Welcome to a Blog for Blended Families !

Blended Families often seek Encouragement, Hope, Motivation and Insight. Join us here each week for practical & powerful ways to rise up & defeat those challenges that can weaken, damage or destroy your family.
.................... God has a plan for victory for YOU! ....................

Monday, December 21, 2009

Blended Families - Just Play YOUR BEST!

Stepfamilies, Just Play Your Best For One Another!

Do you have a favorite Christmas song? One that as a child you really loved? I did. The LITTLE DRUMMER BOY. Loved it!

This last week, Trace Thurlby, a friend and solid man of God was sharing a Christmas message to a luncheon group and he put the Drummer Boy song into special perspective. I immediately thought 'Hey there's a message in their for blended families too!'.

Trace said...'listen to the lyrics of the carol'. The words stood out as a thought to share with you, our blended family readers, to share encouragement and hope and inspiration. Inspiration from the Little Drummer Boy.

Come they told me, pa rum pum pum pum
A new born King to see, pa rum pum pum pum
Our finest gifts we bring, pa rum pum pum pum

Little Baby, pa rum pum pum pum
I am a poor boy too, pa rum pum pum pum
I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum
That's fit to give the King, pa rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Shall I play for you, pa rum pum pum pum, On my drum?

Mary nodded, pa rum pum pum pum
The ox and lamb kept time, pa rum pum pum pum
I played my drum for Him, pa rum pum pum pum
I played my best for Him, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Then He smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum Me and my drum.

Sometimes the holiday season can be challenging for blended families. Everyone wants to have time, and relationships. The dynamics of multiple houses can create emotions and conflicts for schedules. We also strive to make sure that gifts to children are special and memorable so the kids come away happy. We're sometimes called to balance any step-sibling rivalries. The extra efforts can place undue stress on marriages and families. It truly is a God-sized challenge that indeed requires seeking His wisdom in all things.

Remember, you are not alone if the 'other parents' house doesn't share well, or there is 'gift competitiveness'. Remember that Little Drummer Boy? He gift was merely playing his drum, while the "King's" brought lavish gifts to the baby Jesus. In stepfamilies, one house may try to be the "king", the better gift giver, or be the 'primary' house. A parent trying to be a 'better than you' parent is truly showing their insecurity. A fundamental position of any truly strong and great parent is..."It's okay to love both houses." Encouraging relationships with the other home makes you the parent to be admired.

Be the Drummer Boy...Play your Best!

Also...work to see these family dynamics throught the eyes of the children. One child may be unable to feel they received an equal gifting. Or they may act out of pressure from another parent. Seek to remember they are not equipped as adults are to filter out all the situations. So be patient with them. Again, God is not done with them or your relationships.

We stand by the coaching to always follow the "Golden Rule". Don't participate in 'stinking thinking'. You're children are watching. They will remember whether you were honorable, or dealt with someone they love dishonorably. We have coached families with children who, now in their twenties and thirties, have turned around on the alienating parent for costing them childhood relationships and memories. It can be very hurtful and hard for the targeted parent to walk through dishonorable behavior toward them 'during' the lost time, yet always remember...GOD IS NOT DONE.

And just focus on...Playing your Best!
When you think you have nothing to give...Play your Best!
It's what the Little Drummer Boy - who had nothing - did.

We encourage all blended families parents, and even grandparents, to be strong and to not let these dynamics affect who we are and 'Whose' we are. God loves us, loves our families and wants joy in this season. He knows the Truth. Remember, your kids love you. They are kids, not adults. They more than likely just want school's out fun and memories.

So let's ask God to whisper gently to 'be like that Little Drummer Boy'.

I played my best for Him, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Then He smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum
Me and my drum.

...in your behavior, patience and creating the good memories.

For more tips on Blended Family Holiday ideas visit our recent radio broadcast at: http://blendedfamilies.podomatic.com

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Celebrating Our Special and Historic VICTORIES in Blended Families

You'll Remember It When Looking Back.

Bob White, a great friend, is a very special man of God who helps us lead our Sunday Blended Family Fellowship at First Baptist Raytown in Raytown MO recently commented about how often times they are special or historic events in stepfamily life. Times when you see real breakthroughs or victories in relationships. We were then discussing Moses and Joshua and how they would 'mark' the occasion when they had a key memory for their people. Right away I thought...'Good Word Bob!' and knew I had to blog about this for all of us to take into our hearts.

In Old Testament times, the people of Israel, upon a victory in a battle, or a special event would build of stone a memorial or marker, sometimes referred to as a stele. They placed together stones, or created an altar where they sacrificed an animal as part of a ritual of giving thanks. This was done in remembering what GOD HAD DONE in the lives of His people. They knew He had brought them through the trial.

They did so for the purpose of 'marking' the moment or time. So years or decades later, the 'history' could be marked that indeed the Lord had been good and brought them through a challenge or delivered His grace and power and might for just the right occasion.

Examples were when being chased by the Pharoah and the Egyptians, God led Moses to stand and raise his hands and staff and how God made the Red Sea part and allow His people to walk across, later crushing with water the Egyptians as they followed. Also, after Joshua led the people into the chosen land they marked with stones the twelve tribes. These stories can be found in scripture.


As we have seen in our family, often times God will allow a significant event, victory, challenge or dynamic to be overcome in our family. We all have them. It could be a relationship or trust breakthrough. A truthful sharing of a hurt or wound or hidden thought that a child shares with you and you grow closer. It could be a family story that you will all remember as significant in the bonding of your family. Maybe a family vacation that bonded the stepfamily closer to God and each other. Maybe a moment in a relationship with God for a family member.

We suggest creating some form of 'marker' or 'memory' of that particular victory or season you passed through by the grace of God. Perhaps something you hand make. Maybe pick up a rock of some size and write something on it, a date, a memory, whatever and keep it somewhere like a garden or pathway or somewhere it can be seen occasionally. Maybe it's a scripture plaque or small statue from a bookstore where you could write on the bottom the date and 'special victory'.

We have many of these types of 'markers' around our home. Often, we even forget what's on the back of a picture hanging on the wall, or a small figurine or statue. Then by chance when we come across it and read the date and note, we truly feel the power of God and how he brought us out of our deserts and into His promises.

The point is...celebrate and give thanks to God when you see your family make it through a particular tough challenge.

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