Social scientists study interpersonal communication. Their expert studies state that regarding actual interpersonal communication 'less than 10% in the clarity of the message comes from the 'WORDS' themselves. Around 40% comes from our 'TONE OF VOICE'. Foremost, the most impactful form, over 50% of our true interpersonal communication is 'FACIAL EXPRESSION and BODY LANGUAGE.'
In other words, LISTEN more. HEAR your child's and your spouse's HEART. LISTEN for the HEART...not the words. SEE their COUNTENANCE and what it saying, and not just react to a potential smirk or eye roll. Speak only after you 'understand' their deep hurts, joys and thoughts. Be clear not to jump to 'wrath' (upset, comments, judgement, etc) as that is not what God would advise.
As you work yourself into the routine of 'three minutes a day' keep it upbeat, positive and casual, especially at first. Some sample idea questions to ask the first few efforts into your LISTENING time. You don't have to ask them all at once. Be casual and comfortable. You're investing in a RELATIONSHIP. It will take time and PRACTICE. Consider questions like...
1) Tell me what you think our family is doing well in your eyes?
2) Tell me something we could do next week to hang out together?
3) What areas in our new family 'pinch' your heart a little?
AFTER EACH....BE STILL AND LISTEN.
The key is...BEGINNING. Then PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE.
Even LEBRON JAMES had to practice what didn't come natural. So to be a championship level parent...practice championship communications.
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Thanks for LISTENING and KEEP LOOKING UP!