Each `human heart` (person) in a blended family will have, from time to time, a person in their new family with whom they will be upset, hurt by, even angry for some reason, whether justified or often not.It is often common when a child in new blended family thinks of a non-biological parent (step-parent) as `hating them`, or `being unfair` or even using those famous words 'you`re not my Mom/Dad!'.
It also could be a situation where one `ex` works to undermine a relationship with a bio child, or `reaches into` the new blended families home with comments about the home, the new marriage, or most serious of all, manipulating the minds of a child about your new spouse or family situation.
Could also be a `child` lashing out in a disrespectful moment, an `ex` trying to steal a special time with a child, or the new spouse rising up in anger in front of the children... are all moments where trouble may brew situations arise are all sadly common and damage the new family.
Clearly we all experience these in blended families. Commonly our human weakness is to blame, point the finger at someone, speak ill of them, throw up our hands and say `I quit`, or even saying things that can`t be taken back...all common or natural human reactions.
If this is you as an adult or child...don`t beat yourself up... you have about 120 million fellow Americans in the same situation and slipping up the same as you. :-) A Pastor / Author / Conference Speaker close friend and colleague, Dr. Dan Erickson http://www.greateryes.com
once shared with us one of the most powerful comments as to these situations.
Powerful words. Think on this. If we could view the situation, or the `human heart`, as Christ does as He looks down upon us from Heaven...might we pause...feel sorry and hurt for the person acting out or spewing hurtful words?
Might our new 'Christ-like' perspective cause us to act, speak and behave differently? If we could see these situations as God does, those hurtful words, comments or actions might be viewed as stemming from some wound deep in the heart.
Pray and ask God to give us 'new eyes that see' and `new ears that hear` the real situation inside the heart of the other...and not just their outward behavior. Blended families face challenges often because of mis-interpretation of a look or a word.
God knows the truth. We believe families can grow to be `bonded` if they `look up` and `trust` in a God who can handle all situations, overcome common barriers, climb most of the mountains and slay all the giants.
It is not easy always, but only through God can a step-family go from `broken to blended to Bonded`.
At The Bonded Family http://www.thebondedfamily.com/ we work with individuals and families and see hundreds of situations like this every year.
We always stop, pray, ponder and ask God to let us 'see with new eyes' to help the family work through the dynamic relationship world of blended families.