SUPER BOWL SUNDAY! Blended Families CAN WIN!

SUPER SUNDAY!
Giants - Patriots?  
Be Enthusiastic That...
The Clock is Still Running...
On Your Blended Family 
BIGGEST VICTORIES!

Sometimes in the dynamics of stepfamily life, we often feel like an 'underdog' role in our families.  Parents or children are often in an 'arena of life' that presents itself with bumps and challenges. We wish there were referee's sometimes.  Somebody to 'blow the whistle' or 'throw a penalty flag'.  This blog entry is about how to find our way to victory..... in the Super Bowl of life.  Even if you feel ONE YARD SHORT...remember... GOD'S NOT DONE!  CLOCK IS STILL TICKING.

Speaking of Super Bowl participants, I want to share a fantastic book and it's relationship to step-family life. In the last few years it has been my privilege and honor to get to know Coach Les Steckel, who is the President / CEO of FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes). In 2006 he authored his autobiography entitled 'ONE YARD SHORT, Turning Your Defeats into Victories'. It is a 'must read book' for blended family parents. The title is derived from the final play of the 2000 Super Bowl between the St. Louis Rams and Steckel’s Titans, a play that has been called the most exciting play in Super Bowl history. (I remember our family - half cheering the Rams, half cheering the Titans - as our blended family of eight watched that incredible sports moment.)

Steckel’s book chronicles his life journey and his compelling stories and testimony makes it tough to put down once you start. I am in the middle of reading the book currently. It is a 'MEGA-ENCOURAGEMENT BLESSING' book that offers us yet another testimony to trusting in God and His incredible Hand. Anyone in a blended family, adult or teen should read this book. It isn't just a sports book, a guy book, it's a life book. Moms, Grandmas and Daughters will love it also.

HOW DOES "ONE YARD SHORT" RELATE TO BLENDED FAMILY LIFE? Often in the dynamics of stepfamily life one feels like you are often behind, things look tough, it is 'fourth down', that you want to 'punt' and hope seems lost. That's when we really do need to 'put on our headset and call upstairs to get the next play to call'. What I mean by that is to 'look to God for your next move, how to handle a child or marriage scenario'. He will answer. He may not always give us the 'play' we want to call, but the PLAYBOOK (BIBLE) we are called to draw from does not offer mistaken advice. Check out the playbook of life (the Bible).

Find a Bible that holds in the back a "Concordance" or 'topics list'. There you can find answers to blended family common questions in areas like... patience, perseverance, hope, forgiveness, self-discipline, encouragement and most of all the promise you can trust of 'peace that surpasses all understanding.'

YES YOU CAN be a Super Bowl Champion-like Blended Family if you let our Lord God Almighty lead you in calling the signals in your family. Check out your playbook (Bible) today.

For more information on Coach Les Steckel and FCA, go to:
http://www.fca.org/AboutFCA/ExecutiveTeam.lsp

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Blended Family Duct Tape Rule 2012

Facing a Stepfamily 'Harsh Word' Moment?

Think TBF 'DUCT TAPE RULE' Now

If you are a member of a stepfamily you know the moment.  Something has wounded you.  Somebody as done or said something inconsiderate, probably hurtful and often done in a flash moment that one wishes they could 'take back'.

So let's together all go buy a roll of 'DUCT TAPE'.  Keep it handy as a image to improve we'll explain below.  So we can implement - both for fun and serious improvement for our families - the "DUCT TAPE RULE".   The uses of duct tape have been chronicled, joked about, tested on TV and basically touted as the 'official fixer' of anything.  Well, perhaps we can add yet another line to duct tape legend.  Heard any words like these?

"Your children are not disciplined!"

"I quit.  I can't handle this marriage this way."

"You favor your kids over mine."

"Your not my Dad!"
"This stepfamily stuff stinks!"

Whether age5 or 95, we've heard of sharp tongue moment stories and outbursts like above and more.  Have any of these ever maybe been you? If so, you're not alone.  Over 23+ million stepfamily households in the USA.  So, given the normal human beings we are... probably about 5 million people today said something that should have fallen under the 'DUCT TAPE RULE'. 

The BLENDED FAMILY DUCT TAPE RULE.

<>  <> 

STEPFAMILY Sharped
Tongue Member



I can laugh and say that if I were to recognize all my former slip ups I might look like the DUCT TAPE GUY on the right.

Scripture shares it so well in James 3:5 describing the power of our spoken word (tongue)... 'the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts.   Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.'
American's spend way too little time listening, sharing or communicating with our children.  Then At The Bonded Family we suggest at least 7 minutes a day. It goes fast! Make sure your sitting or standing or kneeling (if they are youngsters) and together you are at their eye level.  Eyeball to eyeball...NOT giant parent to little kid downward communication arrangement.  You'll grow closer at eye level.

Let there be no mistake...our tongue can spark a hurt, a fight or a longstanding squabble.  The more we work to have self-control, the better our family will be.  And in stepfamily dynamics, it IS IMPORTANT to take EXTRA CARE of your tongue and emotions. Every moment or situation, despite seeming big at that instant is not always... 'a hill to take the last dying stand for'.

It truly can be very hard to be still 'in the moment', yet as a potential 'TBF Family Huddle' discussion item, talk about how words can wound.  How things we say in a moment of hurt impact others.  Discuss the Golden Rule when it comes to communicating with one another in our family words. Also even  how our looks at each other. Ask kids to describe 'Mom or Dad' 'I am not happy look'.  That'll bring some laughs.   If your family is a 'word picture', 'symbolic' or 'example' type family, pull out a roll or two of DUCT TAPE and say 'Let's try the 'BLENDED FAMILY DUCT TAPE RULE' from here on out.  "Who is willing to start watching their words better?" 

Get your new family to agree that if you are about to say something...or maybe just said something harsh...go grab the duct tape roll in a way to express that you 'understand' what you said was hurtful and you wish you had duct tape ever your mouth that moment. (**IMPORTANT for 'literal' readers we are NOT recommending duct taping anyones mouth...it's a WORD PICTURE. Smiling for you.)   

Often times, the recognize a situation can teach and coach maturity in relationships for our children.  After all, we are to 'raise them up in the way they should go.'  Mentoring and Coaching our children to 'hold their tongue' when about to be harsh will SERVE THEIR FUTURES WELL.


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TRY THIS!  PRINT OFF ANY OF THE ABOVE DUCT TAPE PICTURES. PUT IT ON YOUR REFRIGERATOR OR BULLETIN BOARD AS A FUN REMINDER TO YOUR BLENDED FAMILY....LET'S BOND AND USE KIND WORDS.

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Sometimes we forget to share all of the stepfamily encouraging resources we offer.

This is a quick reminder that you can get FREE PODCASTS on your iPhone, iPad, iPod, Android, Galaxy or other smart device.  Listen, Laugh, Learn.  You always will come away with at least one "Yes, that's me" or a "Good idea!" or a "God is Good!" or some other heartfelt thought.

Click on the images now to go to your free stepfamily resource.

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Blended Family Today was started in 2009 and was the 'first of it's kind' radio program on traditional radio, based in Kansas City, yet broadcast globally that was directed 100% to stepfamily dynamics.

 

Dan and Rebecca interview nationally recognized figures such as:

• Pat Williams, Sr. VP of the Orlando Magic & Author of over 70 books 
• Zig Ziglar Family (Tom Ziglar, Julie Ziglar Norman & husband Jim) 
• J.J. Jasper, AFR Radio's DJ / nationally recognized Comedian
• Dr. Dan Erickson, Author of 'God Loves Do-Overs'
• Dr. Ken Canfield, Author, Speaker, 2006 KS Gubernatorial Candidate
• Jill Brooke, former CNN on-air personality / noted author & blogger
• Robert Sherwood, fmr Silicon Valley exec & Entrepreneur of the Year
• Dr. Randy Shepard, College Funding Expert
• Al and Kay Betz, Founders of OUTFLUENCE
• Carey Casey, CEO of the National Center for Fathering
• Dr. Bob Reccord, Pastor, Author and nationally recognized speaker
• Patricia Plum, Forgiveness Expert
• Bill Nicks (aka James Naismith, Pres. Dwight Eisenhower & more)
• Henri Boucard, Career Planning Expert
• ++ many more you'll enjoy, & learn from for your marriage & family

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Blended Families ... Embracing the Word YET!

A POWER BONDING WORD
for your Blended Family.

Our daughter Amanda started high school this year.  Something TREMENDOUS happened as we attended 'Meet the Teacher' Night.  Rebecca and I joyfully discovered every one of her teachers absolutely loves their job.  You could see it in their face, their speech, their plans, their hopes for our daughter...they LOVED their jobs.  You can tell alot about an educator when they love their job.  They'll find the way to inspire our children to learn and grow and prosper in life...not just get through the daily work.  We see WINNERS at Ray-Pec high school.  From the Bus Driver to the Band Teacher... all posessed the great attitudes that make learning fun and lasting!

So here is our SHOUT OUT and APPLAUSE for Raymore-Peculiar High School and the teachers we met.   Great Work and Thank You!

As we walked into the Advanced Geometry classroom, we enjoyed hearing an upbeat 'we are discovering learning together' message from Mrs. Gina Prowell.  My often ADD giant right brain bounced around the room (my friends are smiling and thinking "Squirrel!" from the movie UP! right now) scanned the setting and saw multiple locations of signage with the word "YET!".   Simply the word 'YET!' on a wall, a filing cabinet, above the chalkboard (oops, I guess it's 'whiteboard' now days), right near her desk and other places.

So when it was time for the famous 'are their any questions', your daydreaming friend Dan asked 'What do all those YET!'s mean?'  You should have seen the looks on the other parents.  WHAT is this dummy talking about??? Of course our daughter smiled and knew Dad had been scanning the room.

Mrs. Prowell seemed to like the question and here's where the POWER WORD was described by her.  When a student stumbles with an answer or a problem or comes to her and says 'I don't get this', she is sure to smile at them and get them to add to the end of the phrase the 'power word' YET!

As always...you may now be thinking...
'Dan, how's this relate to stepfamilies?'

OK...I'll share that. 
I'm confident by now you know where you can lead your marriage and family.  Add YET! to these very common quotes and SEE THE DIFFERENCE:


He doesn't love my children like he loves his own......YET!
My 'ex' is not honoring the parenting plan...YET!
My stepdaughter doesn't want to have anything to do with me....YET!
We're lost in this stepfamily life, we don't know how to navigate...YET!
My adult children aren't accepting my spouse in their life.....YET!
We don't seem to agree at all over discipline for the children...YET!
I just can't handle this hectic schedule with two families ...YET!
My parents are accepting my new wife as a part of the family...YET
Our finances are hurting so bad and we don't have the answer...YET!
Our two teenagers are accepting and bonding together...YET!
We don't know where to turn for answers...YET! 

The list of phrases could go on.  So YOU FILL IN YOUR QUESTION and simply add YET! to your challenge.  Like Geometry teacher Gina Prowell, stay positive, believe you can overcome doubt, fear and discouragement.  At TBF we challenge you to make sure you are a YET! family!  Smile at your spouse and remind them.  When you children complain or discuss what's 'not working' teach them this powerful 'keeper for life' word and attitude.

Scripture has some ENCOURAGEMENT in this area.
Romans Chapter 5 very early on reminds us...

'...by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.'

Blended Family Life, especially working towards being a BONDED FAMILY does take perseverance and hope.   YES YOU CAN get through all things.  Say YET! and keep asking God for the strength you need to find victory.

For your WEEKLY BLENDED FAMILY COACHING AND TIPS... check out our BONDCAST and Weekly Tips available to you.  We'll take you through some YET! questions each week.

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Dan Snell

Feel Free to Copy and Paste this YET! below and put it on your REFRIGERATOR.
REFRIGERATOR ART for the blended family ages.

 

Blog @Copyright The Bonded Family 2011

BLACK CATS and BLENDED FAMILIES

BLACK CATS and BLENDED FAMILIES.
Neither Myth is True...So Live Victoriously!

We are a blended family. 
We own a black cat also. 

Our culture has developed the attitude that blended families don't work... and somehow think that black cats are unlucky. Both these premises are man created MYTHS.  
God didn't create black cats, nor stepfamilies, to be bad, evil or full of potential woesome results. Man's imagination + "stinkin' thinkin'" did.

This morning our 17 year old black cat Crash (would take a whole blog to explain why that name) was walking back and forth in front of our youngest daughter Amanda. She laughed and said 'Wow, Crash has walked back and forth in front of me 5 times so I'll have 35 years bad luck'.  We all laughed.  Crashed looked at us - he holds a very communicative personality - and barked 'meow'.  Crash does seem to bark when he knows he's being talked about.  I was one of those 'don't like cats' guys until this feline was adopted away from homelessness. Crash is my buddy.  I admit it.  Cat-lovers cheer here.

So what does the black cat myth and blended families have in common?  Cats are very consistent in their behavior.  Depending on their 'personality' that can appear to be 'aloof', or maybe 'playful', 'standoff-ish' or sometimes 'mean-spirited'.  Cats actually can be very loyal buddies if you treat them right and 'invest' a little time bonding with them.   

Often personalities and relationship dynamics within blended families can be the same.  Each child is unique, somewhat different in their own special way. Thus relationships should be developed and nurtured differently.  Some will come quicker, some may take years.  Perseverance is a foundational word you hear a lot from our team at The Bonded Family.  Perseverance comes from trusting God. Seeing what happens when you 'let go and let God'. Remember this saying when you feel exasperated or there is no hope.  "God's not done".

It's also a real 'myth' that stepparents and stepchildren can't get along. Just like spending time with a kitten will help one 'bond' with the cat, we recommend that you 'invest time' to discover what talents and treasure each child holds. What are their dreams, hopes and wishes?  Don't simply buy into the negative stepfamily myths.  The more you understand your unique or complex family situation - and that is one of the goals at The Bonded Family - the more success you will have. Understanding behavior is key.  It's why people share with us after our conferences "I wish we knew THEN what we've learned from you NOW".

Putting a stake in the ground and committing your marriage and family into God's hands is the absolute success criteria foundation.  Without it...you are built on sandy soil.  Some will 'turn away' right now reading this saying 'Oh that God stuff', yet the fact are the facts, the true stats are there.  Write us and ask about them.  info@thebondedfamily.com


Our children hear often that rock solid advice for VICTORY in life...

"ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING"

Scripture also holds a verse that speaks to VICTORIOUS LIVING. 
PROVERBS 15:15 shares...

'All the days of the afflicted are bad,
But a cheerful heart has a continual feast.'

Work on your heart.  Discipline your mind.  See the good in all people.  Look for the good in all situations.  Discover the good where you can't see it at first.  Guard against feeling 'afflicted' or you 'days will be bad'.   INSTEAD... say to yourself and ask God to strengthen you and give you a CHEERFUL HEART so that your days and life - and your blended family - will feel as a 'CONTINUAL FEAST'

Sometimes that takes coaching.  We can help. 
Visit our BLENDED FAMILY COACHING page.

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Keep Your Blended Family Antenna Up!

PICTURE THIS!...

Your Blended Family
Rabbit Ears
Picking Up Stepfamily
Signals Around You.

Recently I was with my good friend Dr. Randy Shepard at a coffee place called GUSTO! in Lee's Summit.  We were discussing technology and college funding, two of his many areas of expertise.  In the shop was David Davies, another great friend of our ministry and a 'Bonafide Encourager' in every sense of the word.  He was across the room 'encouraging' (of course) a young man in some way.   I approached to say hello. 

After meeting his friend, the young man shared 'I've heard you speak. You shared at our early morning breakfast meeting last year' and then he, unbeknowst to him, inspired me.  He said 'You know, since you shared about the number of people facing struggles in stepfamilies in America, all of a sudden I now have my antenna up, and have found many people around me, that I pointed to your ministry'.

This is indeed what we are seeing as we put forth our message of encouragement, hope, practical tips and inspiration.  The more people know about the 'under the radar' demographic, the more they are 'willing to reach out'.  That is powerful. 

So here is our 'REACH OUT CHALLENGE' to YOU.
Picture walking around with these 'rabbit ears' on your head.

BLENDED FAMILY

RABBIT EARS ANTENNA

For generations rabbit ear antenna has been used to 'tune in' to a TV or radio signal.  I propose that you be a 'difference maker' in somebodies life.  Begin today to start 'tuning in' to the potential stepfamily frequency signal.  You may find signals and families all around you. See with over 23+ stepfamily there is absolutely the statistical probability that within your family, workplace, church or circle of friends that you know multiple cases of blended families.  Perhaps you'll notice a larger family that may not all resemble one another.  some match Dad, some more to Mom.  Or you may be witness to a conversation that is talking about a stepdad or stepmom.  Maybe even see or experience a drop off or exchange of children.  With your 'antenna up', you now are able to be a positive force in their life if you witness any challenges.  Yuo can say 'did you know there are organizations out there that can help?' Often times you may not know they may be struggling because they are having unique to their family stepfamily dynamic issues and don't want people to know.  YOU can now be a helper and a HERO!

YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!  
Send them to check out our resources at THE BONDED FAMILY.

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Blended Families, Rough Water and a Guide

 Blended Families... Can Face Rapids and Rough Waters

Listen to the 'GUIDE' as to how to maneuver the rocks.

We've had some tremendous vacations as a Family.  We wrote recently of 'vacating' and it's 'bonding power', because you are 'away, alone and accepting'.  I can't stress the power of 'vacation' as a means to discovering each other and finding blessings and bonds in that time.

One 'Christmas vacation' was a small cabin, at a closed for the winter YMCA camp, just us, that left us with some great memories of 'owning' the Grand Lodge Hall, which we used to produce fun that was captured in video and will echo for decades. 

A 'Tradition' of stopping at Metropolis, IL and getting a picture with Superman lives on even today.  Great joy in youth, 'oh Dad' in teen years.

                    Our memory of visiting Washington DC for the 4th of July fireworks.  Remembering checking in through super tight post 9/11 security, sitting three hours in the intermittent rain on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.  Then to see the skies clear, and the DC Mall ablaze in a patriotic spectacular.  Voted all time best fireworks display by the family. 

'WHITEWATER' COLORADO

WHITEWATER RIVER RAFTING was voted the 'all time, all timer' great family vacation time.  So by now you want to know what that has to do with YOU, and not just our family times??

In stepfamily dynamics you can be assured that there will be some 'rough waters', some turbulence, some 'hold on to your seat' places. Often just simply due to the  'unknown' of what sometimes lies ahead on your family journey.  Stepfamilies often feel like the 'waters are moving fast', that they are 'swept under', that the 'rocks' are seemingly going to 'sink their ship' or the 'marriage or stepfamily raft of life'.   Of this you can be assured.  Those rocks will be ahead.  The waters will swirl and splash.  The whitewater may try to 'throw you off the boat'.  In fact there are usually forces at work 'hoping' you'll be crushed, toppled or even die as a family unit.  Sometime former relationships and wounds will 'reach in' to your family.  Foremost remember that satan is real.  He wants marriages, children, families...all life to be miserable. It's a fact.

God gave YOU and I a message of ENCOURAGEMENT AND HOPE 'for such a time as this'.  In our weak moments, our 'I can't do this' moments, our 'I am going down' moments... read this, repeat this promise of God.  Yes...it is GOD'S PROMISE, not mine, Dr. Phil's, Oprah's or anyone elses...it's God personal commitment and PROMISE to YOU!

Isaiah 43 : 2 shares in Scripture (NIV):

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
   I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
   they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
   you will not be burned;
   the flames will not set you ablaze.

The MESSAGE, another Bible version shares it this way...

"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you, I've called your name. You're mine.
When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.
   When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you're between a rock and a hard place,
   it won't be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God..."

You see, God offers to be your GUIDE in life.  He knows best how to 'steer' through the rough waters, the rocks and the challenges.  In the picture above our 'GUIDE' is the only person visible.  Our family is 'below the water' so to speak, yet the 'guide' knows exactly how to lead us out of the rough waters.  I put my family's 'trust' in her hands.  People in general seem to only turn to God, to put their trust in Him, during times of catastrophe, serious illness or near death situation.  At The Bonded Family, we suggest turning to Him every day.  Giving thanks when the water is smooth and from where He's taken us already, asking Him to be with us in the journey ahead.  Not just in a crisis.   THE MESSAGE OF THIS BLOG.... LET GOD BE YOUR GUIDE IN YOUR BLENDED FAMILY.  Our research, data, experiences with thousands and success statistics prove it true.  If you think you know a 'smarter' way... perhaps you should check out this page on our website.  http://www.thebondedfamily.com/lifeinstructionmanual

Be sure and visit our website, THE BONDED FAMILY for events, resources and our new WEEKLY VIDEO BONDCAST COACHING.  Best resource for blended families available today for weekly LIVE Question and Answer sessions and topical discussions.  Plus get video mail with TIP OF THE WEEK.
Find more about BLENDED FAMILY COACHING

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And remember to Keep Looking UP!

 

Copyright, The Bonded Family 2011