Blended Families ... Embracing the Word YET!

A POWER BONDING WORD
for your Blended Family.

Our daughter Amanda started high school this year.  Something TREMENDOUS happened as we attended 'Meet the Teacher' Night.  Rebecca and I joyfully discovered every one of her teachers absolutely loves their job.  You could see it in their face, their speech, their plans, their hopes for our daughter...they LOVED their jobs.  You can tell alot about an educator when they love their job.  They'll find the way to inspire our children to learn and grow and prosper in life...not just get through the daily work.  We see WINNERS at Ray-Pec high school.  From the Bus Driver to the Band Teacher... all posessed the great attitudes that make learning fun and lasting!

So here is our SHOUT OUT and APPLAUSE for Raymore-Peculiar High School and the teachers we met.   Great Work and Thank You!

As we walked into the Advanced Geometry classroom, we enjoyed hearing an upbeat 'we are discovering learning together' message from Mrs. Gina Prowell.  My often ADD giant right brain bounced around the room (my friends are smiling and thinking "Squirrel!" from the movie UP! right now) scanned the setting and saw multiple locations of signage with the word "YET!".   Simply the word 'YET!' on a wall, a filing cabinet, above the chalkboard (oops, I guess it's 'whiteboard' now days), right near her desk and other places.

So when it was time for the famous 'are their any questions', your daydreaming friend Dan asked 'What do all those YET!'s mean?'  You should have seen the looks on the other parents.  WHAT is this dummy talking about??? Of course our daughter smiled and knew Dad had been scanning the room.

Mrs. Prowell seemed to like the question and here's where the POWER WORD was described by her.  When a student stumbles with an answer or a problem or comes to her and says 'I don't get this', she is sure to smile at them and get them to add to the end of the phrase the 'power word' YET!

As always...you may now be thinking...
'Dan, how's this relate to stepfamilies?'

OK...I'll share that. 
I'm confident by now you know where you can lead your marriage and family.  Add YET! to these very common quotes and SEE THE DIFFERENCE:


He doesn't love my children like he loves his own......YET!
My 'ex' is not honoring the parenting plan...YET!
My stepdaughter doesn't want to have anything to do with me....YET!
We're lost in this stepfamily life, we don't know how to navigate...YET!
My adult children aren't accepting my spouse in their life.....YET!
We don't seem to agree at all over discipline for the children...YET!
I just can't handle this hectic schedule with two families ...YET!
My parents are accepting my new wife as a part of the family...YET
Our finances are hurting so bad and we don't have the answer...YET!
Our two teenagers are accepting and bonding together...YET!
We don't know where to turn for answers...YET! 

The list of phrases could go on.  So YOU FILL IN YOUR QUESTION and simply add YET! to your challenge.  Like Geometry teacher Gina Prowell, stay positive, believe you can overcome doubt, fear and discouragement.  At TBF we challenge you to make sure you are a YET! family!  Smile at your spouse and remind them.  When you children complain or discuss what's 'not working' teach them this powerful 'keeper for life' word and attitude.

Scripture has some ENCOURAGEMENT in this area.
Romans Chapter 5 very early on reminds us...

'...by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.'

Blended Family Life, especially working towards being a BONDED FAMILY does take perseverance and hope.   YES YOU CAN get through all things.  Say YET! and keep asking God for the strength you need to find victory.

For your WEEKLY BLENDED FAMILY COACHING AND TIPS... check out our BONDCAST and Weekly Tips available to you.  We'll take you through some YET! questions each week.

Follow us for Daily Tips on TWITTER.

Friend us on FACEBOOK.
Dan Snell

Feel Free to Copy and Paste this YET! below and put it on your REFRIGERATOR.
REFRIGERATOR ART for the blended family ages.

 

Blog @Copyright The Bonded Family 2011

BLACK CATS and BLENDED FAMILIES

BLACK CATS and BLENDED FAMILIES.
Neither Myth is True...So Live Victoriously!

We are a blended family. 
We own a black cat also. 

Our culture has developed the attitude that blended families don't work... and somehow think that black cats are unlucky. Both these premises are man created MYTHS.  
God didn't create black cats, nor stepfamilies, to be bad, evil or full of potential woesome results. Man's imagination + "stinkin' thinkin'" did.

This morning our 17 year old black cat Crash (would take a whole blog to explain why that name) was walking back and forth in front of our youngest daughter Amanda. She laughed and said 'Wow, Crash has walked back and forth in front of me 5 times so I'll have 35 years bad luck'.  We all laughed.  Crashed looked at us - he holds a very communicative personality - and barked 'meow'.  Crash does seem to bark when he knows he's being talked about.  I was one of those 'don't like cats' guys until this feline was adopted away from homelessness. Crash is my buddy.  I admit it.  Cat-lovers cheer here.

So what does the black cat myth and blended families have in common?  Cats are very consistent in their behavior.  Depending on their 'personality' that can appear to be 'aloof', or maybe 'playful', 'standoff-ish' or sometimes 'mean-spirited'.  Cats actually can be very loyal buddies if you treat them right and 'invest' a little time bonding with them.   

Often personalities and relationship dynamics within blended families can be the same.  Each child is unique, somewhat different in their own special way. Thus relationships should be developed and nurtured differently.  Some will come quicker, some may take years.  Perseverance is a foundational word you hear a lot from our team at The Bonded Family.  Perseverance comes from trusting God. Seeing what happens when you 'let go and let God'. Remember this saying when you feel exasperated or there is no hope.  "God's not done".

It's also a real 'myth' that stepparents and stepchildren can't get along. Just like spending time with a kitten will help one 'bond' with the cat, we recommend that you 'invest time' to discover what talents and treasure each child holds. What are their dreams, hopes and wishes?  Don't simply buy into the negative stepfamily myths.  The more you understand your unique or complex family situation - and that is one of the goals at The Bonded Family - the more success you will have. Understanding behavior is key.  It's why people share with us after our conferences "I wish we knew THEN what we've learned from you NOW".

Putting a stake in the ground and committing your marriage and family into God's hands is the absolute success criteria foundation.  Without it...you are built on sandy soil.  Some will 'turn away' right now reading this saying 'Oh that God stuff', yet the fact are the facts, the true stats are there.  Write us and ask about them.  info@thebondedfamily.com


Our children hear often that rock solid advice for VICTORY in life...

"ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING"

Scripture also holds a verse that speaks to VICTORIOUS LIVING. 
PROVERBS 15:15 shares...

'All the days of the afflicted are bad,
But a cheerful heart has a continual feast.'

Work on your heart.  Discipline your mind.  See the good in all people.  Look for the good in all situations.  Discover the good where you can't see it at first.  Guard against feeling 'afflicted' or you 'days will be bad'.   INSTEAD... say to yourself and ask God to strengthen you and give you a CHEERFUL HEART so that your days and life - and your blended family - will feel as a 'CONTINUAL FEAST'

Sometimes that takes coaching.  We can help. 
Visit our BLENDED FAMILY COACHING page.

Follow us on TWITTER.   Daily Tips to Encourage.

Friend us on FACEBOOK.   Stay up-to-date on what we're doing.

Keep Your Blended Family Antenna Up!

PICTURE THIS!...

Your Blended Family
Rabbit Ears
Picking Up Stepfamily
Signals Around You.

Recently I was with my good friend Dr. Randy Shepard at a coffee place called GUSTO! in Lee's Summit.  We were discussing technology and college funding, two of his many areas of expertise.  In the shop was David Davies, another great friend of our ministry and a 'Bonafide Encourager' in every sense of the word.  He was across the room 'encouraging' (of course) a young man in some way.   I approached to say hello. 

After meeting his friend, the young man shared 'I've heard you speak. You shared at our early morning breakfast meeting last year' and then he, unbeknowst to him, inspired me.  He said 'You know, since you shared about the number of people facing struggles in stepfamilies in America, all of a sudden I now have my antenna up, and have found many people around me, that I pointed to your ministry'.

This is indeed what we are seeing as we put forth our message of encouragement, hope, practical tips and inspiration.  The more people know about the 'under the radar' demographic, the more they are 'willing to reach out'.  That is powerful. 

So here is our 'REACH OUT CHALLENGE' to YOU.
Picture walking around with these 'rabbit ears' on your head.

BLENDED FAMILY

RABBIT EARS ANTENNA

For generations rabbit ear antenna has been used to 'tune in' to a TV or radio signal.  I propose that you be a 'difference maker' in somebodies life.  Begin today to start 'tuning in' to the potential stepfamily frequency signal.  You may find signals and families all around you. See with over 23+ stepfamily there is absolutely the statistical probability that within your family, workplace, church or circle of friends that you know multiple cases of blended families.  Perhaps you'll notice a larger family that may not all resemble one another.  some match Dad, some more to Mom.  Or you may be witness to a conversation that is talking about a stepdad or stepmom.  Maybe even see or experience a drop off or exchange of children.  With your 'antenna up', you now are able to be a positive force in their life if you witness any challenges.  Yuo can say 'did you know there are organizations out there that can help?' Often times you may not know they may be struggling because they are having unique to their family stepfamily dynamic issues and don't want people to know.  YOU can now be a helper and a HERO!

YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!  
Send them to check out our resources at THE BONDED FAMILY.

For weekly LIVE VIDEO QUESTION AND ANSWER and VIDEO TIPS, sign up at:
 BLENDED FAMILY COACHING.

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ANY AMOUNT is an ENCOURAGEMENT.

Blended Families, Rough Water and a Guide

 Blended Families... Can Face Rapids and Rough Waters

Listen to the 'GUIDE' as to how to maneuver the rocks.

We've had some tremendous vacations as a Family.  We wrote recently of 'vacating' and it's 'bonding power', because you are 'away, alone and accepting'.  I can't stress the power of 'vacation' as a means to discovering each other and finding blessings and bonds in that time.

One 'Christmas vacation' was a small cabin, at a closed for the winter YMCA camp, just us, that left us with some great memories of 'owning' the Grand Lodge Hall, which we used to produce fun that was captured in video and will echo for decades. 

A 'Tradition' of stopping at Metropolis, IL and getting a picture with Superman lives on even today.  Great joy in youth, 'oh Dad' in teen years.

                    Our memory of visiting Washington DC for the 4th of July fireworks.  Remembering checking in through super tight post 9/11 security, sitting three hours in the intermittent rain on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.  Then to see the skies clear, and the DC Mall ablaze in a patriotic spectacular.  Voted all time best fireworks display by the family. 

'WHITEWATER' COLORADO

WHITEWATER RIVER RAFTING was voted the 'all time, all timer' great family vacation time.  So by now you want to know what that has to do with YOU, and not just our family times??

In stepfamily dynamics you can be assured that there will be some 'rough waters', some turbulence, some 'hold on to your seat' places. Often just simply due to the  'unknown' of what sometimes lies ahead on your family journey.  Stepfamilies often feel like the 'waters are moving fast', that they are 'swept under', that the 'rocks' are seemingly going to 'sink their ship' or the 'marriage or stepfamily raft of life'.   Of this you can be assured.  Those rocks will be ahead.  The waters will swirl and splash.  The whitewater may try to 'throw you off the boat'.  In fact there are usually forces at work 'hoping' you'll be crushed, toppled or even die as a family unit.  Sometime former relationships and wounds will 'reach in' to your family.  Foremost remember that satan is real.  He wants marriages, children, families...all life to be miserable. It's a fact.

God gave YOU and I a message of ENCOURAGEMENT AND HOPE 'for such a time as this'.  In our weak moments, our 'I can't do this' moments, our 'I am going down' moments... read this, repeat this promise of God.  Yes...it is GOD'S PROMISE, not mine, Dr. Phil's, Oprah's or anyone elses...it's God personal commitment and PROMISE to YOU!

Isaiah 43 : 2 shares in Scripture (NIV):

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
   I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
   they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
   you will not be burned;
   the flames will not set you ablaze.

The MESSAGE, another Bible version shares it this way...

"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you, I've called your name. You're mine.
When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.
   When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you're between a rock and a hard place,
   it won't be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God..."

You see, God offers to be your GUIDE in life.  He knows best how to 'steer' through the rough waters, the rocks and the challenges.  In the picture above our 'GUIDE' is the only person visible.  Our family is 'below the water' so to speak, yet the 'guide' knows exactly how to lead us out of the rough waters.  I put my family's 'trust' in her hands.  People in general seem to only turn to God, to put their trust in Him, during times of catastrophe, serious illness or near death situation.  At The Bonded Family, we suggest turning to Him every day.  Giving thanks when the water is smooth and from where He's taken us already, asking Him to be with us in the journey ahead.  Not just in a crisis.   THE MESSAGE OF THIS BLOG.... LET GOD BE YOUR GUIDE IN YOUR BLENDED FAMILY.  Our research, data, experiences with thousands and success statistics prove it true.  If you think you know a 'smarter' way... perhaps you should check out this page on our website.  http://www.thebondedfamily.com/lifeinstructionmanual

Be sure and visit our website, THE BONDED FAMILY for events, resources and our new WEEKLY VIDEO BONDCAST COACHING.  Best resource for blended families available today for weekly LIVE Question and Answer sessions and topical discussions.  Plus get video mail with TIP OF THE WEEK.
Find more about BLENDED FAMILY COACHING

Join over 12,000 fellow stepfamily 'TWITTER FOLLOWERS'
by following @BlendedFamilies

Or join us on FACEBOOK

And remember to Keep Looking UP!

 

Copyright, The Bonded Family 2011

College Funding Questions Arising?

COLLEGE FUNDING PODCAST Shares Super Tips!
BLENDED FAMILIES have unique options!

Listen to this FREE and VALUABLE PODCAST.

DR RANDY SHEPARD offers valuable insight, tips and suggestions, for parents, especially stepfamilies.  There are 'additional options' for blended families, because you have two households to review and draw ideas from that might extend tax savings and open up financial eligibility.




DR RANDY SHEPARD'S BLOG WEBSITE ALSO HOLDS VALUABLE INSIGHT.
http://savemoneyoncollege.blogspot.com

At The Bonded Family, we seek to help families in many areas.  
College funding being one of them.
Whatever age you child is, Fr. Soph, Jr, Sr or in college now...college funding questions could be on the horizon and Dr. Shepard can assist you.

BLENDED FAMILY ALERT! "VACATING" = a Key to BONDING plus "Q20 is the BONDING MACHINE"

"VACATING" Stepfamilies will Bond Better

Plus...Buy Q20 Here for your 'Vacating'

We can't encourage you too much to intentionally and with special planning create your new blended family vacation times.  They are giant opportunities to 'get away' and 'bond'.  No external pulls, ties, conflicts, other home influences, etc.  It is one on one time as a group.  It works! Plan it!  Do it!  We did a radio program on 'VACATING' on our radio program BLENDED FAMILY TODAY.  Enjoy AFR DJ and Comedian J.J. Jasper on that one too.  Visit the VACATING and Family Fun broadcast by clicking here.

So many of you would agree that Estes Park Colorado is an incredible place to enjoy as a family.  That was our first vacation as a blended family and it started the great tradition of road games.  We did the contest of spotting various states license plates, who could spot the first water tower, first church steeple, first McDonalds (then we had to stop for a malt) or doing the alphabet via letters on licenses or other games.
 

One of our favorite games was 'The Whine Counter Game'.  Mom / "Rebecky" would keep a list of who moaned or complained or whined the most.  Everyone would of course 'assist' her in pointing out a brother or sisters moan about something.  The 'top whiner' would have to do the dishes or other chores at the mountain cabin.  Funny how the whining dropped off the day we played that game.   Anyway, as you plan and enjoy your family 'vacating', be sure and find some great games to play while driving and create some 'bonding' memories.  Our kids remember and actually seemed to LIKE the LONG TRIPS.  God is good.

One year we bought some mini-electronic games for the road.  The BEST ONE and the ALL-TIME, ALL-TIMER FUN BONDING MACHINE is the 20 Questions little round device called the Q20.  It is amazing.  You think of 'something', it's asks you  20 questions...and then 'get's it right!'  You have to have one.  So that's all I got to say.  Spend $15 and get a MILLION dollars worth of family joy.   "VACATING" with Q20 is a bonder.  Buy your Q20 below.

REMEMBER... to grow a BOND in your Blended Family...be sure to enjoy 'VACATING' together!

Visit THE BONDED FAMILY website at: http://www.thebondedfamily.com

Join us on FACEBOOK at:  http://www.facebook.com/blendedfamilies

or on TWITTER at:  http://www.twitter.com/blendedfamilies

God is Sad for a Blended Family when...

'God is Sad When...'
When We Act Broken In Our Ways...
A "NO Stinkin' Thinkin'" Blended Family Thought

In our regular weekly Blended Family Fellowship on Sunday mornings here in Kansas City we have some tremendous and very cool people.  Rebecca and I often say 'we get more back and learn more from others when we teach than we give'.

Ron and Laurie Grant

Ron and Laurie Grant are an awesome couple.  Truly a blended family couple that walks and lives out the Bible verse Romans 8:37 'we are overcomers / we are more than conquerors with Christ' (paraphrasing).

They have great joy and love.  Also, like most, they have faced trials.  They are shining examples of trusting God, perseverance and knowing that 'God is not done' in any situation.  A couple to be emulated.

Recently as we were talking about behavior and situations that arise in stepfamily dynamics Laurie said 'You know I bet God is sad when that happens.'   I thought to myself... 'Self...that is profound and people should think about that in their blended family interactions...or for that matter...anywhere'.  I asked them for permission to borrow and 'expound' upon their wisdom with what came to my heart when she said that.

God is the almighty powerful force in the universe.  The Bible shares where He has got mad, brought about consequences, plagues, storms, fire, wind, you name it.  Jesus even got mad at His disciples when they fell asleep in the garden after he asked them to pray.  Or when Jesus overturned the tables in the temple.  We've read of God's upset.  But we often don't think, and we should, 'does God get sad?'.   'Do we hurt our loving Heavenly Father?'  I think the answer is YES.

I don't want to enter into a 'theological' debate over this.  I'm not a Pastor, nor theologian.  I did seek scripture on this and welcome anyone else's thoughts.  But for those who want to point out my contextual errors... I also share wryly a quote from my friend and a wonderful man of God, Zig Ziglar, "Some people find fault like there's a reward for it."  Keep that one tucked away in your heart for future reference in your life.

Certainly as a Father, we can imagine the sadness God felt when His Son Jesus was tortured, mocked and crucified. Think on that sadness for a minute. Jesus was sad when Lazarus was dead.  The shortest verse in the Bible? John 11:35  "Jesus wept".

I am pretty sure that "God is sad when He sees...."

- a smart person like you make poor choices when knowing better
- our hurt and pain and tears over relationship struggles
- a divorce and the ripples it causes through people's lives
- children's lives impacted by parents who bicker over custody
- a husband or a wife unleash a sharp tongue to their spouse
- a misunderstood stepfamily member not fully grasping how to cope
- the hurt and pain that children feel when they miss a parent
- He sees the hurt and pain a parent feels when they miss their children
- the light in a child's eyes dim when they're blasted by a stepparent
- ache in a stepparent heart when a child shouts 'You're not my Dad!'
- a 'christian' treating a divorcee or single parent with disdain
- a couple turning away from Him for marriage solutions
- all the "Stinkin' Thinkin'" that goes on in selfish hearts
- observes me -  maybe you too - and sees my bad spirit about things

See God sees all.   He knows your joys and your sorrows.  Loves you the same when you are good or slipping in your walk with Him.

Ephesians 4: 29-32 shares it so well for blended family relationships:

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. ³¹ Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."   

God does 'grieve' when we treat one another wrongly.  He forgave us.  We are His children He wants us to model ourselves after His ways.

Rebecca and I have always shared with our six children "Do what's right...even when no one is looking."  If we coach, mentor and teach our children honor, truth and unconditional love, whatever their biological role, we are serving them in their life.  If we show grace and mercy and 'The Golden Rule' in tough situations (former spouses, treating children fairly, etc), even when it's hard, then our children and future generations of their children will be blessed.

There are a lot of cool things going on at The Bonded Family. Visit our website to see.  http://www.thebondedfamily.com 
* Zig Ziglar's Daughter Julie Ziglar to speak at TBF Luncheon May 20th
* Weekly Coaching Program that pays for future conference investment

And you can join us - you don't have to attend our church - every Sunday and "Meet Ron and Laurie" in person.  You'll love them as we all do.  For info about the Sunday Fellowship our blended family resources, write: dan@thebondedfamily.com 


Keep Looking UP!