anger.  One or both sides believe they have to be the 'better' or 'main parent'.  Communicating, sharing or mutual respect does not exist in their thinking.  This type of behavior diminishes victory for children of divorce in their lives.  Yet such destructive behavior permeate divorce and new blended family relationships.  No one wins.  Most everyone loses. Children, and the long term effect on them, get hurt the worst.

 

There is a cycle of thinking for you to review in your life, relationships and marriage.  Especially when working with your former spouse.  The "stinkin' thinkin'" checkup to do is this....

"FOR ME TO BE THE GOOD PARENT... 

                 THEY MUST BE A BAD PARENT"

If you find yourself needing the other parent, their spouse (stepparent) or their home life to be bad...check your heart.  What are you finding in YOUR HEART?  Shared parenting, respect, following guidelines, communicating and honoring the other parent, their new marriage (if one) and the opportunity for their 'Family' to succeed is impacted by the other home.  Follow the Golden Rule.  How would you like to be treated?

So...for  AMERICAN POLITICS or DIVORCE or BLENDED FAMILY skirmishes... there is ONLY ONE SOLUTION.  And that is...
"FOCUS ON SOLUTIONS and NOT THE OTHER SIDES PROBLEMS". 
Got it?  Get it?  GOOD.

The Bible shares - as always - some great wisdom on negativity.

In Ephesians 4:31-32 the message is clear...

'Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor,
and evil speaking, be put away from you,
along with all malice;
And be you kind one to another, tenderhearted,
forgiving one another,
even as God has forgiven'

Check your heart.  I have to constantly check mine. 
And...Always... Keep Looking UP! God is there.

Upset and Angry about PAS? Turn It Over to God. HE can handle it much better than you.

BLOG OVERTURN THE TABLES ON PARENTAL ALIENATION (PAS).  
AMERICA MUST ADDRESS DISHONORABLE CO-PARENTS.
Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is real and an epidemic in America.   Even Jesus upset the tables in the Temple about disrespect and deception.

If you are a regular reader of this blog, you know that we believe in "looking for the best in people" whether in your new marriage, your stepchildren, other people and especially... former spouses (the 'ex').

On our blog posts you are used to finding Encouragement, Hope, Patience, Perseverance and Biblical coaching in all circumstances.  That's our heart.  We coach 'take the high road', Trust God, be still and let Him handle most situations.  We've seen God do mighty things when relationships or situations are turned over to Him.  It's His promise that he will not let us down.  'Be strong and courageous' (Joshua 1:9) and trust in Him.

ONCE IN A WHILE  we come across a situation so upsetting that we have a hard time not sharing in the hurt level for a person. We have to shake our heads and say 'ENOUGH!'.

Today, I simply want to give a little attention to a group trying to help those who are clearly being 'Targeted'.   You WILL want to come back next post to hear the specifics of one TARGETED PARENT that we came across in our ministry and whose story has to be told.  

We want to give a 'shout out' to an organization called TARGET PARENT SOCIETY.  We are familiar with one of it's founders Christy Tusing-Borgeld.  We've had her on our radio program.  Heart of a giant, and truly wants to help families.  TPS is something she cares about and wants to change the nation for the better.  The goal of TARGET PARENT SOCIETY is to help all members of the extended family who may feel the wounds of alienation. 
You'll often hear them speak and publish articles as the....
Target Parent Society - Children, Parents and Relatives Awareness



Rebecca and I have both studied in depth, and seen in our work, the impact and the long-term affect on children whee any form of indoctrination, parental alienation or 'thought-seeding' occurs.  It is just basically abuse to the children and to their targeted parent.  It damages a child's in their current relationships, but more-so their FUTURE RELATIONS.    Like there marriage and with their own children.  Unless the American Psychological Assn and the Family Courts of our nation put a stop to this, we will have a generation of damaged relationships.  It is a SERIOUS and REAL ISSUE in divorce and we see it weekly in our work with blended families.

TPS is on Facebook as well as their website is:    http://www.targetparentsyndrome.org/

At The Bonded Family, while we believe sometimes the 'bully on the playground' (an alienator) should be turn back to and told to stop... MOST IMPORTANTLY, we foremost believe we should turn it over to God, be still and smile with the clear knowledge that HE CAN handle it.  Often that is so very hard to see when one is the 'Target' of alienation.  It is good however to know you are not alone.  The TARGET PARENT SOCIETY team helps people.  Check out their site. 

Wouldn't it be nice to simply KNOW that God was going to deal with a person who is willingly and intentionally seeking to harm a Father (or a Mother).  The Commandment instructs us...Honor your Father AND your Mother.   Not choose just one.  Or let someone denigrate or diminish or alienate until you stop honoring. If fact if you are reading this, and perhaps a grandparent, brother, sister, friend, co-worker of someone constantly alienating and working to take away relationships, then be a hero to those kids and tell them to stop.

We believe God will address the true alienators, as they truly are 'sinners'...against their children.  Let's call it for what it is. It's a sin.  We run into alienation or indoctrination in 60%+ of the families we work with that have spouses alive.  It is sad.  Our heart aches.  We want them to KNOW they are not alone and God can and will handle it.  It's a promise.  God said it.  It's written.  What He says He'll do, He'll do.   It may not be in the time or manner that we may want to see, but God WILL handle the accountability for their actions, and WILL deliver the consequence.

Scripture's instruction to us is clear in Romans 12: 17-19

Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,  “I will take revenge;  I will pay them back, says the Lord.

It is often hard to take that to heart and live it.  We have to remember...GOD'S IN CONTROL and HE'S NOT DONE.  It just might bring a smile to your face to KNOW...that we don't have to deal with the injustice, the deliberate and willful attempt to diminish relationships with our children.  God WILL handle that person.   Often you will hear the alienator justify their behavior with words like 'best interest of the children'.  Simply ask the question... 'OK, let's reverse the arrangements and situation for 6 months."  We've never seen a single alienator that is willing to do that.  That always shows their true heart, their true colors.

That's the key.  Would an alienator reverse the roles?   Then you see their heart of hearts.

There will be a PAGE TWO / PART TWO of this.  You'll want to stay tuned.
A real life alienation story is included.