BLENDED FAMILIES & BASKETBALL

NBA BASKETBALL FEVER is Heating Up! 
What Do Referees and Blended Families Have in Common?
How Calling Fouls (On Your Stepchildren) Changes The Game.
Blended Family Life and Sports have similar scenarios.

I was a basketball referee for 10 years.  Was accepted into the NBA Referee Development Program in the early 80's. Great season of my life.  Then I went into a 'Public Service' season (politics is the ugly side of Public SERVICE) for 10 years.  Seems I always picked avocations where you get yelled at. Referee.  Elected Official.  Sooner or later.  You get booed.  Could be some form of a character quirk there huh?  Heh, heh. 

On the basketball court a ref is half right or half wrong depending who someones cheering for. You'll be told 'great ref' to 'get some glasses you bum'. In politics you can go from 90% 'great guy popular' to 90% 'throw the bum out' with one vote on an issue. From Hero to Zero in a day I called it.

That tenuous balancing act in refereeing and politics holds some similarities to our modern day world of stepfamily life and it's dynamics.  Often there are 'commentators' or 'broadcasters' who want to prognosticate about you as a parent, spouse or member in a family unit.  Some are just drooling and waiting for you to slip up so they can air the famous 'I told you so!'.  Sometimes family members are quick to point fingers instead of slow to speak, quick to understand and extend grace.  We've become the 'arm chair quarterbacks' of family life in society.  We say 'We can do better America.  Let's look for the good in every person!'

In traditional nuclear families a parent can 'make the call/call a foul' on a something a child did wrong or inappropriately, yet the child has full knowledge that the parent loves them unconditionally.  With stepchildren, sometimes a parent can 'make the call/call the foul' and a child feels less secure in the circumstances. That even the 'home crowd' is against them.  That they have no 'home court advantage'.  Great blended families work together, support each other, work together unselfishly to create a great home turf, the home court advantage. (Zig Ziglar speaks on this)

To some stepchildren, especially early on in a new family situation, every 'foul' called seems like they are being called for a 'Technical Foul'.  Throw out of the game. (relationship or love) As parents, we can work together to set household rules upfront and out front.  To make sure that we as husband and wife also upfront know WHO is to make the call and when.  To be slow to let the play unfold.  Don't rush to 'blow the whistle' on every call or behavior.  Work to let God guide you and say 'Be still and know that I am God'. (Psalm 46:10) Call the game with a clear understanding that it's a 'long season' and you don't want to crush a player (child) with a poor judgment call.  Make sure you create - again as our good friend Zig Ziglar says - the 'Home Court Advantage'.  That your family knows you love them and are here for them no matter what.  That we learn from mistakes, we are growing and bonding one day at a time.  Trials will exist, but remind them always 'this too shall pass'.   Encourage 10 times for every 1 discipline. 

One thing we learned in the NBA Referee Development Program was to 'see' the whole court.  Not just one action.  To scan what is going on.  Many refs focus just on the basketball and lose track of the other 'stuff' going on on the court.  How can you relate to that as parents in your 'home court'.

Parents...be aware of your 'home court'. Be keenly aware of body language, countenances, friendships, activities, Facebook, cell phones, etc.  While we should allow for reasonable freedom for our children, there is an overboard and damaging myth and trend that promotes 'let a teen make their own decisions'.  We've seen this in some families and 'freedom' actually 'slows maturity' in kids in teens or early 20's.  They are impacted by a lack of foundational guidance to do the right thing, and this can create an 'all about me' selfishness that is clearly too evident in society in general as a whole. 

Children deep inside want boundaries from parents.  They want leadership.  Unconditional love.  Research clearly shows the safe and solid boundaries, coupled with solid encouragement and support create healthier children.  We like to share to 'Encourage 10 times to every 1 discipline.'  You'll create a champion child who understand love, respect, authority and honor...all while knowing they are able to both stumble and do great things and you will be with them just the same in all circumstances.

Be cautious not to let divorce / two homes for a child create a 'never call a foul' environment in order to 'win' love.   That's not good either.  Parents in both homes, remember, you are not in competition for the children.  It's okay for children to love both homes.  Kids are not 'wired' to have to choose.  They want to feel safe to love.  It is generally the parents who create a 'they must be bad, so I am good' sad scenario.  Most everybody is good.  Nobody is perfect.  Look for the GOOD in all people.

My great friend Jesse Hall holds a double special place in my heart.   He was one of three people who talked to me the most about the Lord and thus brought me to Him.  Jesse also got me into the NBA Referee Development Program.  One is eternal. Both are thrilling.  Jesse still is in the NBA record books as being the referee in the highest scoring game in NBA history.  In triple overtime it was Detroit Pistons 186, Denver Nuggets 184, on Dec 13th, 1983.  I tease Jesse that he took the old adage 'let 'em just play ball' a little too far.  He is a great friend and super speaker should you ever need some great sports or life stories from an incredible guy.  Jesse can 'bring the wood' as they say in some churches.

Jesse would tell you, as I would that we do have a life 'rule book'.  The Bible.  It's the 'All Time - All Timer Best Seller ever!  It's an awesome marriage manual, parenting book, how to live life guide. The rules were followed to create laws in this country.  The Supreme Court has the Ten Commandments standing on it's building.   Many have tried to prove it wrong and failed.  Some have sought to prove it wrong and now are great preachers and teachers.

Now, there are many other great resources out there to help blended families, parents and marriages.  We own them and learn some things from them also.  Many can be found on our website.  But follow the SUCCESS and CHAMPION LIKE FAMILIES in our nation and you will see a solid foundation in faith and togetherness wins more often.   That scoreboard speaks for itself.

We talk about practical tips, parenting skills, real life examples, experiences and everyday stepfamily dynamics in our conferences, but this we know and stand upon.... GOD CAN take your stepfamily... from Broken to Blended to Bonded.  

We are available for speaking, conferences and resources at THE BONDED FAMILY.

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Blended Family Duct Tape Rule 2012

Facing a Stepfamily 'Harsh Word' Moment?

Think TBF 'DUCT TAPE RULE' Now

If you are a member of a stepfamily you know the moment.  Something has wounded you.  Somebody as done or said something inconsiderate, probably hurtful and often done in a flash moment that one wishes they could 'take back'.

So let's together all go buy a roll of 'DUCT TAPE'.  Keep it handy as a image to improve we'll explain below.  So we can implement - both for fun and serious improvement for our families - the "DUCT TAPE RULE".   The uses of duct tape have been chronicled, joked about, tested on TV and basically touted as the 'official fixer' of anything.  Well, perhaps we can add yet another line to duct tape legend.  Heard any words like these?

"Your children are not disciplined!"

"I quit.  I can't handle this marriage this way."

"You favor your kids over mine."

"Your not my Dad!"
"This stepfamily stuff stinks!"

Whether age5 or 95, we've heard of sharp tongue moment stories and outbursts like above and more.  Have any of these ever maybe been you? If so, you're not alone.  Over 23+ million stepfamily households in the USA.  So, given the normal human beings we are... probably about 5 million people today said something that should have fallen under the 'DUCT TAPE RULE'. 

The BLENDED FAMILY DUCT TAPE RULE.

STEPFAMILY Sharped
Tongue Member



I can laugh and say that if I were to recognize all my former slip ups I might look like the DUCT TAPE GUY on the right.

Scripture shares it so well in James 3:5 describing the power of our spoken word (tongue)... 'the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts.   Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.'
American's spend way too little time listening, sharing or communicating with our children.  Then At The Bonded Family we suggest at least 7 minutes a day. It goes fast! Make sure your sitting or standing or kneeling (if they are youngsters) and together you are at their eye level.  Eyeball to eyeball...NOT giant parent to little kid downward communication arrangement.  You'll grow closer at eye level.

Let there be no mistake...our tongue can spark a hurt, a fight or a longstanding squabble.  The more we work to have self-control, the better our family will be.  And in stepfamily dynamics, it IS IMPORTANT to take EXTRA CARE of your tongue and emotions. Every moment or situation, despite seeming big at that instant is not always... 'a hill to take the last dying stand for'.

It truly can be very hard to be still 'in the moment', yet as a potential 'TBF Family Huddle' discussion item, talk about how words can wound.  How things we say in a moment of hurt impact others.  Discuss the Golden Rule when it comes to communicating with one another in our family words. Also even  how our looks at each other. Ask kids to describe 'Mom or Dad' 'I am not happy look'.  That'll bring some laughs.   If your family is a 'word picture', 'symbolic' or 'example' type family, pull out a roll or two of DUCT TAPE and say 'Let's try the 'BLENDED FAMILY DUCT TAPE RULE' from here on out.  "Who is willing to start watching their words better?" 

Get your new family to agree that if you are about to say something...or maybe just said something harsh...go grab the duct tape roll in a way to express that you 'understand' what you said was hurtful and you wish you had duct tape ever your mouth that moment. (**IMPORTANT for 'literal' readers we are NOT recommending duct taping anyone's mouth...it's a WORD PICTURE. Smiling for you.)   

Often times, the recognize a situation can teach and coach maturity in relationships for our children.  After all, we are to 'raise them up in the way they should go.'  Mentoring and Coaching our children to 'hold their tongue' when about to be harsh will SERVE THEIR FUTURES WELL.


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TRY THIS!  PRINT OFF ANY OF THE ABOVE DUCT TAPE PICTURES. PUT IT ON YOUR REFRIGERATOR OR BULLETIN BOARD AS A FUN REMINDER TO YOUR BLENDED FAMILY....LET'S BOND AND USE KIND WORDS.

BLACK CATS and BLENDED FAMILIES

BLACK CATS and BLENDED FAMILIES.
Neither Myth is True...So Live Victoriously!

We are a blended family. 
We own a black cat also. 

Our culture has developed the attitude that blended families don't work... and somehow think that black cats are unlucky. Both these premises are man created MYTHS.  
God didn't create black cats, nor stepfamilies, to be bad, evil or full of potential woesome results. Man's imagination + "stinkin' thinkin'" did.

This morning our 17 year old black cat Crash (would take a whole blog to explain why that name) was walking back and forth in front of our youngest daughter Amanda. She laughed and said 'Wow, Crash has walked back and forth in front of me 5 times so I'll have 35 years bad luck'.  We all laughed.  Crashed looked at us - he holds a very communicative personality - and barked 'meow'.  Crash does seem to bark when he knows he's being talked about.  I was one of those 'don't like cats' guys until this feline was adopted away from homelessness. Crash is my buddy.  I admit it.  Cat-lovers cheer here.

So what does the black cat myth and blended families have in common?  Cats are very consistent in their behavior.  Depending on their 'personality' that can appear to be 'aloof', or maybe 'playful', 'standoff-ish' or sometimes 'mean-spirited'.  Cats actually can be very loyal buddies if you treat them right and 'invest' a little time bonding with them.   

Often personalities and relationship dynamics within blended families can be the same.  Each child is unique, somewhat different in their own special way. Thus relationships should be developed and nurtured differently.  Some will come quicker, some may take years.  Perseverance is a foundational word you hear a lot from our team at The Bonded Family.  Perseverance comes from trusting God. Seeing what happens when you 'let go and let God'. Remember this saying when you feel exasperated or there is no hope.  "God's not done".

It's also a real 'myth' that stepparents and stepchildren can't get along. Just like spending time with a kitten will help one 'bond' with the cat, we recommend that you 'invest time' to discover what talents and treasure each child holds. What are their dreams, hopes and wishes?  Don't simply buy into the negative stepfamily myths.  The more you understand your unique or complex family situation - and that is one of the goals at The Bonded Family - the more success you will have. Understanding behavior is key.  It's why people share with us after our conferences "I wish we knew THEN what we've learned from you NOW".

Putting a stake in the ground and committing your marriage and family into God's hands is the absolute success criteria foundation.  Without it...you are built on sandy soil.  Some will 'turn away' right now reading this saying 'Oh that God stuff', yet the fact are the facts, the true stats are there.  Write us and ask about them.  info@thebondedfamily.com


Our children hear often that rock solid advice for VICTORY in life...

"ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING"

Scripture also holds a verse that speaks to VICTORIOUS LIVING. 
PROVERBS 15:15 shares...

'All the days of the afflicted are bad,
But a cheerful heart has a continual feast.'

Work on your heart.  Discipline your mind.  See the good in all people.  Look for the good in all situations.  Discover the good where you can't see it at first.  Guard against feeling 'afflicted' or you 'days will be bad'.   INSTEAD... say to yourself and ask God to strengthen you and give you a CHEERFUL HEART so that your days and life - and your blended family - will feel as a 'CONTINUAL FEAST'

Sometimes that takes coaching.  We can help. 
Visit our BLENDED FAMILY COACHING page.

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Keep Your Blended Family Antenna Up!

PICTURE THIS!...

Your Blended Family
Rabbit Ears
Picking Up Stepfamily
Signals Around You.

Recently I was with my good friend Dr. Randy Shepard at a coffee place called GUSTO! in Lee's Summit.  We were discussing technology and college funding, two of his many areas of expertise.  In the shop was David Davies, another great friend of our ministry and a 'Bonafide Encourager' in every sense of the word.  He was across the room 'encouraging' (of course) a young man in some way.   I approached to say hello. 

After meeting his friend, the young man shared 'I've heard you speak. You shared at our early morning breakfast meeting last year' and then he, unbeknowst to him, inspired me.  He said 'You know, since you shared about the number of people facing struggles in stepfamilies in America, all of a sudden I now have my antenna up, and have found many people around me, that I pointed to your ministry'.

This is indeed what we are seeing as we put forth our message of encouragement, hope, practical tips and inspiration.  The more people know about the 'under the radar' demographic, the more they are 'willing to reach out'.  That is powerful. 

So here is our 'REACH OUT CHALLENGE' to YOU.
Picture walking around with these 'rabbit ears' on your head.

BLENDED FAMILY

RABBIT EARS ANTENNA

For generations rabbit ear antenna has been used to 'tune in' to a TV or radio signal.  I propose that you be a 'difference maker' in somebodies life.  Begin today to start 'tuning in' to the potential stepfamily frequency signal.  You may find signals and families all around you. See with over 23+ stepfamily there is absolutely the statistical probability that within your family, workplace, church or circle of friends that you know multiple cases of blended families.  Perhaps you'll notice a larger family that may not all resemble one another.  some match Dad, some more to Mom.  Or you may be witness to a conversation that is talking about a stepdad or stepmom.  Maybe even see or experience a drop off or exchange of children.  With your 'antenna up', you now are able to be a positive force in their life if you witness any challenges.  Yuo can say 'did you know there are organizations out there that can help?' Often times you may not know they may be struggling because they are having unique to their family stepfamily dynamic issues and don't want people to know.  YOU can now be a helper and a HERO!

YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!  
Send them to check out our resources at THE BONDED FAMILY.

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ANY AMOUNT is an ENCOURAGEMENT.

Blended Families, Rough Water and a Guide

 Blended Families... Can Face Rapids and Rough Waters

Listen to the 'GUIDE' as to how to maneuver the rocks.

We've had some tremendous vacations as a Family.  We wrote recently of 'vacating' and it's 'bonding power', because you are 'away, alone and accepting'.  I can't stress the power of 'vacation' as a means to discovering each other and finding blessings and bonds in that time.

One 'Christmas vacation' was a small cabin, at a closed for the winter YMCA camp, just us, that left us with some great memories of 'owning' the Grand Lodge Hall, which we used to produce fun that was captured in video and will echo for decades. 

A 'Tradition' of stopping at Metropolis, IL and getting a picture with Superman lives on even today.  Great joy in youth, 'oh Dad' in teen years.

                    Our memory of visiting Washington DC for the 4th of July fireworks.  Remembering checking in through super tight post 9/11 security, sitting three hours in the intermittent rain on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.  Then to see the skies clear, and the DC Mall ablaze in a patriotic spectacular.  Voted all time best fireworks display by the family. 

'WHITEWATER' COLORADO

WHITEWATER RIVER RAFTING was voted the 'all time, all timer' great family vacation time.  So by now you want to know what that has to do with YOU, and not just our family times??

In stepfamily dynamics you can be assured that there will be some 'rough waters', some turbulence, some 'hold on to your seat' places. Often just simply due to the  'unknown' of what sometimes lies ahead on your family journey.  Stepfamilies often feel like the 'waters are moving fast', that they are 'swept under', that the 'rocks' are seemingly going to 'sink their ship' or the 'marriage or stepfamily raft of life'.   Of this you can be assured.  Those rocks will be ahead.  The waters will swirl and splash.  The whitewater may try to 'throw you off the boat'.  In fact there are usually forces at work 'hoping' you'll be crushed, toppled or even die as a family unit.  Sometime former relationships and wounds will 'reach in' to your family.  Foremost remember that satan is real.  He wants marriages, children, families...all life to be miserable. It's a fact.

God gave YOU and I a message of ENCOURAGEMENT AND HOPE 'for such a time as this'.  In our weak moments, our 'I can't do this' moments, our 'I am going down' moments... read this, repeat this promise of God.  Yes...it is GOD'S PROMISE, not mine, Dr. Phil's, Oprah's or anyone elses...it's God personal commitment and PROMISE to YOU!

Isaiah 43 : 2 shares in Scripture (NIV):

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
   I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
   they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
   you will not be burned;
   the flames will not set you ablaze.

The MESSAGE, another Bible version shares it this way...

"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you, I've called your name. You're mine.
When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.
   When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you're between a rock and a hard place,
   it won't be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God..."

You see, God offers to be your GUIDE in life.  He knows best how to 'steer' through the rough waters, the rocks and the challenges.  In the picture above our 'GUIDE' is the only person visible.  Our family is 'below the water' so to speak, yet the 'guide' knows exactly how to lead us out of the rough waters.  I put my family's 'trust' in her hands.  People in general seem to only turn to God, to put their trust in Him, during times of catastrophe, serious illness or near death situation.  At The Bonded Family, we suggest turning to Him every day.  Giving thanks when the water is smooth and from where He's taken us already, asking Him to be with us in the journey ahead.  Not just in a crisis.   THE MESSAGE OF THIS BLOG.... LET GOD BE YOUR GUIDE IN YOUR BLENDED FAMILY.  Our research, data, experiences with thousands and success statistics prove it true.  If you think you know a 'smarter' way... perhaps you should check out this page on our website.  http://www.thebondedfamily.com/lifeinstructionmanual

Be sure and visit our website, THE BONDED FAMILY for events, resources and our new WEEKLY VIDEO BONDCAST COACHING.  Best resource for blended families available today for weekly LIVE Question and Answer sessions and topical discussions.  Plus get video mail with TIP OF THE WEEK.
Find more about BLENDED FAMILY COACHING

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And remember to Keep Looking UP!

 

Copyright, The Bonded Family 2011

God is Sad for a Blended Family when...

'God is Sad When...'
When We Act Broken In Our Ways...
A "NO Stinkin' Thinkin'" Blended Family Thought

In our regular weekly Blended Family Fellowship on Sunday mornings here in Kansas City we have some tremendous and very cool people.  Rebecca and I often say 'we get more back and learn more from others when we teach than we give'.

Ron and Laurie Grant

Ron and Laurie Grant are an awesome couple.  Truly a blended family couple that walks and lives out the Bible verse Romans 8:37 'we are overcomers / we are more than conquerors with Christ' (paraphrasing).

They have great joy and love.  Also, like most, they have faced trials.  They are shining examples of trusting God, perseverance and knowing that 'God is not done' in any situation.  A couple to be emulated.

Recently as we were talking about behavior and situations that arise in stepfamily dynamics Laurie said 'You know I bet God is sad when that happens.'   I thought to myself... 'Self...that is profound and people should think about that in their blended family interactions...or for that matter...anywhere'.  I asked them for permission to borrow and 'expound' upon their wisdom with what came to my heart when she said that.

God is the almighty powerful force in the universe.  The Bible shares where He has got mad, brought about consequences, plagues, storms, fire, wind, you name it.  Jesus even got mad at His disciples when they fell asleep in the garden after he asked them to pray.  Or when Jesus overturned the tables in the temple.  We've read of God's upset.  But we often don't think, and we should, 'does God get sad?'.   'Do we hurt our loving Heavenly Father?'  I think the answer is YES.

I don't want to enter into a 'theological' debate over this.  I'm not a Pastor, nor theologian.  I did seek scripture on this and welcome anyone else's thoughts.  But for those who want to point out my contextual errors... I also share wryly a quote from my friend and a wonderful man of God, Zig Ziglar, "Some people find fault like there's a reward for it."  Keep that one tucked away in your heart for future reference in your life.

Certainly as a Father, we can imagine the sadness God felt when His Son Jesus was tortured, mocked and crucified. Think on that sadness for a minute. Jesus was sad when Lazarus was dead.  The shortest verse in the Bible? John 11:35  "Jesus wept".

I am pretty sure that "God is sad when He sees...."

- a smart person like you make poor choices when knowing better
- our hurt and pain and tears over relationship struggles
- a divorce and the ripples it causes through people's lives
- children's lives impacted by parents who bicker over custody
- a husband or a wife unleash a sharp tongue to their spouse
- a misunderstood stepfamily member not fully grasping how to cope
- the hurt and pain that children feel when they miss a parent
- He sees the hurt and pain a parent feels when they miss their children
- the light in a child's eyes dim when they're blasted by a stepparent
- ache in a stepparent heart when a child shouts 'You're not my Dad!'
- a 'christian' treating a divorcee or single parent with disdain
- a couple turning away from Him for marriage solutions
- all the "Stinkin' Thinkin'" that goes on in selfish hearts
- observes me -  maybe you too - and sees my bad spirit about things

See God sees all.   He knows your joys and your sorrows.  Loves you the same when you are good or slipping in your walk with Him.

Ephesians 4: 29-32 shares it so well for blended family relationships:

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. ³¹ Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."   

God does 'grieve' when we treat one another wrongly.  He forgave us.  We are His children He wants us to model ourselves after His ways.

Rebecca and I have always shared with our six children "Do what's right...even when no one is looking."  If we coach, mentor and teach our children honor, truth and unconditional love, whatever their biological role, we are serving them in their life.  If we show grace and mercy and 'The Golden Rule' in tough situations (former spouses, treating children fairly, etc), even when it's hard, then our children and future generations of their children will be blessed.

There are a lot of cool things going on at The Bonded Family. Visit our website to see.  http://www.thebondedfamily.com 
* Zig Ziglar's Daughter Julie Ziglar to speak at TBF Luncheon May 20th
* Weekly Coaching Program that pays for future conference investment

And you can join us - you don't have to attend our church - every Sunday and "Meet Ron and Laurie" in person.  You'll love them as we all do.  For info about the Sunday Fellowship our blended family resources, write: dan@thebondedfamily.com 


Keep Looking UP!

Blended Family Getaway in Colorado!

36 Hours Left to Register ----  THIS WEEKEND! 
ONLY TWO SPOTS LEFT!  Renew Your Marriage and Family.
Blended Family Getaway - Workshop and Retreat for Couples
Colorado Weekend Offers Renewal, Rest and Rediscovering Purpose

Mention the word 'Colorado' and 9 out of 10 people will get a big smile, rise to attention and enthusiastically say they 'love Colorado' using descriptive words like majestic, fun, peaceful, special and foremost relaxing and renewing to their hearts.

That's why THIS WEEKEND April 1st through the 3rd we are bringing blended family couples to HORN CREEK CAMP in Colorado for a special couples weekend called 'BLENDED FAMILY GETAWAY - a Workshop, Retreat and Renewal time for couples seeking to better 'bond' their blended family (stepfamily).

More information quickly at: www.thebondedfamily.com/horncreek

The Horn Creek facility is nestled in the Rocky Mountains about 80 minutes southwest of Colorado Springs.  The Meadows cabins, the part of the camp we will be at, is the newest part of the complex and holds a special mountain lodge feel that will allow for relaxing and learning at the same time.  We purposefully built in lots of husband and wife getaway time into the weekend. 

You can arrive early on Friday morning at the camp to take advantage of the recreation center with a full basketball, bowling, rock climbing, internet cafe, volleyball and other amenities. Our formal workshop sessions together begin Friday evening 6:30 to 9:30, then Saturday AM from 9:00 to 11:30, then Saturday evening 6:30 to 10:00 with a campfire after that.  Sunday morning service at 9:30 AM allows still for time before leaving camp later in the day.  So adding up time you can just 'take in the mountains' could be up to 24 hours apart from the group alone if you choose.  There will be group activities, fun games, tournament competition if you choose to participate.

IMPORTANTLY...the SUPER RATE we've partnered with Horn Creek to offer you.  For $269 a couple (yes that's not per person, but per couple) you will get three (3) great days and two (2) nights at the cabins, ALL your meals, coffee and snacks during the workshops, use of the camp facilities, couples pictures in the mountains taken by TBF staff members for your memories, PLUS 8+ hours of blended family fun and informative workshops from some of the leading authorities in the nation on stepfamily dynamics. Where else can you get a hotel, all your food, training and a 'view' like that for $269 per couple.  We say 'Thank You Horn Creek' for delivering a great weekend getaway partnership.



If you are a Grandparent, Family member, Co-Worker or Friend of a Couple you know could use a boost in their blended family situation, consider SPONSORING a couple to this special weekend.

 http://www.destination360.com/north-america/us/wyoming/rocky-mountains
Special Thanks toDestination360 for this pic.

                                                                                                                

How are your Blended Family world windows?

Blended Family Life can be a place for a 'Fresh Start'

Do YOU know a Stepfamily that could use a boost?

SEE them with 'new windows' from your heart.

*** NOTE *** A struggling couple we are coaching mentioned their 'neighbors', even people at their own church, seemed to be judgmental about their new marriage and blended family.  Even felt like they were being 'whispered' about. This hurts. Anyone who has walked through divorce, single parenthood and now perhaps blended family life knows firsthand the sometimes 'branded-ness' (by some) of the situation.  Our tag line is 'from broken to blended to bonded'. Sometimes 'branded' is part of that brokenness. Remember, God doesn't make mistakes. Keep Looking UP!

TWO STORIES TO ENCOURAGE YOU TODAY:

(First a story I read multiple places online a couple of years ago.
Knew it might serve others one day.)

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. 
The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside. 

"That laundry is not very clean", she said. 
"She doesn't know how to wash correctly. 

Perhaps she needs better laundry soap." 

Her husband looked on, but remained silent.  Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry,  the young woman would make the same comments. 

See a Blended Family next door?

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: "Look, she has learned how to wash correctly.  I wonder who taught her this." 
The husband said, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows." 

And so it is with life. What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look.

ENCOURAGING 2nd story from scripture... John 8 : 1-12

"The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

Blended Family Fresh Starts

 But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”  “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

My wonderful wife Rebecca often mentions that she wonders if Jesus, as he knelt and was writing in the dust of the ground, was actually writing the 'shortcomings' and 'sins' of the Pharisees.  Or perhaps to share with the woman, right where she is at, that she was free to go and begin anew in her life.  

We certainly understand why God states in Malachi that He hates divorce.  We do too.  The ripples it causes His people for generations is not His plan.  But it is not an unpardonable sin, nor a place where others can condemn if you truly are seeking a 'new beginning'.  SO BE ENCOURAGED!  GOD LOVES YOU!  HAS A GREAT PLAN FOR YOU!  BELIEVE IN HIM!

Whether it's your own house windows or the public square, where is your heart.  Help a marriage, a child, a neighbor, co-worker or fellow church member rise up above their circumstance and see the 'fresh starts' that God offers them.

We are here to help:  www.thebondedfamily.com   We know you can do it.  If God believes in you and is for you, who can be against you?  We'll help you become 'overcomers' in your family setting like you've never believed you could.  We offer practical tips and the inspiration to 'keep on, keepin' on'.   That's the key.  Not just in the techniques but in the special touch and strength of God.

PERHAPS A GRANDPARENT, NEIGHBOR, FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER?   Consider a SPONSORSHIP / SCHOLARSHIP to our upcoming Colorado weekend April 1-3.  Call a family member or some couple you know struggling and say 'we want to send you to Colorado for a fresh start'.  www.tbfcolorado.eventbrite.com

BLENDED FAMILY Lessons from a Walmart Morning

WHOEVER THAT DAD WAS...
HE SHAPED A CHILD'S FUTURE!
Follow this guys lead in your Blended Family.

It was a recent blustery, snow-filled Saturday morning and I was off to grab some waffle mix, eggs, milk and cantelope for a 'Dad's Waffle Breakfast Morning'.  Not enough Saturday's free, so I was excited to enjoy that family tradition.  Good 'bonding' time and hey, I even like my own waffles, so while the kids slept I went to Walmart early to grab the 'stuff'.

As I thought I would be in and out, little did I know I would leave the store with much more than food for family, but bigger than that...food for life.  To share with you.

While I was in the waffle mix aisle, I could not help but overhear the joyful voice, from the next aisle over, of a youngster repeating his Father's words and mentoring.  I heard the little voice say 'I am a happy boy!' repeating his Dad. Then it was 'I can grow up to do great things!' following the coaching, then an interesting comment that really sparked my interest,  'I look for the good in people!' followed by 'God made me special!'.

By this time those of you that know me, understand already that my cart was wheeling around the corner to go meet this 'Super Dad'.  Surely I thought I would find Zig Ziglar's first cousin, Anthony Robbins himself, or maybe just some high school football coach in a cap with a whistle around his neck who knew the power of inspiring his players.  Or perhaps one of those 'hired WalMart Greeter' people who usually are fairly fired up individuals themselves.  They seem to naturally have a smiley face on and love people thanks to Sam Walton's legacy.

You see the voice I heard, but could not see, from across the top of the waffle and cereal aisle divide certainly was certainly a character shaper and a giant of a man.  I wanted to meet him and shake his hand!  Tell him I love what I heard!

So when I spun my cart down that next aisle and looked ahead I did not see any of those wondermen of motivation I spoke of, but instead a man in a torn overcoat, scraggly beard and a weary walk.   After greeting the man and telling him how powerfully he impacted me from across the aisle top, he simply said 'I want Joey to grow up with more positive voices in his little head than I did'.  God's gonna make him better than me'.  Wow!  After hugging the man and telling him God's already blessed this little guy with you, I asked little Joey 'are you happy?'.  He smiled big and blurted out 'I'm a happy boy!'

I had earlier especially been taken by the boy following the wisdom of... "I look for the good in people". Worth repeating. 'Look for the good in people'.

Especially in stepfamilies, too often a parent or child is 'looking for error' in a relationship instead of following that wonderful wisdom...'look for the good'.

Blended Families or any family.   Learn from a scraggly bearded man, who might just have been an angel so I can share this story with you.  Encourage your children.  Be a positive and Godly force that echos into their future.

Scripture shares in Proverbs Chapter 17 and Verse 22...

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Go tell somebody THREE THINGS that you like about them.
It will be...good medicine.  And God just may give you one more step on the journey 'from Broken to Blended to BONDED'.

Visit our website    http://www.thebondedfamily.com/

Keep Looking UP!

Blended Family Tree

NOTE: Sunday, in our weekly Blended Family Fellowship Class ...Rebecca shared wonderfully about 'tree trunks'.  Made me think about a 2008 blog worth repeating.
 
See Your Blended Family Tree Grow

After a recent snow and ice storm, I helped my Father-in-law cut down and haul away a very large branch of a giant tree that he had planted long, long ago. It was a towering willow tree planted along a small lake. It had stood the test of time over 37 years. Now one of the willows large cut up branch lay ready to become firewood for our families. As I looked at the ‘tree rings’ depicting the chronology of that tree and the large branch, a smile came over me in a big way … there is a message for Blended Families in this tree.

Each year that a tree is alive it grows another ring, making its trunk wider. The thickness of each ring depends on what the weather, the climate, lightning strikes, fire damage or the storms were like during the year in which it grew that ring. A wide ring indicates faster growth (good conditions), whereas a narrow ring or scar of some sort indicates poor growth (bad conditions). When a tree is cut, the rings can be "read" like a diary of the ‘history of life’ of that tree. Families also can have ‘tree ring’ story in their chronology diary... and by God's hand we can have good growth.

In Blended Families we too have seasons of life or our own family ‘tree rings’. Often in blended families, despite being ‘branded’ broken, there is much joy, happiness and many good seasons, and yes occasionally some will probably be not so good. That is normal. Like all of life, God gives us seasons we go through in order to see His hand in our life. He wants us to know that placing our trust in HIM offers strength through all the seasons. So that our ‘tree rings’ will show genuine growth.

We encourage you to take this to heart in your step-family. Often times in divorce, remarriage and new blended family / step-family life the ‘storms’ seem to be just a little stronger, the ‘heat’ feels a little hotter, and the ‘winds’ seem to blow more powerfully against us, testing the strength of our tree. Parental interaction, children’s behavior and emotions, financial challenges, and cooperation with former spouses can all offer ‘climate’ that sometimes seems to try to knock down or knock out a family.

We encourage blended families / step-families who we coach through difficult situations to look first for patience, perseverance and victory through trusting God. We respect the secular viewpoints that offer insight into the dynamics of step-family life, yet as we have invested years of research, reading, interviews with families, and conversations with family therapists and professionals, we continue to find the real power is in God’s Hands. The foundation of your blended family, your ‘tree ring’ and family chronology success in this sense must be fully planted in the Word of God. The greatest growth of your tree ring can be found through planting, and your family by the streams of living water.

In Psalms 1: 1-3, we are offered perfect wisdom to follow;

Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,

or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers.

But his delight is in the law of the LORD,

and on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree planted by streams of water,

which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither.

Whatever he does prospers.

So that your ‘blended family chronology’ will prosper, through the “storms” and “climate” challenges, you and your spouse must plant yourself as the parents ‘by the streams of living water’ and draw a line in the sand for your family by fully trust God. He is the root and the trunk, you are the branch. Then you may ‘see things with new eyes’ and ‘hear things with new ears’.We encourage blended families to look for God in all things, good and some seemingly bad, and keep your ‘roots’ firmly planted in prayer and in God’s Word daily. You can be ‘like the tree…which yields fruit in season, whose leaf does not wither. Do not walk in the counsel of negative people, or those who mock biblical wisdom. Stand strong, you will get through it. If you trust God, your tree will stand and reach up to the sky and one day you will see its fruit.

Our family tree, and our own blended family chronology, has had some thick rings with great years of growth, and some rings where you can sense the storms came. In all times, we kept the ‘roots’ planted in God’s Hands, even when the world might say we should crash. We have seen God’s goodness and His glory, and He has firmly planted in our hearts to pass along the encouragement, hope and motivation for you and your blended family.