Blended Family Today

SUPER BOWL SUNDAY! Blended Families CAN WIN!

2012-02-01T11:59:00.076-06:00

SUPER SUNDAY!
Giants - Patriots?
Be Enthusiastic That...
The Clock is Still Running...
On Your Blended Family
BIGGEST VICTORIES!

Sometimes in the dynamics of stepfamily life, we often feel like an 'underdog' role in our families. Parents or children are often in an 'arena of life' that presents itself with bumps and challenges. We wish there were referee's sometimes. Somebody to 'blow the whistle' or 'throw a penalty flag'. This blog entry is about how to find our way to victory..... in the Super Bowl of life. Even if you feel ONE YARD SHORT...remember... GOD'S NOT DONE! CLOCK IS STILL TICKING.

Speaking of Super Bowl participants, I want to share a fantastic book and it's relationship to step-family life. In the last few years it has been my privilege and honor to get to know Coach Les Steckel, who is the President / CEO of FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes). In 2006 he authored his autobiography entitled 'ONE YARD SHORT, Turning Your Defeats into Victories'. It is a 'must read book' for blended family parents. The title is derived from the final play of the 2000 Super Bowl between the St. Louis Rams and Steckel’s Titans, a play that has been called the most exciting play in Super Bowl history. (I remember our family - half cheering the Rams, half cheering the Titans - as our blended family of eight watched that incredible sports moment.)

Steckel’s book chronicles his life journey and his compelling stories and testimony makes it tough to put down once you start. I am in the middle of reading the book currently. It is a 'MEGA-ENCOURAGEMENT BLESSING' book that offers us yet another testimony to trusting in God and His incredible Hand. Anyone in a blended family, adult or teen should read this book. It isn't just a sports book, a guy book, it's a life book. Moms, Grandmas and Daughters will love it also.

HOW DOES "ONE YARD SHORT" RELATE TO BLENDED FAMILY LIFE? Often in the dynamics of stepfamily life one feels like you are often behind, things look tough, it is 'fourth down', that you want to 'punt' and hope seems lost. That's when we really do need to 'put on our headset and call upstairs to get the next play to call'. What I mean by that is to 'look to God for your next move, how to handle a child or marriage scenario'. He will answer. He may not always give us the 'play' we want to call, but the PLAYBOOK (BIBLE) we are called to draw from does not offer mistaken advice. Check out the playbook of life (the Bible).

Find a Bible that holds in the back a "Concordance" or 'topics list'. There you can find answers to blended family common questions in areas like... patience, perseverance, hope, forgiveness, self-discipline, encouragement and most of all the promise you can trust of 'peace that surpasses all understanding.'

YES YOU CAN be a Super Bowl Champion-like Blended Family if you let our Lord God Almighty lead you in calling the signals in your family. Check out your playbook (Bible) today.

For more information on Coach Les Steckel and FCA, go to:
http://www.fca.org/AboutFCA/ExecutiveTeam.lsp

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Blended Family Duct Tape Rule 2012

2012-01-20T14:16:00.002-06:00

Facing a Stepfamily 'Harsh Word' Moment?

Think TBF 'DUCT TAPE RULE' Now

If you are a member of a stepfamily you know the moment. Something has wounded you. Somebody as done or said something inconsiderate, probably hurtful and often done in a flash moment that one wishes they could 'take back'.

So let's together all go buy a roll of 'DUCT TAPE'. Keep it handy as a image to improve we'll explain below. So we can implement - both for fun and serious improvement for our families - the "DUCT TAPE RULE". The uses of duct tape have been chronicled, joked about, tested on TV and basically touted as the 'official fixer' of anything. Well, perhaps we can add yet another line to duct tape legend. Heard any words like these?

"Your children are not disciplined!"

"I quit. I can't handle this marriage this way."

"You favor your kids over mine."

"Your not my Dad!"
"This stepfamily stuff stinks!"

Whether age5 or 95, we've heard of sharp tongue moment stories and outbursts like above and more. Have any of these ever maybe been you? If so, you're not alone. Over 23+ million stepfamily households in the USA. So, given the normal human beings we are... probably about 5 million people today said something that should have fallen under the 'DUCT TAPE RULE'.

The BLENDED FAMILY DUCT TAPE RULE.

<> <>

STEPFAMILY Sharped
Tongue Member

I can laugh and say that if I were to recognize all my former slip ups I might look like the DUCT TAPE GUY on the right.

Scripture shares it so well in James 3:5 describing the power of our spoken word (tongue)... 'the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.'
American's spend way too little time listening, sharing or communicating with our children. Then At The Bonded Family we suggest at least 7 minutes a day. It goes fast! Make sure your sitting or standing or kneeling (if they are youngsters) and together you are at their eye level. Eyeball to eyeball...NOT giant parent to little kid downward communication arrangement. You'll grow closer at eye level.

Let there be no mistake...our tongue can spark a hurt, a fight or a longstanding squabble. The more we work to have self-control, the better our family will be. And in stepfamily dynamics, it IS IMPORTANT to take EXTRA CARE of your tongue and emotions. Every moment or situation, despite seeming big at that instant is not always... 'a hill to take the last dying stand for'.

It truly can be very hard to be still 'in the moment', yet as a potential 'TBF Family Huddle' discussion item, talk about how words can wound. How things we say in a moment of hurt impact others. Discuss the Golden Rule when it comes to communicating with one another in our family words. Also even how our looks at each other. Ask kids to describe 'Mom or Dad' 'I am not happy look'. That'll bring some laughs. If your family is a 'word picture', 'symbolic' or 'example' type family, pull out a roll or two of DUCT TAPE and say 'Let's try the 'BLENDED FAMILY DUCT TAPE RULE' from here on out. "Who is willing to start watching their words better?"

Get your new family to agree that if you are about to say something...or maybe just said something harsh...go grab the duct tape roll in a way to express that you 'understand' what you said was hurtful and you wish you had duct tape ever your mouth that moment. (**IMPORTANT for 'literal' readers we are NOT recommending duct taping anyones mouth...it's a WORD PICTURE. Smiling for you.)

Often times, the recognize a situation can teach and coach maturity in relationships for our children. After all, we are to 'raise them up in the way they should go.' Mentoring and Coaching our children to 'hold their tongue' when about to be harsh will SERVE THEIR FUTURES WELL.

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Check out our upcoming B3 Conferences. We're helping 'bond' marriages and families from California to Florida and in between over the next few months.

TRY THIS! PRINT OFF ANY OF THE ABOVE DUCT TAPE PICTURES. PUT IT ON YOUR REFRIGERATOR OR BULLETIN BOARD AS A FUN REMINDER TO YOUR BLENDED FAMILY....LET'S BOND AND USE KIND WORDS.

BLENDED FAMILY TODAY - Free Podcasts

2011-12-30T12:56:00.000-06:00

Stepfamily Radio on your iPad, iPhone, Android or PCGet Smart Blended Families on Smart Phones.

http://blendedfamilies.podomatic.com

Sometimes we forget to share all of the stepfamily encouraging resources we offer.

This is a quick reminder that you can get FREE PODCASTS on your iPhone, iPad, iPod, Android, Galaxy or other smart device. Listen, Laugh, Learn. You always will come away with at least one "Yes, that's me" or a "Good idea!" or a "God is Good!" or some other heartfelt thought.

Click on the images now to go to your free stepfamily resource.

Or FREE PODCASTS, CLICK HERE

Please share this blog.

Blended Family Today was started in 2009 and was the 'first of it's kind' radio program on traditional radio, based in Kansas City, yet broadcast globally that was directed 100% to stepfamily dynamics.

Dan and Rebecca interview nationally recognized figures such as:

Pat Williams, Sr. VP of the Orlando Magic & Author of over 70 books
Zig Ziglar Family (Tom Ziglar, Julie Ziglar Norman & husband Jim)
J.J. Jasper, AFR Radio's DJ / nationally recognized Comedian
Dr. Dan Erickson, Author of 'God Loves Do-Overs'
Dr. Ken Canfield, Author, Speaker, 2006 KS Gubernatorial Candidate
Jill Brooke, former CNN on-air personality / noted author & blogger
Robert Sherwood, fmr Silicon Valley exec & Entrepreneur of the Year
Dr. Randy Shepard, College Funding Expert
Al and Kay Betz, Founders of OUTFLUENCE
Carey Casey, CEO of the National Center for Fathering
Dr. Bob Reccord, Pastor, Author and nationally recognized speaker
Patricia Plum, Forgiveness Expert
Bill Nicks (aka James Naismith, Pres. Dwight Eisenhower & more)
Henri Boucard, Career Planning Expert
++ many more you'll enjoy, & learn from for your marriage & family

Also...enjoy DAILY TIPS via TWITTER direct to your cell phone or digital device.
Click on the iPod image below to FOLLOW US and get DAILY TIPS.

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http://blendedfamilies.podomatic.com

Blended Families ... Embracing the Word YET!

2011-08-30T20:13:00.000-05:00

A POWER BONDING WORD
for your Blended Family.

Our daughter Amanda started high school this year. Something TREMENDOUS happened as we attended 'Meet the Teacher' Night. Rebecca and I joyfully discovered every one of her teachers absolutely loves their job. You could see it in their face, their speech, their plans, their hopes for our daughter...they LOVED their jobs. You can tell alot about an educator when they love their job. They'll find the way to inspire our children to learn and grow and prosper in life...not just get through the daily work. We see WINNERS at Ray-Pec high school. From the Bus Driver to the Band Teacher... all posessed the great attitudes that make learning fun and lasting!

So here is our SHOUT OUT and APPLAUSE for Raymore-Peculiar High School and the teachers we met. Great Work and Thank You!

As we walked into the Advanced Geometry classroom, we enjoyed hearing an upbeat 'we are discovering learning together' message from Mrs. Gina Prowell. My often ADD giant right brain bounced around the room (my friends are smiling and thinking "Squirrel!" from the movie UP! right now) scanned the setting and saw multiple locations of signage with the word "YET!". Simply the word 'YET!' on a wall, a filing cabinet, above the chalkboard (oops, I guess it's 'whiteboard' now days), right near her desk and other places.

So when it was time for the famous 'are their any questions', your daydreaming friend Dan asked 'What do all those YET!'s mean?' You should have seen the looks on the other parents. WHAT is this dummy talking about??? Of course our daughter smiled and knew Dad had been scanning the room.

Mrs. Prowell seemed to like the question and here's where the POWER WORD was described by her. When a student stumbles with an answer or a problem or comes to her and says 'I don't get this', she is sure to smile at them and get them to add to the end of the phrase the 'power word' YET!

As always...you may now be thinking...
'Dan, how's this relate to stepfamilies?'

OK...I'll share that.
I'm confident by now you know where you can lead your marriage and family. Add YET! to these very common quotes and SEE THE DIFFERENCE:

He doesn't love my children like he loves his own......YET!
My 'ex' is not honoring the parenting plan...YET!
My stepdaughter doesn't want to have anything to do with me....YET!
We're lost in this stepfamily life, we don't know how to navigate...YET!
My adult children aren't accepting my spouse in their life.....YET!
We don't seem to agree at all over discipline for the children...YET!
I just can't handle this hectic schedule with two families ...YET!
My parents are accepting my new wife as a part of the family...YET
Our finances are hurting so bad and we don't have the answer...YET!
Our two teenagers are accepting and bonding together...YET!
We don't know where to turn for answers...YET!

The list of phrases could go on. So YOU FILL IN YOUR QUESTION and simply add YET! to your challenge. Like Geometry teacher Gina Prowell, stay positive, believe you can overcome doubt, fear and discouragement. At TBF we challenge you to make sure you are a YET! family! Smile at your spouse and remind them. When you children complain or discuss what's 'not working' teach them this powerful 'keeper for life' word and attitude.

Scripture has some ENCOURAGEMENT in this area.
Romans Chapter 5 very early on reminds us...

'...by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.'

Blended Family Life, especially working towards being a BONDED FAMILY does take perseverance and hope. YES YOU CAN get through all things. Say YET! and keep asking God for the strength you need to find victory.

For your WEEKLY BLENDED FAMILY COACHING AND TIPS... check out our BONDCAST and Weekly Tips available to you. We'll take you through some YET! questions each week.

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Dan Snell

Feel Free to Copy and Paste this YET! below and put it on your REFRIGERATOR.
REFRIGERATOR ART for the blended family ages.

Blog @Copyright The Bonded Family 2011

BLACK CATS and BLENDED FAMILIES

2011-07-30T12:56:00.001-05:00

BLACK CATS and BLENDED FAMILIES.
Neither Myth is True...So Live Victoriously!

We are a blended family.
We own a black cat also.

Our culture has developed the attitude that blended families don't work... and somehow think that black cats are unlucky. Both these premises are man created MYTHS.
God didn't create black cats, nor stepfamilies, to be bad, evil or full of potential woesome results. Man's imagination + "stinkin' thinkin'" did.

This morning our 17 year old black cat Crash (would take a whole blog to explain why that name) was walking back and forth in front of our youngest daughter Amanda. She laughed and said 'Wow, Crash has walked back and forth in front of me 5 times so I'll have 35 years bad luck'. We all laughed. Crashed looked at us - he holds a very communicative personality - and barked 'meow'. Crash does seem to bark when he knows he's being talked about. I was one of those 'don't like cats' guys until this feline was adopted away from homelessness. Crash is my buddy. I admit it. Cat-lovers cheer here.

So what does the black cat myth and blended families have in common? Cats are very consistent in their behavior. Depending on their 'personality' that can appear to be 'aloof', or maybe 'playful', 'standoff-ish' or sometimes 'mean-spirited'. Cats actually can be very loyal buddies if you treat them right and 'invest' a little time bonding with them.

Often personalities and relationship dynamics within blended families can be the same. Each child is unique, somewhat different in their own special way. Thus relationships should be developed and nurtured differently. Some will come quicker, some may take years. Perseverance is a foundational word you hear a lot from our team at The Bonded Family. Perseverance comes from trusting God. Seeing what happens when you 'let go and let God'. Remember this saying when you feel exasperated or there is no hope. "God's not done".

It's also a real 'myth' that stepparents and stepchildren can't get along. Just like spending time with a kitten will help one 'bond' with the cat, we recommend that you 'invest time' to discover what talents and treasure each child holds. What are their dreams, hopes and wishes?  Don't simply buy into the negative stepfamily myths. The more you understand your unique or complex family situation - and that is one of the goals at The Bonded Family - the more success you will have. Understanding behavior is key. It's why people share with us after our conferences "I wish we knew THEN what we've learned from you NOW".

Putting a stake in the ground and committing your marriage and family into God's hands is the absolute success criteria foundation. Without it...you are built on sandy soil. Some will 'turn away' right now reading this saying 'Oh that God stuff', yet the fact are the facts, the true stats are there. Write us and ask about them. info@thebondedfamily.com

Our children hear often that rock solid advice for VICTORY in life...

"ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING"

Scripture also holds a verse that speaks to VICTORIOUS LIVING.
PROVERBS 15:15 shares...

'All the days of the afflicted are bad,
But a cheerful heart has a continual feast.'

Work on your heart. Discipline your mind. See the good in all people. Look for the good in all situations. Discover the good where you can't see it at first. Guard against feeling 'afflicted' or you 'days will be bad'.   INSTEAD... say to yourself and ask God to strengthen you and give you a CHEERFUL HEART so that your days and life - and your blended family - will feel as a 'CONTINUAL FEAST'

Sometimes that takes coaching. We can help.
Visit our BLENDED FAMILY COACHING page.

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Keep Your Blended Family Antenna Up!

2011-07-17T18:21:00.002-05:00

PICTURE THIS!...

Your Blended Family
Rabbit Ears
Picking Up Stepfamily
Signals Around You.

Recently I was with my good friend Dr. Randy Shepard at a coffee place called GUSTO! in Lee's Summit. We were discussing technology and college funding, two of his many areas of expertise. In the shop was David Davies, another great friend of our ministry and a 'Bonafide Encourager' in every sense of the word. He was across the room 'encouraging' (of course) a young man in some way. I approached to say hello.

After meeting his friend, the young man shared 'I've heard you speak. You shared at our early morning breakfast meeting last year' and then he, unbeknowst to him, inspired me. He said 'You know, since you shared about the number of people facing struggles in stepfamilies in America, all of a sudden I now have my antenna up, and have found many people around me, that I pointed to your ministry'.

This is indeed what we are seeing as we put forth our message of encouragement, hope, practical tips and inspiration. The more people know about the 'under the radar' demographic, the more they are 'willing to reach out'. That is powerful.

So here is our 'REACH OUT CHALLENGE' to YOU.
Picture walking around with these 'rabbit ears' on your head.

BLENDED FAMILY

RABBIT EARS ANTENNA

For generations rabbit ear antenna has been used to 'tune in' to a TV or radio signal. I propose that you be a 'difference maker' in somebodies life. Begin today to start 'tuning in' to the potential stepfamily frequency signal. You may find signals and families all around you. See with over 23+ stepfamily there is absolutely the statistical probability that within your family, workplace, church or circle of friends that you know multiple cases of blended families. Perhaps you'll notice a larger family that may not all resemble one another. some match Dad, some more to Mom. Or you may be witness to a conversation that is talking about a stepdad or stepmom. Maybe even see or experience a drop off or exchange of children. With your 'antenna up', you now are able to be a positive force in their life if you witness any challenges. Yuo can say 'did you know there are organizations out there that can help?' Often times you may not know they may be struggling because they are having unique to their family stepfamily dynamic issues and don't want people to know. YOU can now be a helper and a HERO!

YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!
Send them to check out our resources at THE BONDED FAMILY.

For weekly LIVE VIDEO QUESTION AND ANSWER and VIDEO TIPS, sign up at:
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Blended Families, Rough Water and a Guide

2011-07-08T09:10:00.000-05:00

Blended Families... Can Face Rapids and Rough Waters

Listen to the 'GUIDE' as to how to maneuver the rocks.

We've had some tremendous vacations as a Family. We wrote recently of 'vacating' and it's 'bonding power', because you are 'away, alone and accepting'. I can't stress the power of 'vacation' as a means to discovering each other and finding blessings and bonds in that time.

One 'Christmas vacation' was a small cabin, at a closed for the winter YMCA camp, just us, that left us with some great memories of 'owning' the Grand Lodge Hall, which we used to produce fun that was captured in video and will echo for decades.

A 'Tradition' of stopping at Metropolis, IL and getting a picture with Superman lives on even today. Great joy in youth, 'oh Dad' in teen years.

Our memory of visiting Washington DC for the 4th of July fireworks. Remembering checking in through super tight post 9/11 security, sitting three hours in the intermittent rain on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. Then to see the skies clear, and the DC Mall ablaze in a patriotic spectacular. Voted all time best fireworks display by the family.

'WHITEWATER' COLORADO

WHITEWATER RIVER RAFTING was voted the 'all time, all timer' great family vacation time. So by now you want to know what that has to do with YOU, and not just our family times??

In stepfamily dynamics you can be assured that there will be some 'rough waters', some turbulence, some 'hold on to your seat' places. Often just simply due to the 'unknown' of what sometimes lies ahead on your family journey. Stepfamilies often feel like the 'waters are moving fast', that they are 'swept under', that the 'rocks' are seemingly going to 'sink their ship' or the 'marriage or stepfamily raft of life'. Of this you can be assured. Those rocks will be ahead. The waters will swirl and splash. The whitewater may try to 'throw you off the boat'. In fact there are usually forces at work 'hoping' you'll be crushed, toppled or even die as a family unit. Sometime former relationships and wounds will 'reach in' to your family. Foremost remember that satan is real. He wants marriages, children, families...all life to be miserable. It's a fact.

God gave YOU and I a message of ENCOURAGEMENT AND HOPE 'for such a time as this'. In our weak moments, our 'I can't do this' moments, our 'I am going down' moments... read this, repeat this promise of God. Yes...it is GOD'S PROMISE, not mine, Dr. Phil's, Oprah's or anyone elses...it's God personal commitment and PROMISE to YOU!

Isaiah 43 : 2 shares in Scripture (NIV):

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
   I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
   they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
   you will not be burned;
   the flames will not set you ablaze.

The MESSAGE, another Bible version shares it this way...

"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you, I've called your name. You're mine.
When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.
When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you're between a rock and a hard place,
it won't be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God..."

You see, God offers to be your GUIDE in life. He knows best how to 'steer' through the rough waters, the rocks and the challenges. In the picture above our 'GUIDE' is the only person visible. Our family is 'below the water' so to speak, yet the 'guide' knows exactly how to lead us out of the rough waters. I put my family's 'trust' in her hands. People in general seem to only turn to God, to put their trust in Him, during times of catastrophe, serious illness or near death situation. At The Bonded Family, we suggest turning to Him every day. Giving thanks when the water is smooth and from where He's taken us already, asking Him to be with us in the journey ahead. Not just in a crisis. THE MESSAGE OF THIS BLOG.... LET GOD BE YOUR GUIDE IN YOUR BLENDED FAMILY. Our research, data, experiences with thousands and success statistics prove it true. If you think you know a 'smarter' way... perhaps you should check out this page on our website. http://www.thebondedfamily.com/lifeinstructionmanual

Be sure and visit our website, THE BONDED FAMILY for events, resources and our new WEEKLY VIDEO BONDCAST COACHING. Best resource for blended families available today for weekly LIVE Question and Answer sessions and topical discussions. Plus get video mail with TIP OF THE WEEK.
Find more about BLENDED FAMILY COACHING

Join over 12,000 fellow stepfamily 'TWITTER FOLLOWERS'
by following @BlendedFamilies

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And remember to Keep Looking UP!

Copyright, The Bonded Family 2011

College Funding Questions Arising?

2011-07-01T14:10:00.000-05:00

COLLEGE FUNDING PODCAST Shares Super Tips!
BLENDED FAMILIES have unique options!

Listen to this FREE and VALUABLE PODCAST.

DR RANDY SHEPARD offers valuable insight, tips and suggestions, for parents, especially stepfamilies. There are 'additional options' for blended families, because you have two households to review and draw ideas from that might extend tax savings and open up financial eligibility.

DR RANDY SHEPARD'S BLOG WEBSITE ALSO HOLDS VALUABLE INSIGHT.
http://savemoneyoncollege.blogspot.com

At The Bonded Family, we seek to help families in many areas.
College funding being one of them.
Whatever age you child is, Fr. Soph, Jr, Sr or in college now...college funding questions could be on the horizon and Dr. Shepard can assist you.

BLENDED FAMILY ALERT! "VACATING" = a Key to BONDING plus "Q20 is the BONDING MACHINE"

2011-06-30T23:24:00.000-05:00

"VACATING" Stepfamilies will Bond Better

Plus...Buy Q20 Here for your 'Vacating'

We can't encourage you too much to intentionally and with special planning create your new blended family vacation times. They are giant opportunities to 'get away' and 'bond'. No external pulls, ties, conflicts, other home influences, etc. It is one on one time as a group. It works! Plan it! Do it! We did a radio program on 'VACATING' on our radio program BLENDED FAMILY TODAY. Enjoy AFR DJ and Comedian J.J. Jasper on that one too. Visit the VACATING and Family Fun broadcast by clicking here.

So many of you would agree that Estes Park Colorado is an incredible place to enjoy as a family. That was our first vacation as a blended family and it started the great tradition of road games. We did the contest of spotting various states license plates, who could spot the first water tower, first church steeple, first McDonalds (then we had to stop for a malt) or doing the alphabet via letters on licenses or other games.

One of our favorite games was 'The Whine Counter Game'. Mom / "Rebecky" would keep a list of who moaned or complained or whined the most. Everyone would of course 'assist' her in pointing out a brother or sisters moan about something. The 'top whiner' would have to do the dishes or other chores at the mountain cabin. Funny how the whining dropped off the day we played that game. Anyway, as you plan and enjoy your family 'vacating', be sure and find some great games to play while driving and create some 'bonding' memories. Our kids remember and actually seemed to LIKE the LONG TRIPS. God is good.

One year we bought some mini-electronic games for the road. The BEST ONE and the ALL-TIME, ALL-TIMER FUN BONDING MACHINE is the 20 Questions little round device called the Q20. It is amazing. You think of 'something', it's asks you 20 questions...and then 'get's it right!' You have to have one. So that's all I got to say. Spend $15 and get a MILLION dollars worth of family joy. "VACATING" with Q20 is a bonder. Buy your Q20 below.

REMEMBER... to grow a BOND in your Blended Family...be sure to enjoy 'VACATING' together!

Visit THE BONDED FAMILY website at: http://www.thebondedfamily.com

Join us on FACEBOOK at: http://www.facebook.com/blendedfamilies

or on TWITTER at: http://www.twitter.com/blendedfamilies

God is Sad for a Blended Family when...

2011-04-14T18:16:00.001-05:00

'God is Sad When...'
When We Act Broken In Our Ways...
A "NO Stinkin' Thinkin'" Blended Family Thought

In our regular weekly Blended Family Fellowship on Sunday mornings here in Kansas City we have some tremendous and very cool people. Rebecca and I often say 'we get more back and learn more from others when we teach than we give'.

Ron and Laurie Grant

Ron and Laurie Grant are an awesome couple. Truly a blended family couple that walks and lives out the Bible verse Romans 8:37 'we are overcomers / we are more than conquerors with Christ' (paraphrasing).

They have great joy and love. Also, like most, they have faced trials. They are shining examples of trusting God, perseverance and knowing that 'God is not done' in any situation. A couple to be emulated.

Recently as we were talking about behavior and situations that arise in stepfamily dynamics Laurie said 'You know I bet God is sad when that happens.' I thought to myself... 'Self...that is profound and people should think about that in their blended family interactions...or for that matter...anywhere'. I asked them for permission to borrow and 'expound' upon their wisdom with what came to my heart when she said that.

God is the almighty powerful force in the universe. The Bible shares where He has got mad, brought about consequences, plagues, storms, fire, wind, you name it. Jesus even got mad at His disciples when they fell asleep in the garden after he asked them to pray. Or when Jesus overturned the tables in the temple. We've read of God's upset. But we often don't think, and we should, 'does God get sad?'. 'Do we hurt our loving Heavenly Father?' I think the answer is YES.

I don't want to enter into a 'theological' debate over this. I'm not a Pastor, nor theologian. I did seek scripture on this and welcome anyone else's thoughts. But for those who want to point out my contextual errors... I also share wryly a quote from my friend and a wonderful man of God, Zig Ziglar, "Some people find fault like there's a reward for it." Keep that one tucked away in your heart for future reference in your life.

Certainly as a Father, we can imagine the sadness God felt when His Son Jesus was tortured, mocked and crucified. Think on that sadness for a minute. Jesus was sad when Lazarus was dead. The shortest verse in the Bible? John 11:35 "Jesus wept".

I am pretty sure that "God is sad when He sees...."

- a smart person like you make poor choices when knowing better
- our hurt and pain and tears over relationship struggles
- a divorce and the ripples it causes through people's lives
- children's lives impacted by parents who bicker over custody
- a husband or a wife unleash a sharp tongue to their spouse
- a misunderstood stepfamily member not fully grasping how to cope
- the hurt and pain that children feel when they miss a parent
- He sees the hurt and pain a parent feels when they miss their children
- the light in a child's eyes dim when they're blasted by a stepparent
- ache in a stepparent heart when a child shouts 'You're not my Dad!'
- a 'christian' treating a divorcee or single parent with disdain
- a couple turning away from Him for marriage solutions
- all the "Stinkin' Thinkin'" that goes on in selfish hearts
- observes me - maybe you too - and sees my bad spirit about things

See God sees all. He knows your joys and your sorrows. Loves you the same when you are good or slipping in your walk with Him.

Ephesians 4: 29-32 shares it so well for blended family relationships:

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. ³¹ Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

God does 'grieve' when we treat one another wrongly. He forgave us. We are His children He wants us to model ourselves after His ways.

Rebecca and I have always shared with our six children "Do what's right...even when no one is looking." If we coach, mentor and teach our children honor, truth and unconditional love, whatever their biological role, we are serving them in their life. If we show grace and mercy and 'The Golden Rule' in tough situations (former spouses, treating children fairly, etc), even when it's hard, then our children and future generations of their children will be blessed.

There are a lot of cool things going on at The Bonded Family. Visit our website to see. http://www.thebondedfamily.com
* Zig Ziglar's Daughter Julie Ziglar to speak at TBF Luncheon May 20th
* Weekly Coaching Program that pays for future conference investment

And you can join us - you don't have to attend our church - every Sunday and "Meet Ron and Laurie" in person. You'll love them as we all do. For info about the Sunday Fellowship our blended family resources, write: dan@thebondedfamily.com

Keep Looking UP!

Blended Family Getaway in Colorado!

2011-03-30T09:38:00.002-05:00

36 Hours Left to Register ---- THIS WEEKEND!
ONLY TWO SPOTS LEFT! Renew Your Marriage and Family.
Blended Family Getaway - Workshop and Retreat for Couples
Colorado Weekend Offers Renewal, Rest and Rediscovering Purpose

Mention the word 'Colorado' and 9 out of 10 people will get a big smile, rise to attention and enthusiastically say they 'love Colorado' using descriptive words like majestic, fun, peaceful, special and foremost relaxing and renewing to their hearts.

That's why THIS WEEKEND April 1st through the 3rd we are bringing blended family couples to HORN CREEK CAMP in Colorado for a special couples weekend called 'BLENDED FAMILY GETAWAY - a Workshop, Retreat and Renewal time for couples seeking to better 'bond' their blended family (stepfamily).

More information quickly at: www.thebondedfamily.com/horncreek

The Horn Creek facility is nestled in the Rocky Mountains about 80 minutes southwest of Colorado Springs. The Meadows cabins, the part of the camp we will be at, is the newest part of the complex and holds a special mountain lodge feel that will allow for relaxing and learning at the same time. We purposefully built in lots of husband and wife getaway time into the weekend.

You can arrive early on Friday morning at the camp to take advantage of the recreation center with a full basketball, bowling, rock climbing, internet cafe, volleyball and other amenities. Our formal workshop sessions together begin Friday evening 6:30 to 9:30, then Saturday AM from 9:00 to 11:30, then Saturday evening 6:30 to 10:00 with a campfire after that. Sunday morning service at 9:30 AM allows still for time before leaving camp later in the day. So adding up time you can just 'take in the mountains' could be up to 24 hours apart from the group alone if you choose. There will be group activities, fun games, tournament competition if you choose to participate.

IMPORTANTLY...the SUPER RATE we've partnered with Horn Creek to offer you. For $269 a couple (yes that's not per person, but per couple) you will get three (3) great days and two (2) nights at the cabins, ALL your meals, coffee and snacks during the workshops, use of the camp facilities, couples pictures in the mountains taken by TBF staff members for your memories, PLUS 8+ hours of blended family fun and informative workshops from some of the leading authorities in the nation on stepfamily dynamics. Where else can you get a hotel, all your food, training and a 'view' like that for $269 per couple. We say 'Thank You Horn Creek' for delivering a great weekend getaway partnership.

If you are a Grandparent, Family member, Co-Worker or Friend of a Couple you know could use a boost in their blended family situation, consider SPONSORING a couple to this special weekend.

http://www.destination360.com/north-america/us/wyoming/rocky-mountains
Special Thanks toDestination360 for this pic.

How are your Blended Family world windows?

2011-03-18T11:59:00.001-05:00

Blended Family Life can be a place for a 'Fresh Start'

Do YOU know a Stepfamily that could use a boost?

SEE them with 'new windows' from your heart.

*** NOTE *** A struggling couple we are coaching mentioned their 'neighbors', even people at their own church, seemed to be judgmental about their new marriage and blended family. Even felt like they were being 'whispered' about. This hurts. Anyone who has walked through divorce, single parenthood and now perhaps blended family life knows firsthand the sometimes 'branded-ness' (by some) of the situation. Our tag line is 'from broken to blended to bonded'. Sometimes 'branded' is part of that brokenness. Remember, God doesn't make mistakes. Keep Looking UP!

TWO STORIES TO ENCOURAGE YOU TODAY:

(First a story I read multiple places online a couple of years ago.
Knew it might serve others one day.)

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood.
The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

"That laundry is not very clean", she said.
"She doesn't know how to wash correctly.

Perhaps she needs better laundry soap."

Her husband looked on, but remained silent. Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

See a Blended Family next door?

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: "Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this."
The husband said, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows."

And so it is with life. What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look.

ENCOURAGING 2nd story from scripture... John 8 : 1-12

"The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

Blended Family Fresh Starts

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

My wonderful wife Rebecca often mentions that she wonders if Jesus, as he knelt and was writing in the dust of the ground, was actually writing the 'shortcomings' and 'sins' of the Pharisees. Or perhaps to share with the woman, right where she is at, that she was free to go and begin anew in her life.

We certainly understand why God states in Malachi that He hates divorce. We do too. The ripples it causes His people for generations is not His plan. But it is not an unpardonable sin, nor a place where others can condemn if you truly are seeking a 'new beginning'. SO BE ENCOURAGED! GOD LOVES YOU! HAS A GREAT PLAN FOR YOU! BELIEVE IN HIM!

Whether it's your own house windows or the public square, where is your heart. Help a marriage, a child, a neighbor, co-worker or fellow church member rise up above their circumstance and see the 'fresh starts' that God offers them.

We are here to help: www.thebondedfamily.com We know you can do it. If God believes in you and is for you, who can be against you? We'll help you become 'overcomers' in your family setting like you've never believed you could. We offer practical tips and the inspiration to 'keep on, keepin' on'. That's the key. Not just in the techniques but in the special touch and strength of God.

PERHAPS A GRANDPARENT, NEIGHBOR, FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER? Consider a SPONSORSHIP / SCHOLARSHIP to our upcoming Colorado weekend April 1-3. Call a family member or some couple you know struggling and say 'we want to send you to Colorado for a fresh start'. www.tbfcolorado.eventbrite.com

BLENDED FAMILY SHOWER POWER?

2011-03-08T19:08:00.000-06:00

Blended Families...
Feeling a Little 'Stinky'...
From a Stepfamily Fight.

Get Washed Clean.
Renewed. Redeemed.
'Live Under the Spout'...
Of God's Showering Love.

Often times in our work surrounding stepfamily dynamics we see a need for getting 'refreshed' in the sometimes 'stinky' areas of emotions, feelings and foremost in a persons 'spirit'. Are you living in an blended family household where you feel the 'stinky' consequences of...TOXIC WORDS? OLD WOUNDS? STEPCHILD HURTS? A FORMER SPOUSE (EX)? SIBLING RIVALRY?PRIDE? STUBBORNNESS? EMOTIONAL OUTBURSTS? CHILD EQUALITY? JEALOUSY? SPOUSAL UNITY ON ISSUES?

We've found that 80+% of these issues stem from the marriage couple being unprepared for stepfamily dynamics, unmet expectations, emotions running undisciplined and a true lack of an foundational commitment to something bigger than themselves. We know that faith in God can be and is the best 'foundation' that any stepfamily can stand on. That's why God said "go share your 'tests' as a 'testimony'".

If you've experienced divorce, remarriage, bringing together children while sharing them with another household, at some point you'll probably walk through many of those above scenarios. It's part of the reason why the Bible says 'God hates divorce'. (Malachi 2:16) He doesn't want you to walk through that kind of 'stinky' stuff in life. Yes... divorce stuff really stinks up a life. 'I know it, you know it and the American people know it.' (famous Bob Dole quote)

God does hate divorce perhaps for the reasons of the effects of the pain and suffering that the children, parents, grandparents, even the workplace, community and schools go through it. Yet He doesn't hate YOU. He loves you. We want to repeat that so you 'get it'. You may have walked through divorce, however it is NOT the 'unpardonable' sin. God loves you. He wants joy and peace and a great life for you. Trust in Him.

GOD IS A GOD OF SECOND CHANCES. Ask God to renew your life, your spirit and your commitment to Him and he will give you 'the desires of your heart'. (Psalm 37:4) We serve a loving God who does want you to recognize that if one follows His commands and precepts, life will be more joyful and you'll 'see' and 'feel' His love and goodness in a more special way. And have a 'family' life that shines bright!

Picture God's Grace Pouring on your Family

A longtime friend of mine Dan Madasz once shared an example of thinking of 'God's Grace' being like a shower head. That people don't 'get under the spigot' of God's goodness to shower us with His love. Importantly, we don't show our honor and love of God enough and take the action (prayer, trust, honor, praise, etc) that He asks from us, so that we might be blessed by the 'shower' of His love If America prayed, and praised, God as often as we 'showered', we'd have stronger marriages and families and be a much happier nation.

"If America prayed to, and praised, God as often as we 'showered', we'd have much stronger marriages and families... and be a much happier nation."

In blended families, and at The Bonded Family we share the message, that God CAN take a stepfamily 'from Broken to Blended to BONDED.' Picture your family if you all were 'stinky' and dirty, and then holding hands, jumped under a giant shower head. It would be a 'bonding' event and remove the stinky, sticky feeling that sometimes dampens the joy of children and parents and all around. God does want your family to feel 'fresh', 'renewed' and 'smelling and feeling good'... just like after a shower.

Blended Family 'Shower Power' of God

If you're in a blended family, and working on bonding, consider making THIS 'SHOWER POWER' IMAGE a family discussion during a "BLENDED FAMILY HUDDLE". Make 'we need some 'shower power' phrase a way of realizing that 'stinky' stuff is going on in your family. Acknowledge it. Nothing more powerful then when a 8 yr old blurts out 'we need some shower power here'. It may just be God using a child to break up the struggle and help your family 'win the moment'. God Bless You in your 'Shower Power'!

Scripture speaks of God encouraging us to 'wash ourselves' clean in Isaiah 1:16-18

"Wash and make yourselves clean. Take your evil deeds out of my sight; stop doing wrong. Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow. 'Come now, let us settle the matter,' says the LORD.

Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow..."

Isaiah 1:16-18

For practical tips, fun and laughter and biblical insight on a daily basis, follow us on TWITTER. www.twitter.com/blendedfamilies Or on FACEBOOK: www.facebook.com/blendedfamilies
Visit our website and learn about upcoming conferences in Colorado, Nebraska, Washington DC, Gulf Shores AL, Dallas and more at: www.thebondedfamily.com
To get Practical Tips Daily on your cell phone TEXT MSG to the # 90210 the word BLENDED

Blended Family Dominoes

2011-02-18T12:45:00.000-06:00

BLENDED FAMILY DOMINOES?
We Can ALL Help God Stop the Tumbling.

Often times the challenges of stepfamily dynamics creates a 'domino' effect. We all stumble and tumble at times. I know I have, I do and I will. Just ask my bride or children. One slip up or lack of seeking to live via the 'fruit of the spirit' (love, patience, joy, peace, gentleness, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and the big one in stepfamilies - self control). What it can look like is the first domino starts to tip and tumble and then a series of mistakes - can be by parents or children or grandparents or whomever - starts to create 'noise', uncertainty, falling spirits and fear of somehow going to be 'crushed' in some way. Like the couple in the image above.

NOW COMES THE GOOD NEWS! See that giant hand stopping the dominoes before they flatten the couple? The Hand of God is THE HAND THAT CAN stop the dominoes. The same God that we cry out to when there is a disaster, emergency, sudden crisis or real life danger, is also there to handle for you and your marriage and your family the day to day dominoes. Just as this image shows. BOOM...God's hand can STOP THE TUMBLING DOMINOES. We do have to ask Him for the help. And do so daily...BEFORE the first domino falls, DURING the tumbles and then giving thanks AFTER the tumbling has been stopped. We encourage a quick morning and evening prayer - together as husband and wife - and praying for your marriage and each and every child by name. It works.

Scripture shares with us great 'Hand of God' wisdom.

'Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.'
1 Peter 5:6-7

We'd love to have you follow us on Twitter or Facebook.

Join us in the ROCKY MOUNTAINS - April 1-3 for the BLENDED FAMILY GETAWAY.
http://www.thebondedfamily.com/horncreek
Or if near Kansas City, hear Zig Ziglar's daughter Julie Ziglar Norman live and in person for a great evening.
http://www.thebondedfamily.com/ziglar

BASKETBALL and BLENDED FAMILIES

2011-02-14T22:00:00.002-06:00

BASKETBALL FEVER is Heating Up!
NCAA, NAIA, NBA, High School...Wherever there's a Tourney.
What Do Referees and Blended Families Have in Common?

Basketball in the air...starting to get exciting...NBA or College...it's a great game!

I was a basketball referee for 10 years. Was accepted into the NBA Referee Development Program in the early 80's. Great season of my life. Then I went into a Public Service season (dislike the word politics) for 10 years. Seems I always picked avocations where you get yelled at. Could be some form of a character quirk there huh? Heh, heh.

On the basketball court a ref is half right or half wrong depending who someones cheering for. You'll be told 'great ref' to 'get some glasses you bum'. In politics you can go from 90% 'great guy popular' to 90% 'throw the bum out' with one vote on an issue. From Hero to Zero in a day I called it.

That tenuous balancing act in refereeing and politics holds some similarities to our modern day world of stepfamily life and it's dynamics. Often there are 'commentators' or 'broadcasters' who want to prognosticate about you as a parent, spouse or member in a family unit. Some are just drooling and waiting for you to slip up so they can air the famous 'I told you so!'. Sometimes family members are quick to point fingers instead of slow to speak, quick to understand and extend grace. We've become the 'arm chair quarterbacks' of family life in society. We say 'We can do better America. Let's look for the good in every person!'
In traditional nuclear families a parent can 'make the call/call a foul' on a something a child did wrong or inappropriately, yet the child has full knowledge that the parent loves them unconditionally. With stepchildren, sometimes a parent can 'make the call/call the foul' and a child feels less secure in the circumstances. That even the 'home crowd' is against them. That they have no 'home court advantage'. Great blended families work together, support each other, work together unselfishly to create a great home turf, the home court advantage. (Zig Ziglar speaks on this)

To some stepchildren, especially early on in a new family situation, every 'foul' called seems like they are being called for a 'Technical Foul'. Throw out of the game. (relationship or love) As parents, we can work together to set household rules upfront and out front. To make sure that we as husband and wife also upfront know WHO is to make the call and when. To be slow to let the play unfold. Don't rush to 'blow the whistle' on every call or behavior. Work to let God guide you and say 'Be still and know that I am God'. (Psalm 46:10) Call the game with a clear understanding that it's a 'long season' and you don't want to crush a player (child) with a poor judgment call. Make sure you create - again as our good friend Zig Ziglar says - the 'Home Court Advantage'. That your family knows you love them and are here for them no matter what. That we learn from mistakes, we are growing and bonding one day at a time. Trials will exist, but remind them always 'this too shall pass'. Encourage 10 times for every 1 discipline.

One thing we learned in the NBA Referee Development Program was to 'see' the whole court. Not just one action. To scan what is going on. Many refs focus just on the basketball and lose track of the other 'stuff' going on on the court. How can you relate to that as parents in your 'home court'.

Parents...be aware of your 'home court'. Be keenly aware of body language, countenances, friendships, activities, Facebook, cell phones, etc. While we should allow for reasonable freedom for our children, there is an overboard and damaging myth and trend that promotes 'let a teen make their own decisions'. We've seen this in some families and 'freedom' actually 'slows maturity' in kids in teens or early 20's. They are impacted by a lack of foundational guidance to do the right thing, and this can create an 'all about me' selfishness that is clearly too evident in society in general as a whole.

Children deep inside want boundaries from parents. They want leadership. Unconditional love. Research clearly shows the safe and solid boundaries, coupled with solid encouragement and support create healthier children. We like to share to 'Encourage 10 times to every 1 discipline.' You'll create a champion child who understand love, respect, authority and honor...all while knowing they are able to both stumble and do great things and you will be with them just the same in all circumstances.

Be cautious to let divorce and two homes for children create a 'no foul seen' environment in order to 'win' love. Also as parents in both homes, remember, you are not in competition for the children. It's okay for children to love both homes. Kids are not 'wired' to have to choose. They want to feel safe to love. It is generally the parents who create a 'they must be bad, so I am good' sad scenario. Most everybody is good. Nobody is perfect. Look for the GOOD in all people.

My great friend Jesse Hall holds a double special place in my heart.   He was one of three people who talked to me the most about the Lord and thus brought me to Him. Jesse also got me into the NBA Referee Development Program. One is eternal. Both are thrilling. Jesse still is in the NBA record books as being the referee in the highest scoring game in NBA history. In triple overtime it was Detroit Pistons 186, Denver Nuggets 184, on Dec 13th, 1983. I tease Jesse that he took the old adage 'let 'em just play ball' a little too far. He is a great friend and super speaker should you ever need some great sports or life stories from an incredible guy. Jesse can 'bring the wood' as they say in some churches.

Jesse would tell you, as I would that we do have a life 'rule book'. The Bible. It's the 'All Time - All Timer Best Seller ever! It's an awesome marriage manual, parenting book, how to live life guide. The rules were followed to create laws in this country. The Supreme Court has the Ten Commandments standing on it's building.   Many have tried to prove it wrong and failed. Some have sought to prove it wrong and now are great preachers and teachers.

Now, there are many other great resources out there to help blended families, parents and marriages. We own them and learn some things from them also. Many can be found on our website. But follow the SUCCESS and CHAMPION LIKE FAMILIES in our nation and you will see a solid foundation in faith and togetherness wins more often.   That scoreboard speaks for itself.

We talk about practical tips, parenting skills, real life examples, experiences and everyday stepfamily dynamics in our conferences, but this we know and stand upon.... GOD CAN take your stepfamily... from Broken to Blended to Bonded.

We are available for speaking, conferences and resources at:

http://www.thebondedfamily.com/

Follow us on TWITTER: Twitter.com/blendedfamilies
On FACEBOOK: Facebook.com/blendedfamilies

Write us at: info@thebondedfamily.com

BLENDED FAMILY Lessons from a Walmart Morning

2010-12-08T08:30:00.000-06:00

WHOEVER THAT DAD WAS...
HE SHAPED A CHILD'S FUTURE!
Follow this guys lead in your Blended Family.

It was a recent blustery, snow-filled Saturday morning and I was off to grab some waffle mix, eggs, milk and cantelope for a 'Dad's Waffle Breakfast Morning'. Not enough Saturday's free, so I was excited to enjoy that family tradition. Good 'bonding' time and hey, I even like my own waffles, so while the kids slept I went to Walmart early to grab the 'stuff'.

As I thought I would be in and out, little did I know I would leave the store with much more than food for family, but bigger than that...food for life. To share with you.

While I was in the waffle mix aisle, I could not help but overhear the joyful voice, from the next aisle over, of a youngster repeating his Father's words and mentoring. I heard the little voice say 'I am a happy boy!' repeating his Dad. Then it was 'I can grow up to do great things!' following the coaching, then an interesting comment that really sparked my interest, 'I look for the good in people!' followed by 'God made me special!'.

By this time those of you that know me, understand already that my cart was wheeling around the corner to go meet this 'Super Dad'. Surely I thought I would find Zig Ziglar's first cousin, Anthony Robbins himself, or maybe just some high school football coach in a cap with a whistle around his neck who knew the power of inspiring his players. Or perhaps one of those 'hired WalMart Greeter' people who usually are fairly fired up individuals themselves. They seem to naturally have a smiley face on and love people thanks to Sam Walton's legacy.

You see the voice I heard, but could not see, from across the top of the waffle and cereal aisle divide certainly was certainly a character shaper and a giant of a man. I wanted to meet him and shake his hand! Tell him I love what I heard!

So when I spun my cart down that next aisle and looked ahead I did not see any of those wondermen of motivation I spoke of, but instead a man in a torn overcoat, scraggly beard and a weary walk. After greeting the man and telling him how powerfully he impacted me from across the aisle top, he simply said 'I want Joey to grow up with more positive voices in his little head than I did'. God's gonna make him better than me'. Wow! After hugging the man and telling him God's already blessed this little guy with you, I asked little Joey 'are you happy?'. He smiled big and blurted out 'I'm a happy boy!'

I had earlier especially been taken by the boy following the wisdom of... "I look for the good in people". Worth repeating. 'Look for the good in people'.

Especially in stepfamilies, too often a parent or child is 'looking for error' in a relationship instead of following that wonderful wisdom...'look for the good'.

Blended Families or any family. Learn from a scraggly bearded man, who might just have been an angel so I can share this story with you. Encourage your children. Be a positive and Godly force that echos into their future.

Scripture shares in Proverbs Chapter 17 and Verse 22...

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Go tell somebody THREE THINGS that you like about them.
It will be...good medicine. And God just may give you one more step on the journey 'from Broken to Blended to BONDED'.

Visit our website http://www.thebondedfamily.com/

Keep Looking UP!

Blended Family Tree

2010-12-06T09:30:00.003-06:00

NOTE: Sunday, in our weekly Blended Family Fellowship Class ...Rebecca shared wonderfully about 'tree trunks'. Made me think about a 2008 blog worth repeating.

See Your Blended Family Tree Grow

After a recent snow and ice storm, I helped my Father-in-law cut down and haul away a very large branch of a giant tree that he had planted long, long ago. It was a towering willow tree planted along a small lake. It had stood the test of time over 37 years. Now one of the willows large cut up branch lay ready to become firewood for our families. As I looked at the ‘tree rings’ depicting the chronology of that tree and the large branch, a smile came over me in a big way … there is a message for Blended Families in this tree.

Each year that a tree is alive it grows another ring, making its trunk wider. The thickness of each ring depends on what the weather, the climate, lightning strikes, fire damage or the storms were like during the year in which it grew that ring. A wide ring indicates faster growth (good conditions), whereas a narrow ring or scar of some sort indicates poor growth (bad conditions). When a tree is cut, the rings can be "read" like a diary of the ‘history of life’ of that tree. Families also can have ‘tree ring’ story in their chronology diary... and by God's hand we can have good growth.

In Blended Families we too have seasons of life or our own family ‘tree rings’. Often in blended families, despite being ‘branded’ broken, there is much joy, happiness and many good seasons, and yes occasionally some will probably be not so good. That is normal. Like all of life, God gives us seasons we go through in order to see His hand in our life. He wants us to know that placing our trust in HIM offers strength through all the seasons. So that our ‘tree rings’ will show genuine growth.

We encourage you to take this to heart in your step-family. Often times in divorce, remarriage and new blended family / step-family life the ‘storms’ seem to be just a little stronger, the ‘heat’ feels a little hotter, and the ‘winds’ seem to blow more powerfully against us, testing the strength of our tree. Parental interaction, children’s behavior and emotions, financial challenges, and cooperation with former spouses can all offer ‘climate’ that sometimes seems to try to knock down or knock out a family.

We encourage blended families / step-families who we coach through difficult situations to look first for patience, perseverance and victory through trusting God. We respect the secular viewpoints that offer insight into the dynamics of step-family life, yet as we have invested years of research, reading, interviews with families, and conversations with family therapists and professionals, we continue to find the real power is in God’s Hands. The foundation of your blended family, your ‘tree ring’ and family chronology success in this sense must be fully planted in the Word of God. The greatest growth of your tree ring can be found through planting, and your family by the streams of living water.

In Psalms 1: 1-3, we are offered perfect wisdom to follow;

Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,

or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers.

But his delight is in the law of the LORD,

and on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree planted by streams of water,

which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither.

Whatever he does prospers.

So that your ‘blended family chronology’ will prosper, through the “storms” and “climate” challenges, you and your spouse must plant yourself as the parents ‘by the streams of living water’ and draw a line in the sand for your family by fully trust God. He is the root and the trunk, you are the branch. Then you may ‘see things with new eyes’ and ‘hear things with new ears’.We encourage blended families to look for God in all things, good and some seemingly bad, and keep your ‘roots’ firmly planted in prayer and in God’s Word daily. You can be ‘like the tree…which yields fruit in season, whose leaf does not wither. Do not walk in the counsel of negative people, or those who mock biblical wisdom. Stand strong, you will get through it. If you trust God, your tree will stand and reach up to the sky and one day you will see its fruit.

Our family tree, and our own blended family chronology, has had some thick rings with great years of growth, and some rings where you can sense the storms came. In all times, we kept the ‘roots’ planted in God’s Hands, even when the world might say we should crash. We have seen God’s goodness and His glory, and He has firmly planted in our hearts to pass along the encouragement, hope and motivation for you and your blended family.

STEPFAMILY WORKSHOPS - KANSAS CITY AREA

2010-10-19T14:29:00.001-05:00

BLENDED FAMILIES Have Busy Schedules

Two November Options for a Stepfamily Workshop

Blended Family Calendars Can Be Hectic

My Wife Rebecca recently blogged with great experienced insight about the hectic pace and busy lives of blended families. We know that our fellow stepfamily marriages can be filled with many scheduling commitments.

We've often heard from people who say 'I want to attend your TBF conference but we have the kids that weekend'. Hmmmm....we get it. So...we hopefully fixed that.

We have set up options for you on the back to back Saturday's Nov 13th and Nov 20th in the Kansas City area we are hosting a shortened one day only STEPFAMILY WORKSHOP. One in Cass County (Harrisonville/South KC metro) and one in KC Metro area proper.

The topics and discussion are the same at either. (see below) So choose which one fits your schedule. ALSO...due to the challenging economic times, we have reduced the registration fees from $89 to $49. Plus offer additional discounts to Military, Police, Fire, College or Seminary Students, Pastors, Grandparents (a new key area for family success)

Some might say 'Well $49 is still a lot right now'. Consider that you get 7+ hours of Practical Tips, Encouragement, the Value of 7 years of Research and Study, and over 60 years of real life combined stepfamily experience, a workbook, gifts, discount coupons worth savings around town, lunch, coffee and snacks...then that $7 an hour seems reasonable. OR...some wait to go to $100 an hour therapist long after it's gotten worse in their family. $49 is a GREAT INVESTMENT IN YOUR FAMILY.

The OPPORTUNITY for a Grandparent, Friend, Co-Worker, Manager or Church Group to SPONSOR SCHOLARSHIPS for individuals is ENCOURAGED.

For Details and Register...click below and on the date you are interested in.

www.thebondedfamily.com

LEAVE THE STEPFAMILY WORKSHOP WITH:

• Improved StepParent-StepChild Relationships

• Greater Marriage Teamwork & Communication

• How to improve the co-parenting with 'other house'. ('The Ex')

• "What a Child Sees, Feels & Hears" - Hear from a Child of Divorce

• Family Court System Ideas, Suggestions and Coaching

• Blended Family Huddles and Bonding Traditions

• Greater Understanding of Stepfamily Dynamics

• Practical Tips to Succeed Week to Week

• Coaching & Sharing via Small Group Breakouts

• Answers from Multiple Live Q&A Sessions

After attending one of our conferences or workshops, people often say:
"I wish I knew THEN, what I've learned from you today NOW."

INVEST IN YOUR MARRIAGE AND YOUR FAMILY.
Get 15 years of THEN...NOW.

For that wonderful blog of Rebecca's I spoke of: http://www.blendedfamilyhope.com/

If you'd like to have your Church, Community Center, Hospital, Military Base or other group be a part of serving stepfamilies and the unique dynamics they face...contact us at: INFO@TheBondedFamily.com

Rebecca Snell on
Blended Family Today radio

REMEMBER...GOD CAN...
take your Stepfamily...

From Broken to Blended to BONDED.

God Bless YOU! Keep Looking UP!

www.THEBONDEDFAMILY.com

BLENDED FAMILY INSPIRATION

2010-07-26T15:13:00.000-05:00

Blended Families Finding Inspiration to Win!
'IF WE ONLY KNEW THEN, WHAT WE KNOW NOW!'
Blended Family Survey Helps Stepfamilies 'Know'.

"If we only knew in the first year of our blended family, what we've learned in your conference this weekend!" We often hear this, or read in evaluations, from our conference attendees. Why? Because like most any profession, avocation, duty or responsibility in life, the more upfront one has a grasp of what they'll experience ahead, can carry with them some success tips, be knowledgeable of the unique dynamics of the situation, and have awareness of potential 'landmines' the easier it is to manage the scenario. It's not always 'what happens', but bigger how you 'respond to what happened' that can measure success in your family or life.

Our own personal 15 years of successes, AND failures too, in our own blended family taught us much as we seek to share in order to help others. Putting that life experience together with research, study, reading, listening via focus groups, hosting conferences and workshops has taught us much. We are happy to share every bit of expertise we gather to help other people just like you and your family.

"You can have everything in life you want, if you just help enough other people get what they want." ~ Zig Ziglar

For the last 30 years, Zig Ziglar has been the 'gold standard', the 'American Treasure' when it comes to sales and relationship expertise.   He has changed the lives, and inspired the world across the globe like few others.

Companies turn to Ziglar Corp, led now by self described 'Proud Son' and equally encouraging Tom Ziglar as CEO, to deliver some of the very best corporate training in the nation.   We have been honored to work with Tom, Zig and Julie Ziglar Norman, Zig's youngest daughter, as they too have giant hearts for helping families prosper in America. Zig's classic books 'Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World' and 'Confessions of a Happy Christian' are two books we were blessed by long before ever meeting the Ziglars in person. Tom Ziglar was the keynote speaker at our January 2010 Blended Family Luncheon. Julie Ziglar Norman has spoken at our stepfamily conferences and she, along with her inspiring husband Jim Norman, share their very special testimony of success in stepfamily life.

At The Bonded Family we have one purpose. To extend Encouragement, Hope, Inspiration and Biblical insight to the 23+ million homes in America. Over 140 million Americans go to bed each and every night facing some form of stepfamily dynamic challenge.   There is a way to reduce the wounds, stress, conflict and pain. Our mission is to share that nationally. If we could bring 10% of the inspiration, confidence and encouragement that our friends the Ziglar's did in this world then we will feel blessed mightily.

As part of the ongoing research we do, quarterly we conduct a BLENDED FAMILY SURVEY.

Please click on this BLENDED FAMILY SURVEY, invest 90 seconds to fill it out. You'll help us serve families. Strictly confidential. No names or email request. If you are not in a stepfamily environment, forward this to someone who is. They'll truly appreciate you caring enough to think of them this hour.

As the population and awareness of stepfamily dynamics grows, more and more are seeing the glass isn't half empty, but indeed for blended families it can be half full, and why not make it overflow! Divorce, remarriage and struggle is not God's perfect plan for life, yet He does love us and does have a plan that we can follow to succeed in our 2nd chances.

In the meantime....we ENCOURAGE You to KEEP LOOKING UP!

Visit our website at: www.thebondedfamily.com
Follow us on TWITTER : www.twitter.com/blendedfamilies

FOLLOW TOM ZIGLAR ALONG WITH 34,000+ others at: www.twitter.com/TomZiglar

Please Help CHARGE UP our Blended Family Efforts!

2010-07-07T08:27:00.000-05:00

EVER FEEL WEARY IN YOUR STEP-FAMILY DYNAMICS?

EVERY WISH YOU COULD GET YOUR FAMILY RE-CHARGED?

COULD YOU USE SOME GOOD NEWS!

That's what we try to do on a weekly basis via this Blended Family Today blog, our BLENDED FAMILY TODAY radio broadcasts and free podcasts, as well as conferences, coaching, mediation and resources. Find those and more information at www.thebondedfamily.com

To keep things rolling with any organization, some form of revenue is needed. We work to keep registrations to conferences and resource prices as low as possible. So when you see us once in a while with brief promotions like this, please know we are just trying to fund operations.

We discovered a way to help that revenue effort, and for you to also help our cause. We have partnered with Interstate Batteries, a nationally recognized name who just happens to have a CEO who is a strong man of faith. They will pay us a small percentage of the battery sales we do, even while keep their BATTERY PRICES DISCOUNTED +++ FREE SHIPPING. Please click below. They have ALL KINDS OF BATTERIES. You need batteries right? Instead of waiting until you are out, buy them now. With FREE SHIPPING it is less than using gas to drive to the store. Click to check it out. Let us know what you think.

If YOU RIGHT NOW, would buy some batteries, and the other thousands of readers would buy some batteries, you'd be saying THANKS for us blogging and PAYING FORWARD your support of another stepfamily that might need some help down the road.

Please help us help blended families by CHARGING UP your house and funding up our mission. THANK YOU and God Bless Your Family!

2010-06-30T23:02:00.001-05:00

Set the Plans. A VACATING PLAN for your Blended Family! 'Vacating' = Bonding Time! http://ping.fm/mfxmx

Blended Families Should Get "5G" Coverage

2010-06-04T18:28:00.001-05:00

Blended Families Work Best With Super '5G Communication'.

5G Provides Total Coverage' for your Family's Heart.
Get 'The Best Plan' When You Say "I am a Friend of God"!

Forget 3G. We say 'move over 4G'. If you want the most powerful signal that always works, always communicates, always is up and available, you can get it. The Bonded Family presents 5G for blended families.

What is 5G you ask? It's the Global, Grace, Glory & Goodness of God. Get it?5G coverage. It's available FREE. All you have to do is ask Him for it.

Remember the old spirited song 'He's got the whole world, in His hands, He's got you and me sister, in His hands....'? Well for this coverage that's the Truth.

Stepfamilies often face unique and challenges dynamics. Marriages and Children often throw up their hands, get wounded, mad, misunderstood or speak from a hurt heart. Then sometimes they let stubbornness or pride set in. The world and culture seem to often foster adversarial situations, or even roadblocks to cooperation, understanding, patience or perseverance. The Court System is NOT the answer. They have neither the time nor interest in really creating true family success. So look UP! That's where we have seen God's love and redeeming qualities for families stand alone as the answer. The success rate in those having a foundation of faith is almost three times as strong as those without.

It's easy to look at blended family struggles and relationships with a skeptical, can't work, don't want to try, this marriage is not pleasing me, there's no hope for this child or that stepchild, or on and on. The statistics show almost 70% say 'I quit' in stepfamilies. Then... all we do is recyle the pain the hurt and the long term wounds for children and adults. No one wants that. That's why we started The Bonded Family ministry.

With "5G Coverage", you have a Friend in God who knows, cares, understands, wants to help, encourage, bless and give you victory in your marriage, family and life. He provides the Life Manual. The Bible IS the best marriage handbook, parenting guide, relationship advisor, finance counselor or pschology book around. There is a reason it's the all-time best selling book in history.

It is always a privilege to speak to groups to encourage them to support and strengthen families or their hearts. I WANT TO GIVE SPECIAL THANKS to the Men's Ministry at Scheffield Family Life Center in Kansas City for a great evening recently. While their worship team was playing and praising about the Glory of God is when the whole "5G idea" was plopped into my heart by God. Music is a way God often inspired through history and still does today. So thanks to all at Scheffield Family Life Center !

To Learn more about our work visit http://www.thebondedfamily.com/

Remember I said that you and I can both say...
"I am a Friend in God"... well enjoy the song and be blessed.

Keep Looking UP!

BLENDED FAMILY STRONGHOLDS

2010-05-25T13:20:00.005-05:00

Blended Family Strongholds? What?

Release The Chains

Find StepFamily Joy

Often times we will see in blended families, an unseen stronghold holding the family back from God's wish and desire, and theirs too, to 'bond' and have a truly loving and peaceful family. A Dad we are coaching asked me the other day..."What do you mean 'stronghold'?" I explained to him that there was something I've observed over a period of time in his new family's setting. Something that, based on our personal and professional experience, was holding his family back. The Bible speaks of that as 'discernment', or a sense of something or an atmosphere that surrounds a person or situation. This Dad said "Gosh, if I don't know what it is, how are we going to work through it?". I applauded him because he's got the right attitude. He's Looking UP! We can tear down strongholds in a family with clear awareness, God's help and strength, and some genuine effort in your marriage and family.

FIRST... TAKE TO HEART WHAT SCRIPTURE SAYS HOW GOD MADE YOU... Psalm 139, verses 13 - 14 are for you to read, re-read and count on. YOU, and your new family are in God's hands. He made you. You are WONDERFULLY made. God doesn't make mistakes so quit trying to think you are one. You are wonderful!

'For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.'

~ Psalm 139 : 13-14

Let's get back to just what is a stronghold, as indeed you might ask?

The Greek word for STRONGHOLD is 'OCHUROMA', meaning a a large castle, a compelling fortress or a warrior's position of strength. In ancient battleground terms, a STRONGHOLD means an area where an entrenched power exerts control over an individual, group, generation, or territory.

In 'spiritual warfare', there is clear fertile battleground when it comes to divorce, re-marriage, wounds, brokenness and stepfamily situations. A stronghold is deception that's taken hold of you or a person in your family's mind. It's an incorrect thinking pattern based on a believed lie. A lie of the enemy of your family. A fantastic battle ground for the enemy (satan - never give the dirty dog a capital) who is by his own being wants to take out all joy, togetherness, goodness, happiness in every marriage, child and family.

The wisdom we can find in John 10:10 ...

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;
I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.

~~ John 10:10

We come to you now and ask "Are there any strongholds impacting your marriage, family and stepfamily situation that God needs to work on?" Do you feel like something is working to destroy your marriage, a child or your whole family?

What might it look like? It's a lot like a heavy chain around your relationship, weighing it down, holding you back from the joy you truly wanted when you formed your new blended family. It could be pride, a stubborn spirit. An old wound. That inside your brain voice telling you what's bad about you, your family, a person in your family. Perhaps for a man or woman some deep anger that surfaces from time to time. Could be a inability to forgive someone or something. Might come across as a habit or addiction. Could be a child that was wounded by one parent and won't allow love to be received. Could be a deep fear of another breakup of a family. The list goes on. Know this. Those thoughts are not God. He made you SPECIAL!

We find that the first step, is to recognize and acknowledge the stronghold as a couple or family, talk about the stronghold as the 'enemy' of your family's happiness and not a person in the family. Then together you can 'break the chain' that holding you back.

In working with families as we serve via The Bonded Family Rebecca and I have observed that the most prolific strongholds and challenges are often ones people don't recognize or know exist. They just know somethngs wrong. Why we stress a strong foundation in your relationship with God is that you may not be aware without some special discernment from God, without 'seeing' with new eyes and 'hearing' with new ears. God can provide that new understanding, powerful healing and your fresh start. Ask Him in prayer. Not casually. Ask Him fervently for healing and a fresh start.

This isn't hocus pocus stuff. Yes, it's supernatural. God says so. Trust Him. He'll open your eyes IF you let Him. Not allowing God in your life is a giant stronghold that statistically proves true. The divorce rate in stepfamilies is 65%+. When families are attending church and trusting God, that's cut in half. You choose where you'll trust.

Five Steps to Tearing Down Blended Family Strongholds

1) Take Life Inventory, Recognize, Acknowledge Your Stronghold(s).

2) Commit to one another, forgive, genuinely work toward positive change. There are no perfect people - Dad's, Mom's or Children. Let's grow.

3) Read, Listen to CD's, etc, find faith-based help, counseling or coaching.

4) Create a DAILY Prayer List + Time for Husband + Wife TOGETHER.
5) Keep Looking UP! Hold onto an attitude that God has already design your plan for greatness in your new and special Family. You are a Winner! Live it!

Do NOT give up or in. God's promise are real. He can and will help you face the strongholds and defeat them if you truly set your heart to doing so. That's up to you. Excuses are easy. Even as you read this if you're saying 'it's easy for him to write this, he doesn't know'. You're right. But God does. We've been through probably 95% of the challenges that blended families face in our family. Our we perfect...NO. Yet...we know who will win the day.

God is on the throne. He's already got your solution, the way out, the 'recovery plan' for you and your family. Do you want help?

God Bless You and Keep Looking UP!

Hey...help us help you. Visit the BLENDED FAMILY MALL.

Whatever you buy there, a small portion goes to fund scholarships and research for our ministry to people just like you. From Books to Batteries, Travel to Toasters, CD's to Coupons... there are items there that EVERYDAY YOU USE. Please click on the BLENDED FAMILY MALL.

Blended Families and a 'Winning Recipe' for Life

2010-05-03T17:05:00.001-05:00

Step-Family Moaning and Groaning
Equals a Recipe For Failure.

'Fruit of the Spirit Salad'
is a Winning Recipe Solution!
We believe America can rise UP and be a winner when it comes to Marriage and Family. WE CAN create relationships, grounded with a foundation of faith, that follows a more 'WINNING RECIPE' for Marriage and Family success.

In our work at The Bonded Family have not once found a engaged or newly married blended family that stated 'we don't care about how everybody gets along, or if we are all happy together'. A fresh start mindset scenario like that just doesn't exist. What couple would enter into marriage saying 'I don't care!' It is within all of us to desire to have a positive and peaceful home. To live in an atmosphere of love, peace and caring. We all enter into marriage and family with a 'married forever' vision. 'Happily ever after' still lives on in our hearts and is our desire for life.

Society and the 'quit when it gets tough' or the 'I deserve better, I'm out of here' atmosphere lends to why we have such a high divorce rate in America. Look around and one will see a propensity to 'moan and groan', instead of working to find a solution.

Our culture has historically not been supportive of step-families and that created an image that placed further dynamics and challenges upon a husband, wife and children. Even upon grandparents, teachers, coaches, neighbors and all who was a part of the lives of the new family. The term 'step' itself, which we are very cautious to use, reflects it's fictional story board use in Cinderella, Snow White, or even the 2009 movie release of 'The StepFather'.

With that image and mindset, blended families can find themselves living in the arena where we find others 'accepting' even 'encouraging' an atmosphere of many people being receptive of 'moaning and groaning' about kids, or parenting, or the stepfamily situation. Too easily does someone fall into the 'listen and agree', instead of 'listen, ask a question or two, filter through emotion and truth, and then suggest finding a solution'. Can that be tough. Yes. Worth it. Double Yes!

We suggest an immediate and extended family goal and guideline, hopefully evolving into a rule - which naturally will see human failure at times - that we live in a "NO MOAN OR GROAN ZONE".

Marriages get broken by taking the challenges outside the relationship and 'moaning and groaning' to another person, at work, in the neighborhood, or worse a member of the opposite sex that sets up 'special' communication that can escalate to further 'stinkin thinkin'. Kids can easily find receptive ears to 'my (stepparent) is too ________' Often 'the other parent house' takes a position to let that thought be nurtured to bolster their own position.

Wouldn't it be a powerful building block for families and our nation if rather than going along with the negative...instead say 'let's talk about this, not trash another person, find a solution and just complaining won't get us there'. CAN YOU IMAGINE what super 'happily ever after' foundational principles you are building there? Our children watch us, learn from us, see how we face trials. Finding the solution is always a better teaching foundation than just 'moaning and groaning'.

Same can apply to a grandparent or neighbor or workplace friend who 'allows and fosters groaning and moaning'. That's NOT a true friend or caring family member. Listening...YES. Nurturing turmoil and discontent...NO. What kind of true ally wants to see another family breakup? Shouldn't be an option. So I issue a challenge here to ALL who come across 'Moaning and Groaning' to say 'hmmmm....what's the solution'.

At The Bonded Family, we believe we can, you can, change the culture. We all can impact lives for good. We strongly believe, and it's statistically proven, that having God in the mixture is a part of that 'Winning Recipe'. "Happily Ever After"....can come true. Believe it.

So you say 'Dan! Okay I got it...what's the suggestion?' I say 'Glad you asked!' How about working on what character areas we'd like our family members to excel in. Ones that will help the for life in family, school, sports, work and everywhere they go!

SCRIPTURE holds a solution as a 'what to nurture and work on checklist'. It's found in Galatians Chapter 5, verses 22-23. You'll hear this WINNING RECIPE called 'the Fruit of the Spirit'.

'But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.'
Galatians 5 : 22-23

Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self-control. Talk these over. Discuss what they mean? Would they help in the family? Can we write these on our refrigerator, bulletin board or maybe bathroom mirror? Possibly have fun cheerfully reminding each other in a positive way of each one. (pretty hard to take a stand arguing against God's Word). If we start coaching and modeling in our family things like Patience, Self-Control, Joy and the others wouldn't we have a real 'WOW!' Family? I think so. Take the time to 'dine' on the winning 'Fruit of the Spirit' recipe this month.

Visit us at http://www.thebondedfamily.com/

Read Rebecca's blog at: http://www.rebeccasnell.com/

Listen to our radio program BLENDED FAMILY TODAY podcasts at either iTunes or at: www.thebondedfamily.com/radioarchives

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BRING AN UPBEAT, ENCOURAGING AND INSPIRATIONAL BLENDED FAMILY CONFERENCE TO YOUR COMMUNITY, reach us at info@thebondedfamily.com
We bring to bear with speakers and family coaches always more then 70 years of step-family life real world experience and practical success tips.

God Bless You and Keep Looking UP!

BLENDED FAMILY SUCCESS = ASK - Then LISTEN !

2010-04-21T08:25:00.003-05:00

THREE MINUTES A DAY = A "Listener" For a Lifetime

Make The Time. Invest The Time. Bless The Time.

How often do parents hear or say.... "My kids just don't listen to me!"

Or kids thinking 'parents just don't understand!'. Both sides are right at times. We all fall short. That's why God created family. To give us the opportunity to build together a safe and secure place where God shares His steadfast message that 'His mercies are new every morning'. (Lamentations 3 : 21-23)

I was blessed to coach all of our six children in youth basketball, except one who was extra talented in debate and speaking so that was her passion we supported. She WAS successful pushing around up her younger brothers - lovingly - on the basketball court in our backyard. I smile as I think our boys would deny such an allegation of her basketball prowess. I believe regularly the girls beat the boys in pickup games.

In basketball, most young players don't easily dribble with their weak hand (for a righthander, their left hand). It takes practice and more practice. I'd coach my teams to dribble, dribble, dribble with their weak hand, so the get 'good' at being able to use both hands successfully. To have it become second nature to their game.

STEPFAMILIES REQUIRE PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE

Learning to communicate as a Family member also takes practice, practice practice... especially in stepfamily scenarios. Make a point to seek out three brief minutes each and every day to share the clear message of caring and interest in a child's life. Three (3) minutes. Try to make it a habit - like dribbling with off hand - of INVESTING THREE MINUTES to gain a lifetime relationship. You may miss a day, or two, but create a conscience effort to BONDING in your new Family and watch the results.

For years child psychologists have shared a wise piece of wisdom about communicating with a child. The tip, is often forgotten and unused by parents, so it's worth repeating here. EQUALIZE the height level and create eye contact from a level that makes a child feel most trusting.

Come down to their eye level. This automatically creates the 'caring' appeal to a child. This very simple physical movement that can be a GIANT COMMUNICATOR for a more caring RELATIONSHIP. And in blended families, relationships come before the enforcement of rules. Especially for the non-biological parent.

Social scientists study interpersonal communication. Their expert studies state that regarding actual interpersonal communication 'less than 10% in the clarity of the message comes from the 'WORDS' themselves. Around 40% comes from our 'TONE OF VOICE'. Foremost, the most impactful form, over 50% of our true interpersonal communication is 'FACIAL EXPRESSION and BODY LANGUAGE.'

In stepfamilies this can be GIANT. Pay attention here. Remember this. A 'brief gentle scolding' to a biological child is often just that, a 'brief gentle scolding'. That child KNOWS your love deeply, from the first hour you held them after birth. A 'brief gentle scolding' to a stepchild might be viewed internally to them as a 'giant scolding'. They don't have the 'history' with you. Remember this. Just be aware of it. It's not just your 'words'. Check your own body language and tone. Know it communicates 90% or more of your message. We're not saying a scolding might not be appropriate. Just remember that 'relationship' must come first before the ability to scold, for lasting success.

Remember...we can learn as much in life from our slips ups as we can our victories. So if you stumble... make it a learning experience.

I believe those esteemed 'social scientists' who studied communications unknowingly may have gleaned their concepts and lead from the MANUAL for Life, the HOLY BIBLE. Scripture, as always, shares WISDOM for the ages in James 1 : 19-20

'...let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.'

In other words, LISTEN more. HEAR your child's and your spouse's HEART. LISTEN for the HEART...not the words. SEE their COUNTENANCE and what it saying, and not just react to a potential smirk or eye roll. Speak only after you 'understand' their deep hurts, joys and thoughts. Be clear not to jump to 'wrath' (upset, comments, judgement, etc) as that is not what God would advise.

As you work yourself into the routine of 'three minutes a day' keep it upbeat, positive and casual, especially at first. Some sample idea questions to ask the first few efforts into your LISTENING time. You don't have to ask them all at once. Be casual and comfortable. You're investing in a RELATIONSHIP. It will take time and PRACTICE.   Consider questions like...
1)  Tell me what you think our family is doing well in your eyes?
2) Tell me something we could do next week to hang out together?
3) What areas in our new family 'pinch' your heart a little?
AFTER EACH....BE STILL AND LISTEN.

The key is...BEGINNING. Then PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE.

Even LEBRON JAMES had to practice what didn't come natural. So to be a championship level parent...practice championship communications.

JOIN US on FACEBOOK: www.facebook.com/blendedfamilies
On TWITTER:                www.twitter.com/blendedfamilies

Want your BLENDED FAMILY STOCK to go up! If you know of someone in the WICHITA KS area, share with them about the Saturday May 1st BLENDED FAMILY WORKSHOP. The host church is Believers Tabernacle in Wichita. A wonderful family oriented and friendly place.
Send your friends or family in the Wichita area to http://www.thebondedfamily.com/ and click on the Wichita conference. Julie Ziglar Norman, daughter of ZIG ZIGLAR, J.J. Jasper, American Family Radio DJ and Comedian are just two of the super lineup of speakers. Over 125 years of stepfamily experience we have compiled for this day.

Thanks for LISTENING and KEEP LOOKING UP!

Bitter & Broken ... to Better & Bonded

2010-03-24T19:12:00.001-05:00

BITTER ROOTS in Blended Families...
Always Leads to Ruptured Relationships.
Break Free from the Bitter and Broken...
Get Better and Bonded!

Our friend Zig Ziglar draws his foundation from the Bible. I'd say that's a pretty good place to garner encouragement, hope and teaching from. Zig is noted for saying a couple of things. One, he detests "Stinkin' Thinkin'" and advise we should shy away from people who are full of negativity. In fact Zig also shares 'Positive thinking won’t let you do anything but it will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.' Where Zig is coming from is not self-help motivation but by his personal faith in trusting in a God whose promises are real and tells us 'we can do all things through God who strengthens us'.

Thanks and way to go Zig! Zig Ziglar is a person we could all emulate as he doesn't have one ounce of bitterness in his being! He thanks God for everything...even his trials. His life verse is Romans 8:28 'ALL things work for good...' Later this year Zig and 'The Redhead - Jean' will celebrate 64 years of marriage. Congratulations and Thanks from America!

Across America today there are ruptured relationships. Hurts, Wounds, Divisions, Stubbornness, Selfishness and Bitterness normally are the cause. It is 'heart disease' at it's worst. It can be fatal to your spirit and your family. When it carries over as baggage in a blended family, it weakens the children's chances to develop relationships in a positive way. No parent would want to make that choice or to be a part of such a legacy of brokenness. We believe GOD CAN help you rise above the hurts and wounds. Ask Him. He's there for YOU!

Look ahead 10 years, 20 years, 30 years. Let's ask of each of ourselves, what attitude will our children learn from? Godly leadership or negativity? If you are a Grandparent, Family member, friend or co-worker, we also encourage you to be a positive role model by speaking peacemaking and no 'stinkin' thinkin'.

What will our children say of us....years from now. Not 'during' the trials of this season of life, but instead after they have surveyed a little of life, marriage, parenting, joys and trials themselves. THEN... will the true test of your blended family 'bonding' efforts be seen for the truth.

Scripture shares in HEBREWS 12 : 14-15 ...

'...make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.'

If you are on the receiving end of negativity or some form of alienation or harsh words, be reminded that in Matthew Chapter 5, in the Beatitudes Christ shared 'blessed are the persecuted'. Some may say, 'you don't know'. We do. We've been there. Many have. It is a sad part of a broken culture we are working to reach out to and point upward. We can make a choice to trust God and let Him carry us all forward, or be stuck in the quagmire or the challenge of the week. Pray for the person coming against you. Pray for the children. Watch what God can do.

In a recent BLENDED FAMILY TODAY radio program, we focused on the concept of the "BITTER ROOT". We'd encourage you to listen to that podcast. You'll be blessed. If you are out there and struggling with a relationship, ask God for assistance. Ask Him to be IN YOUR HEART, not just conveniently AROUND when you need Him. Especially this springtime season, find your way out of the trap of being Bitter and Broken...and into God's way to get to BETTER AND BONDED.

Also...to read Zig Ziglar and Julie Ziglar Norman's outstanding new release "EMBRACE THE STRUGGLE", which is an inspirational read for blended families or anyone facing any kind of challenge... click here: http://ziglarmovies.com/embracethestruggle We're honored to say that the picture on the right we took and is in the brief video you see.

And please don't forget to visit our website at: www.THEBONDEDFAMILY.com

SEE and MEET JULIE ZIGLAR NORMAN live in Wichita at our BLENDED FAMILY CONFERENCE on Saturday May 1st. Click here for more information.

Remember...GOD CAN...
...take your stepfamily from Broken to Blended to Bonded.

So Keep Looking UP!

Upset and Angry about PAS? Turn It Over to God. HE can handle it much better than you.

2010-03-18T16:44:00.008-05:00

BLOG OVERTURN THE TABLES ON PARENTAL ALIENATION (PAS).
AMERICA MUST ADDRESS DISHONORABLE CO-PARENTS.
Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is real and an epidemic in America. Even Jesus upset the tables in the Temple about disrespect and deception.

If you are a regular reader of this blog, you know that we believe in "looking for the best in people" whether in your new marriage, your stepchildren, other people and especially... former spouses (the 'ex').

On our blog posts you are used to finding Encouragement, Hope, Patience, Perseverance and Biblical coaching in all circumstances. That's our heart. We coach 'take the high road', Trust God, be still and let Him handle most situations. We've seen God do mighty things when relationships or situations are turned over to Him. It's His promise that he will not let us down. 'Be strong and courageous' (Joshua 1:9) and trust in Him.

ONCE IN A WHILE we come across a situation so upsetting that we have a hard time not sharing in the hurt level for a person. We have to shake our heads and say 'ENOUGH!'.

Today, I simply want to give a little attention to a group trying to help those who are clearly being 'Targeted'. You WILL want to come back next post to hear the specifics of one TARGETED PARENT that we came across in our ministry and whose story has to be told.

We want to give a 'shout out' to an organization called TARGET PARENT SOCIETY. We are familiar with one of it's founders Christy Tusing-Borgeld. We've had her on our radio program. Heart of a giant, and truly wants to help families. TPS is something she cares about and wants to change the nation for the better. The goal of TARGET PARENT SOCIETY is to help all members of the extended family who may feel the wounds of alienation.
You'll often hear them speak and publish articles as the....
Target Parent Society - Children, Parents and Relatives Awareness

Rebecca and I have both studied in depth, and seen in our work, the impact and the long-term affect on children whee any form of indoctrination, parental alienation or 'thought-seeding' occurs. It is just basically abuse to the children and to their targeted parent. It damages a child's in their current relationships, but more-so their FUTURE RELATIONS.    Like there marriage and with their own children. Unless the American Psychological Assn and the Family Courts of our nation put a stop to this, we will have a generation of damaged relationships. It is a SERIOUS and REAL ISSUE in divorce and we see it weekly in our work with blended families.

TPS is on Facebook as well as their website is:    http://www.targetparentsyndrome.org/

At The Bonded Family, while we believe sometimes the 'bully on the playground' (an alienator) should be turn back to and told to stop... MOST IMPORTANTLY, we foremost believe we should turn it over to God, be still and smile with the clear knowledge that HE CAN handle it. Often that is so very hard to see when one is the 'Target' of alienation. It is good however to know you are not alone. The TARGET PARENT SOCIETY team helps people. Check out their site.

Wouldn't it be nice to simply KNOW that God was going to deal with a person who is willingly and intentionally seeking to harm a Father (or a Mother). The Commandment instructs us...Honor your Father AND your Mother.   Not choose just one. Or let someone denigrate or diminish or alienate until you stop honoring. If fact if you are reading this, and perhaps a grandparent, brother, sister, friend, co-worker of someone constantly alienating and working to take away relationships, then be a hero to those kids and tell them to stop.

We believe God will address the true alienators, as they truly are 'sinners'...against their children. Let's call it for what it is. It's a sin. We run into alienation or indoctrination in 60%+ of the families we work with that have spouses alive. It is sad. Our heart aches. We want them to KNOW they are not alone and God can and will handle it. It's a promise. God said it. It's written. What He says He'll do, He'll do.   It may not be in the time or manner that we may want to see, but God WILL handle the accountability for their actions, and WILL deliver the consequence.

Scripture's instruction to us is clear in Romans 12: 17-19

Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back, says the Lord.

It is often hard to take that to heart and live it. We have to remember...GOD'S IN CONTROL and HE'S NOT DONE. It just might bring a smile to your face to KNOW...that we don't have to deal with the injustice, the deliberate and willful attempt to diminish relationships with our children. God WILL handle that person. Often you will hear the alienator justify their behavior with words like 'best interest of the children'. Simply ask the question... 'OK, let's reverse the arrangements and situation for 6 months." We've never seen a single alienator that is willing to do that. That always shows their true heart, their true colors.

That's the key. Would an alienator reverse the roles? Then you see their heart of hearts.

There will be a PAGE TWO / PART TWO of this. You'll want to stay tuned.
A real life alienation story is included.

BLENDED FAMILY ENCOURAGEMENT - "THE 511"

2010-03-04T09:58:00.004-06:00

"THE 511"
Encouragement for Step-Families....
from a Terrific Coaching Manual

Last weekend we hosted another Blended Family Conference. We sometimes refer to them as 'B3 Conferences'. We want step-families TO SEE that GOD IS ABLE to take them 'from Broken to Blended to Bonded!'. Incredible couples in attendance. Gifted speakers that truly spoke to the hearts of those there.

It was Saturday morning early and I was reviewing in my mind my afternoon message. Was pondering... "how do I truly encourage and lift up these marriages and families?". Then I know the Lord 'plopped' into my heart, mind and soul (God has an awesome "Plopper" - the Holy Spirit), to look up a verse that 'plopped' to me about 'encouraging one another'.

So I get to the conference center - in this case the wonderful and supportive First Baptist Raytown, who provided tremendous support and assistance - and I grabbed my Bible. I knew that in the back of my Bible, in the blank pages, where I write down great scripture to remember, I had an 'encouragement' scripture.

What a 'terrific life coaching manual' the Bible is.

There it was 1st Thessalonians 5:11...

'Therefore encourage one another
and build each other up...'

Then it hit me. 1st Thessalonians 5:11. Shortened up... "THE 511". "THE 511"! We all know call 911 in an emergency, call 411 for information, some places 811 is for digging info, 311 in New York offers NY services and info. Some states do have 511 as road, roadside support or travel information. Well, that's pretty good for an analogy for the 'blended family journey' huh? We are on a journey. And our "511' can assist you on that blended family road to success, and simply stated... "THE 511" is...

Encourage one another. Build each other up. Don't our children truly need that? How about your spouses? It's been studied that for every one negative thing you say to a child, in most kids it takes ten positive affirmations or comments to strengthen back their spirits. Goes for spouse too. 10 to 1 ratio.

Often times we focus on the negative in our families. See the good. Plant 'seeds' that will grow goodness.

How about if you are a Grandparent or a relative in a step-family situation? Wouldn't it be powerful if you ENCOURAGED your son, daughter, sister, brother, niece, nephew, grandchild. Due to the often challenging dynamics of blended family life, a word to BUILD UP the spirit of another would be a GIANT GIFT.

We work with Grandparents a lot, give them discounts to attend our conferences. www.thebondedfamily.com/grandparents

Our Daughter Amanda, while hearing Dad pontificate on 'THE 511" drew the below sketch as she set with us last Sunday in our Blended Family Fellowship at church. We continue to be amazed at her 'eyes that see'. Her sketch below shares a cell phone on the left with the numbers 511 on it...and the words'... 'we are on a difficult road. We need to call the 511'.

I'd like to encourage you to read the entire Chapter Five of 1st Thessalonians. Only nineteen short verses. You'll find words that truly should be compelling for blended families. Words and phrases like 'self control' (wise counsel in the heat of a moment), 'be patient', 'be kind to each other', don't pay back wrong doing with wrong doing', 'God did not appoint us to suffer', 'Be joyful always', 'pray continually' and here is one to think about and take to heart...'give thanks in all circumstances'. Learn from the good and learn from the bad.

As part of your 'journey', we encourage you to continually reach out for resources like The Bonded Family and others. As Americans we strive to get better in work, in sports, in health, in many areas... SO... PAY ATTENTION HERE! Do it with your blended family life. It's the most important.

Encourage yourself to read, listen and learn about how to be the very best you can be and to create in your new family a spirit of T.E.N. - TOGETHERNESS, ENCOURAGEMENT and NURTURING. I'm not saying you'll be a 'Perfect 10 Family', yet if you simply strive to do those three... you're on your way!

Keep Looking UP!

DAN

P.S. If you know someone in the Wichita KS area in a blended family, and facing stepfamily challenges, send them to www.thebondedfamily.com to check out our Saturday May 1st Blended Family Conference, featuring Zig Ziglar's daughter Julie Ziglar Norman and her husband Jim, nationally recognized comedian J.J. Jasper, Russ and Jackie Jones, the Founders and Publishers of the Christian Press, Al and Kay Betz of Outfluence.com. Rebecca and I are excited to be joined by these talented and gifted speakers. Again for more information as to the topics and to register go to: www.thebondedfamily.com and click on the Wichita conference.

BLENDED FAMILY RELATIONSHIP GROWTH TIP #101: 'SEE THEM AS CHRIST SEES THEM'

2010-02-22T09:11:00.005-06:00

"SEE THEM AS CHRIST WOULD SEE THEM"

Each `human heart` (person) in a blended family will have, from time to time, a member of their family with whom they will be upset with, hurt by, even angry for some reason, whether justified or often not. Rarely is the first reaction 'I wonder what is hurting them?'... although that would certainly would lessen most escalations of struggles in relationships.

We all fall short at times as humans and thus upset feelings can be a common experience in blended families. Often our natural human weakness first thought is to fire back in response, attach blame, point a finger at someone, speak ill of them, say something hurtful that can`t be taken back, or worst of all, throw up our hands and say `I quit!'

When a child of divorce, or in a blended family, thinks of a parent - biological or non-biological parent (step-parent) - as `being unfair`, 'mistreating', or `hating them`, or even using those famous step-words 'you`re not my Mom/Dad!', they do so from a place of hurt. Often times, that thinking is a normal heart reaction of a youthful heart & their rationalization skills.

SIDEBAR IN DEFENSE OF CHILDREN: They've not yet grown up, nor are they emotionally equipped to see all sides of a situation. Their kids. Hey, they are not trying to save the world, help others and singing 'We are the World'... their world is themselves. :-) Those who have parented teenagers get that. Three word sentences, and a 'how's this affect me' attitude, is just plain normal growing up seasons of life, until we parents invest, impact their lives and share the 'Golden Rule' or other traits of unselfishness.

Your family may also be in a situation where one former spouse (`the ex`- for descriptive purposes only yet we don't like that word) works to undermine a relationship with a bio child, or consistently `reaches into` the new blended families home with comments about the home, the new marriage or most damaging of all, manipulating the minds of a child about you, your new spouse or family situation.

If as you've read this, you feel 'you've been there' as an adult or child...don`t beat yourself up... or feel sorry for yourself. In The Bonded Family ministry we say there is a 'No Cry Baby Zone', nobody gets to say "Whaaa! Whaaa! Somebody call the Whaaambulance!" You have about 150 million fellow Americans in the same situation and stumbling the same as you. :-) And you will get stronger if you turn it over to God.
He can handle. You can't most of the time or you wouldn't be reading this.

A Teaching Pastor / Author / Conference Speaker close friend and colleague of ours, Dr. Dan Erickson http://www.greateryes.com once shared with us one of the most powerful comments as to these situations, and how to 'view' the other person in the relationship.

"See them ...........
as Christ would see them."

Powerful words. Think on this. If we could view the situation, or the `human heart`, as Christ does as He looks down upon us from Heaven...might we pause...feel sorry and hurt for the person acting out or spewing hurtful words?

Might our new 'Christ-like' perspective cause us to act, speak and behave differently? If we could see these situations as God does, those hurtful words, comments or actions might be viewed as stemming from some wound deep in the heart. Christ sees the hurt and wounds and wants to comfort. We see the outward side that is creating havoc or pain in our world. 'See them as Christ would see them'.

See that child, your spouse, or even your former spouse as Christ would see them. Try praying for them.
It's hard to be mad at someone when you are praying for them. Ask God to reconcile, heal or change the dynamics of the relationship. Sometimes...that may take time. I had one man tell me "Dan, I believe you that God can move mountains, and change things, yet He must not know my ex-wife". As I laugh, I knew that can be true, but I also know God is in control and no army is stronger than His.

God knows the truth. We believe families can grow to be `bonded` if they `look up` and `trust` in a God who can handle all situations, overcome the common barriers we all face, climb most of the mountains and slay all the giants.

It is not easy always, but only through God can a step-family go from `broken to blended to Bonded`.

At The Bonded Family http://www.thebondedfamily.com/ we work with individuals and families and see hundreds of situations like this every year.

Remember, still time to REGISTER for the KANSAS CITY BLENDED FAMILY CONFERENCE.
Dr. Dan Erickson is one of the speakers, along with Julie Ziglar Norman, youngest daughter of Zig Ziglar.
She's joined by her husband Jim and their own blended family story is a special one. Al and Kay Betz travel from Washington DC, along with Patricia Plumb of the Forgiveness Institute and more. Rebecca and I would love to see you. $69 for 8 hours of coaching and encouragement and tips is the best investment you could make in your family.

It's 2010! Throw out and bury those OLD TAPES in Blended Families! Be Encouraged!

2010-01-11T05:23:00.002-06:00

IT IS YOUR FRESH START 2010!
THROW OUT THOSE OLD TAPES, OLD STORIES, OLD MESSAGES!
God doesn't make mistakes. Ask Him to renew you.
The past is past. His Grace and Mercy are new every morning!

We see much hope and encouragement for 2010. I believe it is embedded deep into every person's very being to appreciate 'fresh starts' when times have been challenging. God built us that way. To be OPTIMISTIC about our tomorrow's. To want to have the hope and expectation that we can and will rise up and break through a challenge. So, as we set forth into 2010...let's remember what....

SCRIPTURE ASSURES US...
'Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.'
LAMENTATIONS 3 : 22-23

Here's a shout out to those 1974 high school classmates with whom I shared 8 track tapes. Who could ever know that in 2009, I be warmly recalling and 'blogging' about Mike Behne's black and white Chevy Impala, hanging out with some 'best buddy names you ever have heard of' like "Behne", "Kozy", Scholzy", "Leroy" and "Doley", and that we drove around in listening to Bachman Turner Overdrive sing 'Takin' Care of Business'. On a eight track tape. Now...I am "Taking Care of GOD'S Business". We've come a LONG WAY from those days on the country roads of Nebraska. Miss those guys, but not our antics. Look up 'stinkin' thinkin' in a dictionary ...picture of us.

Sometimes 8 track tapes, reel to reel recorders and now even cassettes sometimes seen so out of date and irrelevant, that we laugh about them. Why can't we do that in life?

Often the wounds and brokenness of divorce carry over to the new marriage and fully discovering your 'fresh start' blended family joy. Often, historic, out-of-date opinions and 'commentary' from former spouses, or parents, or friends, at the workplace, or even churches keeps coming up. We 'hear' and let the 'old tapes', the old stories, the old messages dampen our spirit and our new family.

The "old tapes' messages come in the form of 'well, she'll never change' or 'he's a loser', 'he can't handle being a Dad' or 'she won't last with that guy' or 'he's always late' or 'that step-parent never plays with the kids' or 'teacher, call me, cause he'll forget' or whatever those 'old tape' sounds like.

They are not YOU. Maybe it's the OLD YOU...but YES YOU CAN start anew. We believe in YOU! God believes in YOU!

We say at The Bonded Family..."Throw out those OLD TAPES".
God offers you a fresh start.

Don't let your past cloud your future. Make amends. Say your sorry where you need to. Call your former spouse, children, friends, whomever and ask for peace. Foremost Pray and truly ask God for forgiveness and trust in His rue and faithful promise of a second chance. God is the place to go for second chances. Some of us He gives so many chances we wonder just how big is our loving God. Grace is amazing. We are going to make mistakes. Only Christ was perfect. God's promises are real. Count on them.

Become the NEW you. Don't beat yourself up over "old tapes". Throw out the 'old ways' and make your life an iPod-like exciting new message. Then 'download' positive and encouraging messages from the Bible.
What you put into your mind and heart is the direction you will take. What you read, listen to and take in is BIG. Take God's word into your heart. We encourage you for 21 days to pray daily, more like three times a day for your marriage and family. THEN...WATCH WHAT HAPPENS! You WILL SEE great and wonderous things...and say 'Wow! How'd that happen?'

satan (never give evil a capital letter) wants you to fail. Remember John 10:10 'the evil one comes to hurt, kill and destroy, but I (Christ) have come that you might have LIFE and have it more abundantly'. Take this to heart. Don't let the enemy get you to hear in your heart, mind and soul that your aren't worthy of God's love, His promise of a new day, and the creation of a new and WONDERFUL FAMILY!

In closing...these words from scripture grabbed people's hearts for centuries as much as they were made for YOU this very day to hear.

"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come." 2 Corithians 5 : 17

You ARE a NEW creature. The old (tapes) are gone! Rejoice.

For Coaching from a member of The Bonded Family team, as a 'fresh start 2010 kickoff' we are offering a special Blended Family Coaching Program. For $90, we'll extend a survey for your 'Today We Start Fresh' review and analysis, one 40 minute get acquainted visit and 3 follow-up coaching session for 20 minutes each. Total coaching time 100 minutes for $90. We'll listen, assess, encourage, suggest practical ideas and pray together.
This is a limited offer to the first 10 couples who desire blended family coaching.
Write us at info@thebondedfamily.com for more information.

Blended Families - Just Play YOUR BEST!

2009-12-21T18:04:00.010-06:00

Stepfamilies, Just Play Your Best For One Another!
IT'S WHAT THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY DID.

Do you have a favorite Christmas song? One that as a child you really loved? I did. The LITTLE DRUMMER BOY. Loved it!

This last week, Trace Thurlby, a friend and solid man of God was sharing a Christmas message to a luncheon group and he put the Drummer Boy song into special perspective. I immediately thought 'Hey there's a message in their for blended families too!'.

Trace said...'listen to the lyrics of the carol'. The words stood out as a thought to share with you, our blended family readers, to share encouragement and hope and inspiration. Inspiration from the Little Drummer Boy.

Come they told me, pa rum pum pum pum
A new born King to see, pa rum pum pum pum
Our finest gifts we bring, pa rum pum pum pum

Little Baby, pa rum pum pum pum
I am a poor boy too, pa rum pum pum pum
I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum
That's fit to give the King, pa rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Shall I play for you, pa rum pum pum pum, On my drum?

Mary nodded, pa rum pum pum pum
The ox and lamb kept time, pa rum pum pum pum
I played my drum for Him, pa rum pum pum pum
I played my best for Him, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Then He smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum Me and my drum.

Sometimes the holiday season can be challenging for blended families. Everyone wants to have time, and relationships. The dynamics of multiple houses can create emotions and conflicts for schedules. We also strive to make sure that gifts to children are special and memorable so the kids come away happy. We're sometimes called to balance any step-sibling rivalries. The extra efforts can place undue stress on marriages and families. It truly is a God-sized challenge that indeed requires seeking His wisdom in all things.

Remember, you are not alone if the 'other parents' house doesn't share well, or there is 'gift competitiveness'. Remember that Little Drummer Boy? He gift was merely playing his drum, while the "King's" brought lavish gifts to the baby Jesus. In stepfamilies, one house may try to be the "king", the better gift giver, or be the 'primary' house. A parent trying to be a 'better than you' parent is truly showing their insecurity. A fundamental position of any truly strong and great parent is..."It's okay to love both houses." Encouraging relationships with the other home makes you the parent to be admired.

Be the Drummer Boy...Play your Best!

Also...work to see these family dynamics throught the eyes of the children. One child may be unable to feel they received an equal gifting. Or they may act out of pressure from another parent. Seek to remember they are not equipped as adults are to filter out all the situations. So be patient with them. Again, God is not done with them or your relationships.

We stand by the coaching to always follow the "Golden Rule". Don't participate in 'stinking thinking'. You're children are watching. They will remember whether you were honorable, or dealt with someone they love dishonorably. We have coached families with children who, now in their twenties and thirties, have turned around on the alienating parent for costing them childhood relationships and memories. It can be very hurtful and hard for the targeted parent to walk through dishonorable behavior toward them 'during' the lost time, yet always remember...GOD IS NOT DONE.

And just focus on...Playing your Best!
When you think you have nothing to give...Play your Best!
It's what the Little Drummer Boy - who had nothing - did.

We encourage all blended families parents, and even grandparents, to be strong and to not let these dynamics affect who we are and 'Whose' we are. God loves us, loves our families and wants joy in this season. He knows the Truth. Remember, your kids love you. They are kids, not adults. They more than likely just want school's out fun and memories.

So let's ask God to whisper gently to 'be like that Little Drummer Boy'.

I played my best for Him, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Then He smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum
Me and my drum.

Just "PLAY YOUR BEST"....
...in your behavior, patience and creating the good memories.

For more tips on Blended Family Holiday ideas visit our recent radio broadcast at: http://blendedfamilies.podomatic.com

Celebrating Our Special and Historic VICTORIES in Blended Families

2009-12-02T12:54:00.021-06:00

CELEBRATE YOUR HISTORY! MARK IT!
You'll Remember It When Looking Back.

Bob White, a great friend, is a very special man of God who helps us lead our Sunday Blended Family Fellowship at First Baptist Raytown in Raytown MO recently commented about how often times they are special or historic events in stepfamily life. Times when you see real breakthroughs or victories in relationships. We were then discussing Moses and Joshua and how they would 'mark' the occasion when they had a key memory for their people. Right away I thought...'Good Word Bob!' and knew I had to blog about this for all of us to take into our hearts.

In Old Testament times, the people of Israel, upon a victory in a battle, or a special event would build of stone a memorial or marker, sometimes referred to as a stele. They placed together stones, or created an altar where they sacrificed an animal as part of a ritual of giving thanks. This was done in remembering what GOD HAD DONE in the lives of His people. They knew He had brought them through the trial.

They did so for the purpose of 'marking' the moment or time. So years or decades later, the 'history' could be marked that indeed the Lord had been good and brought them through a challenge or delivered His grace and power and might for just the right occasion.

Examples were when being chased by the Pharoah and the Egyptians, God led Moses to stand and raise his hands and staff and how God made the Red Sea part and allow His people to walk across, later crushing with water the Egyptians as they followed. Also, after Joshua led the people into the chosen land they marked with stones the twelve tribes. These stories can be found in scripture.

HOW DO WE APPLY TO BLENDED FAMILIES YOU SAY???

As we have seen in our family, often times God will allow a significant event, victory, challenge or dynamic to be overcome in our family. We all have them. It could be a relationship or trust breakthrough. A truthful sharing of a hurt or wound or hidden thought that a child shares with you and you grow closer. It could be a family story that you will all remember as significant in the bonding of your family. Maybe a family vacation that bonded the stepfamily closer to God and each other. Maybe a moment in a relationship with God for a family member.

We suggest creating some form of 'marker' or 'memory' of that particular victory or season you passed through by the grace of God. Perhaps something you hand make. Maybe pick up a rock of some size and write something on it, a date, a memory, whatever and keep it somewhere like a garden or pathway or somewhere it can be seen occasionally. Maybe it's a scripture plaque or small statue from a bookstore where you could write on the bottom the date and 'special victory'.

We have many of these types of 'markers' around our home. Often, we even forget what's on the back of a picture hanging on the wall, or a small figurine or statue. Then by chance when we come across it and read the date and note, we truly feel the power of God and how he brought us out of our deserts and into His promises.

The point is...celebrate and give thanks to God when you see your family make it through a particular tough challenge.

Visit our website at: www.thebondedfamily.com
Listen to our BLENDED FAMILY TODAY podcasts at:
www.thebondedfamily.com/radioarchives

If you'd like to have us speak at your church or organization, or lead us to a church that might want to host a Blended Family Conference, write us at: info (at) thebondedfamily.com

BOTT RADIO NETWORK and CHRISTIAN RADIO + + + A BLESSING TO BLENDED FAMILIES

2009-11-03T12:37:00.014-06:00

BRN...a nationwide Bible teaching broadcaster.
'FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS'...in your family...
CHRISTIAN RADIO PROVIDES THE TRUTH.
Encouragement and the Challenge we need to Keep Looking UP!

In my part-time role serving as Director of Public Affairs for the Kansas City stations I am blessed to often get to share also about our work with stepfamilies via The Bonded Family. We are thankful for a partnership for families with Bott Radio Network.

Recently in speaking to a Pastor's Appreciation Dinner in Kirksville MO for the BRN station there, I was blessed to hear over and over the impact of God's word upon hearts.

One thing Rebecca and I know for our house, and also from many others we work with on the trail to 'bonding' families to Christ, Christian radio is a strong and mighty tower to keeping families on track. God's promise are real. His Word is sound.

Dick and Sherley Bott, and their son Rich Bott, now have launched over 80+ stations across America. Also heard 24/7 on the internet at www.bottradionetwork.com the messages of hope and trusting in God are ongoing. BLENDED FAMILIES NEED THE LORD'S STEADYING HAND AND WISDOM. The Bible is still the 'best selling' instruction manual in the world today. There is a reason for that. Discover it.

And when you don't have time to spend in the Word, we encourage you to listen to Christian radio like Bott Radio Network. Your family with be blessed by the messages and lessons shared by many of America's top Bible teachers and speakers.

Until next post....KEEP LOOKING UP!

DAN

Listen to BLENDED FAMILY TODAY podcasts at:
www.thebondedfamily.com/radioarchives

ZIG ZIGLAR FAMILY SPECIAL GUEST THIS SUNDAY on BLENDED FAMILY TODAY radio!

2009-09-30T07:43:00.007-05:00

TOM ZIGLAR, CEO of Ziglar Corporation, and JULIE ZIGLAR NORMAN, joined by her husband JIM NORMAN, will be SPECIAL GUESTS on BLENDED FAMILY TODAY.

We are honored to have 'America's Family' on the program Sunday October 4th. Zig Ziglar has inspired, encouraged and motivated America to serve one another for years. His son Tom and daughter Julie continue the legacy through their work.
ZIG ZIGLAR was gracious enough to do a promo for this Sunday's show. We put some pictures of Zig and and tribute to him together on this YouTube video.Our YouTube site is www.youtube.com/blendedfamilies

Visit www.thebondedfamily.com/blendedfamilyradio for more information on how to listen. Email us at radio@thebondedfamily.com

WEBTALK WITH BOB - Can a Radio Program Really Bond Your Blended Family? YES!

2009-08-22T15:17:00.017-05:00

BOARD GAMES can be 'KEYBOARD' GAMES...and a way to BOND.

As you know, we encourage some form of group activity for blended families a lot. Board games, Wii, Checkers, Monopoly, Chess... anything that allows for a focused time of being a teammate or allowing for good, clean, common rules, fun competition.

Another place we've found is the computer keyboard and mouse. Most kids or grandkids like 'making AND spending money'. We've found a way for that...and it can become 'bonding' time. Create an start up small web business together and follow it's progress together as you 'build and bond' a small entrepreneurship together.

There is a weekly radio program available (each Thursday 3 PM CST) called WEBTALK WITH BOB. Bob Sherwood, the hosts offers a fun listener experience as he encourages everyone to be 'Web Ready', and he provides tips and examples of how to get 'Web Ready'. Bob INFORMS, EDUCATES AND INSPIRES people to see how actually easy it can be to create a small website that can actually make money.

WEBTALK WITH BOB podcasts can be heard and they not only offer educational value for any age, but they also open a 'window' of opportunity for bonding.
Bob Sherwood challenges people to explore the opportunities on the web to 'take their passion and turn it into a web business'.

We applaud Bob Sherwood / WEBTALK WITH BOB and join him in this 'challenge'. It's to parents, older brothers and sisters, or grandparents. Invest an hour a week helping a family member start a small website that offers either some product or service to sell. Or using methods learned on WEBTALK WITH BOB, become an affiliate of companies that sell products or services of items the particular age group might be buying.

In most families, often a hobby exists, or someone holds an artistic skills or expertise. If your children are into sports or music, almost every sports or music site offers some form of 'affiliate' programs Bob speaks about. If people / teammates / players buy from the site, you get a small commission, say 5% to sometimes 15%. As we said, why not let you kids earn some spending money AND learn how to be 'WEB READY' all at once. Visit www.webtalkwithbob.com There are archives / podcasts of the programs that speak to 'affiliates', or 'Clickbank' or other ways to make money on the internet.

They key is really the 'doing the start up small web business together'. Cheering each other on! Seeing a check for maybe $45 a month, then $70, then higher. Bigger than the cash...you've created a memory and a bond.

LISTEN EACH THURSDAY to WEBTALK WITH BOB. In Kansas City it's on KCTE 1510 AM from 3PM to 4 PM or it can be heard live via streaming audio at www.1510.com click Listen Live button.

We know of WEBTALK WITH BOB and Bob Sherwood through KCTE 1510 AM, the station that each Sunday morning our own radio program is on. BLENDED FAMILY TODAY is on Sunday's 8 AM to 9 AM. Likewise wherever you are you can hear it via: www.1510.com

KEEP LOOKING UP ! God is smiling at you and wants you to find joy in Him.

www.thebondedfamily.com

PAT WILLIAMS, Orlando Magic Sr. VP on BLENDED FAMILY TODAY

2009-08-19T16:54:00.002-05:00

BLENDED FAMILY TODAY Radio Program

2009-07-21T15:13:00.002-05:00

Hi everyone, Here's a link to our BLENDED FAMILY TODAY radio program podcast:
http://blendedfamilies.podOmatic.com
See you there! - - Dan & Rebecca

Radio Program for Blended Families

2009-05-22T10:07:00.007-05:00

THE BONDED FAMILY begins Radio Ministry
BLENDED FAMILY TODAY is now a blog and radio show.
J.J. JASPER, Christian Comedian and Blended Family Dad this week!

Join us for what is sure to be the most joy and fun-filled program of the year. WE GUARANTEE BELLY LAUGHS!

This Sunday, May 24th, Memorial Day weekend at 8 am CST, J.J. Jasper will be our guest. You know J.J. as a morning radio show host for American Family Radio, heard globally via www.afr.net. J.J. travels the country providing great, clean and belly laugh generating humor. You'll hear some on BLENDED FAMILY TODAY this weekend.

Visit J.J. Jasper website at: (what else??) www.jjjasper.com

To listen to program in Kansas City metro area, tune to 1510 AM. Worldwide (tell your friends in blended families) you can hear it via streaming audio LIVE at www.1510.com then click LISTEN LIVE button.

If you have a question you want answered, or want to support the radio program, write us at radio@thebondedfamily.com

OUR TOPIC THIS WEEK FOR THE SHOW: "VACATING" (vacations), FUN and FAMILY LAUGHTER are a gift from God to help you BOND as a step-family. You'll love this show. Great preparation for summer schedules.

Visit our radio program archives at: http://blendedfamilies.podomatic.com
OR...merely use the below resource:

BGRANDPARENTS May 3rd, 2009 - GUEST Dr. Dan Erickson BLEN...

The Bonded Family Ministry Podcast

OUTFLUENCE Author and The Bonded Family Friend Al Betz Wins National Award

2009-04-02T07:56:00.019-05:00

OUTFLUENCE's Nationally Recognized Author, Speaker and Friend to The Bonded Family named 'Author of the Month' for April.

As Rebecca and I are always on the outlook for people, books, ideas and resources to serve blended families, we came across in 2008, a gifted and gracious man Al Betz, who had written a book called OUTFLUENCE a Better Way to Influence.

As you pray and search for ways to help your blended family grow and 'bond' together, I am sure you find encouragement often when you discover something special. God is a God of 'no coincidences'. He can line up chance meetings and events. Have your 'antenna' up and watching for God's hand in your lives, your marriage, your children and for your blended family. Keep in communication with God daily through prayer, and just 'watch' and 'observe' what happens.

Al Betz was indeed a 'no coincidence' that we see God had aligned. To serve others. To help us serve blended families. Marriages and children. Sometimes you meet people and think it's God's amazing favor that you met them.

In the Old Testament, the book of Habakkuk, Chapter 1, Verse 5...

Look among the nations! Observe!
Be astonished! Wonder!
Because I am doing something in your days--
You would not believe if you were told.
Habakkuk 1:5 (NASB)

Habakkuk, a little known prophet who only has three chapters and is often missed in the Bible. It's in the Old Testament, go to the book of Nahum, and take a right. Kind of like the 'under the radar' demographic of blended families....nobody often notices or cares....(but God does). Habakkuk cried out to God in his frustration with the way things were going in 'his land'. Just like we want to cry out when things get tough in 'our land'. We encourage, keep looking up, trusting God, watch and be amazed... and as that saying you often hear in the world actually came from the Bible... God can show you things 'that you would not believe, even if you were told'. Trust in Him for your family.

Back to meeting Al Betz. As you are reading this, stop and think about in 2008, who is someone you think was placed in your life by God to encourage, motivate, share interests with and just overall have you remember to recognize the blessing from the Lord and lift up a prayer saying 'thanks Lord, for aligning our path to meet this person.' Also to that person it's important to let them know you appreciate them by sharing 'I'm so thankful we met'. For us, Al and Kay Betz are friends like that.

The OUTFLUENCE book is written for both secular and faith-based audiences, business and personal, young and old, and is filled with the clear foundation of what we came to see in Al and Kay. Their hearts, intentions and spirit is to serve. To be 'servant leaders'. From the first email and phone exchanges, we discussed that it 'wasn't by coincidence' that God aligned our steps and that we could blend our resources to serve families. Stay tuned in 2009 to see how OUTFLUENCE may serve you as blended families.

AL BETZ was named Author of the Month for April 2009 for his work on OUTFLUENCE by Business Summaries. Business Summaries is an outstanding service to help people, businessmen or families, who are busy and on the go, catch the basics and key points of new books that are popular reads. Nationally recognized authors and leaders have book summarized there.

Author of the Month for April 2009: AL BETZ (here's what they wrote)To read interview with BizSum.com, CLICK HERE.

Learn more about Al, purchase OUTFLUENCE, sign up for his "Pearls" messages by going to www.outfluenceonline.com

And as always...keep trusting that GOD CAN take your step-family 'from Broken to Blended to Bonded!'.

We (Wii) Are Family ! GAMES TOGETHER Can Raise Up Blended Family Life! Even improve VISION!

2008-12-22T08:30:00.016-06:00

A VIDEO GAME THAT WEAVES A BLENDED FAMILY TOGETHER!
Wii CAN MAKE BLENDED FAMILY TIME BONDING TIME.

There is all kinds of research that set forth caution and warning of too much video game time for youth. Likewise I've read studies that the games can actually help in some cases mental quickness and acuity. XBox, PSP, PS2, Wii, Nitendo DS and others do seem to grab a large slice of America's children's attention. Many parents limit video game and TV time, and that is wise counsel.

It's Christmas time. More opportunity to bond as a family. Use it or lose it. We encourage you to make the best of the time together.

At The Bonded Family we enthusiastically suggest blended family game time. Treasure the time. Plan for it. Let it be a special time unique to your family. A TRADITION for your family. Perhaps play a game prior to a Family Summit time (we talk about this in conferences). Use the time as a catalyst to unity and fun. Sometimes everyone 'playing' together can help bring down 'strongholds'.

We believe a family that plays together and prays together....... will stay together.

The Bible holds solid counsel to check where our treasures, our hearts, our eyes and our spirit's are. Attitude is everything. Trust God to change hearts and attitudes.

In Matthew 6, verses 21 and 22 holds a message to blended families. To treasure one another by 'seeing' one another and the 'whole body' of the new blended family with good eyes, not critical or negative eyes.

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light."
MATTHEW 6 : 21-22

God provides an important message to any age family member there. Parents and Children. Where are our eyes focused?? Importantly in the Christmas season, or any holiday time, we'd like to encourage with this message and include Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles or other people who sometimes impact thinking. If our EYES work to 'look for the good' instead of the shortcomings or flaws, then the 'whole body' of the new family will be more filled with happiness.

In our household, and we have heard from others, that video games that include many family members - children and adults - actually brings laughter, joy, teamwork, playing honorably,fun rivalries and foremost... BONDING MEMORIES.

We own a Wii game. Four controllers, means four people at once. (We are not endorsing one 'system' over another just complementing Nitendo Wii for it's games and inclusive ability) Besides enjoying and seeing via family game time that I still posess "age defying lightning quickness" -- hmmm...along with humility? :-) -- we so enjoy the laughter and joy that comes from the 'time together'. There is nothing better than high fives and belly laughter to bring people together. That is the key...the TIME TOGETHER. TIME TOGETHER can equal BONDING MEMORIES.

Now...there can sometimes be reluctant participants mostly spirit of the heart, stubborness, fear, etc. Pretty much anything the evil one can muster against your family. Look UPward and ask God, then look INward and see what your heart holds.

Remember John 10:10 (grab your Bible and check it out). satan wants to take out your family, wants to hurt you and destroy your family life. YOU CAN WIN THIS BATTLE. Jesus came that we might have Life! And He means for us all - when we trust in Him - blended family life!

At The Bonded Family we offer conferences, coaching, content and communication. If you wish to start recieving regular communication from us, please register below:

For Email Marketing you can trust

WASHINGTON DC AND FAITH-BASED FUNDING FOR BLENDED FAMILY EDUCATION

2008-12-21T14:38:00.010-06:00

VOTE FOR CONSIDERATION OF FAITH-BASED INITIATIVE FUNDING FOR BLENDED FAMILY EDUCATIONAL EFFORTS

We always seek to further the awareness of the challenges often faced in blended family life. President Bush started the FAITH-BASED INITIATIVES program and funding arena. President-elect Obama has expressed publically that he sees the value and believes in the work of ministries that are making a difference in America.

Rarely do we reach into Washington DC, yet we do always encourage people to vote and make their voices heard. That is part of good citizenship that all parents should encourage their families to be a part of.

Presently, even the U.S. Census doesn't even specifically track step-families in America. They do not extend exacting questions. Awareness of the uniqueness of situations is important to improving the nation.

We join a host of other organizations nationally, whether faith-based or secular, encouraging the government to become more aware of the unique family dynamics and situations of step-families, and consider them in funding programs that educate and improve society. We do know of Congressmen who have extended an ear to hearing more.

We have worked with the Faith-Based Initiatives office in Washington DC, and know they hold interest in step-family programs. We simply would like to see that continue.

Click below and vote.

Blended Family - HOPE + The Will to Win!

2008-11-27T14:41:00.017-06:00

Family Experience, Sports, HOPE and Faith...
Pat Williams Knows Blended Families !

To find success and blessings in your Blended Family...observe, listen and learn from those who have proven the ability to rise up, and are sharing their success. Watch for the level of PERSEVERANCE AND HOPE in their hearts. A 'Will to Win' that comes from God, because the trust is in God instruction, not man's.

We have experienced in our own family great joy at times... and... due to the normal dynamics step-families often face... we have experiences some trying times. Be encouraged. That's normal. Be strong and courageous. Trust God. You will get through it.

Romans 5, verses 3 to 5 reminds and encourages us when times get tough... "...but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." .... ROMANS 5 : 3-5

I had the privilege to spend some time and get to know Pat Williams in 2005 during a Ministry Conference that he spoke at. Pat Williams is the Executive Vice President of the Orlando Magic Basketball team, an author of 50 books, AND in a blended family. I didn't realize prior to that visit with Pat that he, through re-marriage and adoption, had walked through the dynamics of large families and is a terrific Father to 19 children. A truly encouraging and entertaining book for a fun read is You've Got to Be Kidding!: Real-Life Parenting Advise from a Mom and Dad of Nineteen Find it and buy this book at our online Bookstore for The Bonded Family

We spent time talking about our ministry - The Bonded Family - and our heart and passion for serving Blended Families. Our vision is to have Pat Williams one day speak at a major conference. Pat Williams understands step-family life. He has experience bringing together children from different backgrounds and circumstances. He also, foremost, knows that FAITH is the key principle to instill into a FAMILY.

Faith best can provide the 'will to win'...because the 'Head Coach' - the Lord God Almighty knows the best ways to win. The Bible is the 'instruction manual'. It is THE BOOK. Pat Williams knows 'the Book' (Bible) If you also reference and dig into THE INSTRUCTION BOOK...you'll soon rejoice in knowing that we always win in the end. Your family can too. Do not quit. That ROMANS 5 :3-5 Scripture will come to life. Watch out for discouragement... the evil one wants you to fail...God wants you to succeed in your new family relationships. We do too. Listen to this video clip from Pat...and be encouraged!

Pat Williams website is http://www.patwilliamsmotivate.com/
We encourage you to check it out. Pat is a man who loves the Lord, his family, and those around him. He is grounded and gifted and wants to encourage others. You will be blessed by any of his books.

Also, visit our blended family ministry site when time allows. www.thebondedfamily.com

If your church or community would like to host a B3 Conference - from Broken to Blended to Bonded - contact us at info@thebondedfamily.com

God Can Refresh Blended Families!

2008-10-23T10:00:00.009-05:00

Rain Refreshed the Morning Sky.
GOD CAN Refresh Your Blended Family!

This morning as I was driving, I noticed the crispness of the air, the sparkle of the morning as the sun was rising. The clouds were parting. The sun was shining brightly through. It was a 'Wow' type moment. The previous night's heavy rain had cleansed the atmosphere. It reminded me of the promise that God's mercies are new every morning. That HE can shine brightly through the step-family struggles of life. If we trust Him and seek Him.

Just then the song 'Who Am I' by Casting Crowns came on. The video is below. There I was, smiling, singing, basking in the new morning sun and the song. I was pumped up. God was giving me a special encouragement treat that moment.

Be still for one moment. Focus on the words of this song.
BE BIGTIME ENCOURAGED !

WHO AM I? That God would care to help me through my struggles. Catch ME when I'm falling. Know my hurts and troubles. Care. Want to be there for me?

At The Bonded Family we work with families all over the country to set forth HOPE and ENCOURAGEMENT through growing in one's faith and trust in God. Given the current economic challenges, the struggles are heightened. Now, more than ever, there needs to be a Rock to stand on.

God is the best way to take a step-family...from Broken to Blended to Bonded. If we BOND to God, lift up our issues to Him, it is easier to see the 'new morning sun' and understand it. No, all the trials, challenges, hurts, struggles and pain won't just go away. We understand that. Rebecca and I still feel weekly the fallout and the consequences of family life apart from how God had originally planned for it. What you can be assured in, is that His plan for us, for you and your family, is a good one if we ask Him to help us in our new circumstances. This I can tell you. I am weak. HE is strong. If the worldly solutions were the better answer, why would the divorce rate in step-families hover at 70%, while the divorce rate of husbands and wives that pray TOGETHER daily be less than 10%. Do the math. :-) Trust the Lord.

God is the God of second chances. We can focus on the trouble, or Him. It's like as a child playing tag, and there is a base to run to where you are 'safe'. God is that 'base', He is the Rock. His Word is true. His promises real. His strength and protection are there if you call upon Him. He is in the fresh start business. The miracle business. We have seen it. We have lived it. YOU CAN TOO.

BELIEVE AGAIN ! Visit us at www.thebondedfamily.com

If you have friends or family in step-family situations in NW Arkansas... call them and tell them about Nov 14 and 15th. See next blogpost about the National Center for Fathering Championship Fathering Conference.

Dads in Blended Families - NW Arkansas

2008-10-03T15:28:00.026-05:00

Blended Family / Step-Family Dads Need Encouragement.
NW Arkansas Championship Fathering Partnership.

The National Center for Fathering is hosting a CHAMPIONSHIP FATHERING event in Northwest Arkansas on November 14th and 15th at Christian Life Cathedral in Fayetteville Arkansas.

I am blessed to speak frequently to groups about blended family dynamics on a national level and the impact it is having on families in our country. God is opening doors to allow Rebecca and I, through The Bonded Family to continue to offer resources, encouragement and hope that we can see is impacting lives in our nation.
The recent 'economic crisis' only places more stress upon families. Blended Families then can be sometimes doubly impacted because their lives are touched by multiple homes and financial stress situations. God's strength, courage, patience and understanding only becomes a greater need in times like this. Through our efforts in partnership with the American Blended Family Association we are raising the level of awareness. God is also providing a path to serve through that, that may have not been available.

Another great group we partner with is the National Center for Fathering. Carey Casey is the CEO there and is doing mighty work across the nation. Through their CHAMPIONSHIP FATHERING Experience and conferences Dads lives - their families too - are being changed. I am blessed to be Carey's friend and a partner in seeking to serve Dads and families as the National Center for Fathering provides super resources for Dads, Single Dads and Step-Dads.

For blended family life and fatherhood, the combination of NCF efforts and our own efforts seeks to provide encouragement to Dads. 'Dads in Challenging Situations' (Divorced Dads, Single Dads, Step-Dads,etc) is an excellent session during the special Championship Fathering event. It is exciting to see God move in these Dads hearts. If you are in a 'challenging situation', you will come away blessed and feeling more able to face those dynamics and challenges unique to you. God has allowed me to 'take a mess and turn it into His message' of hope and encouragement.

FOR THE MRS....'The Power of the Parenting Team' session is Friday night and we encourage Wives and Moms to join the men for this fun and educational 'Date Night'.

TO SIGN UP FOR THE FAYETTEVILLE EVENT OR FOR MORE INFORMATION: www.fathers.com

Yes You Can FIREPROOF your Blended Family ! Great Movie Coming Soon !

2008-07-17T15:43:00.010-05:00

What will be one of the most memorable and marriage blessing movies in a long time will be released on September 26th, 2008... FIREPROOF.

FIREPROOF the movie is from the creators of 'Facing the Giants'. The Bonded Family is planning in Kansas City and Wichita special FIREPROOF showings via a 'Fireproof My Blended Family' special ticket arrangements.

Starring Kirk Cameron and Erin Bethea as a couple on the verge of breakdown, only to see God work mightily in their marriage. Enough said. You must see and feel this marriage, then let God do the rest. Together, you can make a long-term difference in your family relationships and marriage … starting with yours!

Visit the official movie website NOW: http://www.fireproofthemovie.com/main.php

To learn more about the Kansas City FIREPROOF MY BLENDED FAMILY write us at: info@thebondedfamily.com

As we always say...and this movie will tie into the message...
GOD CAN...take a step-family...From Broken to Blended to BONDED!

www.thebondedfamily.com

Blended Families? Do your struggles seem big to you? Wonder if God know about it? Does He care? Can God help my step-family?

2008-07-06T21:26:00.006-05:00

Blended Families...does the 'size and scale' of your problems and challenges seem very big? Please know...our problems are tiny compared to the universe.

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"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. I tell you, whoever acknowledges me before men, the Son of Man will also acknowledge him before the angels of God. But he who disowns me before men will be disowned before the angels of God." LUKE 12: 6-9 Remember not only does God know and love the smallest of sparrows, but He knows ever hair on your head...every planet in every universe...and handles it all. HE is God. He knows what you are reading right now here. What you are thinking. God CAN handle your step-family trials and hurts and challenges and struggles...and answer your prayers. We must ACKNOWLEDGE and TRUST in that.

Bring a B3 Conference to your community or church. Contact us at info@thebondedfamily.com Visit our website at www.thebondedfamily.com

BLESS YOU !
Your Blended Family universe and YOU can rotate around God and be on track.

GOD CAN...take a step-family...
FROM BROKEN TO BLENDED TO BONDED !

Blended Family Marriage Training --- Invest Pennies Upfront vs. $100 Bills Later

2008-06-22T19:34:00.026-05:00

INVEST PENNIES UPFRONT...
"Listen to counsel and accept discipline, That you may be wise the rest of your days. Many plans are in a man's heart, But the counsel of the LORD will stand."
PROVERBS 19 : 20-21

YOU MAY SAVE HUNDREDS..

Some of you may remember that old television commercial where the man says "you can pay me now...or pay me later" inferring that doing it right upfront is the best way to go. We speak that same thought as we encourage you to...
LET GOD LEAD THE WAY...in your Blended Family.

BY THE TIME YOU FINISH READING THIS...one out of three step-family's will stumble, lose hope, give up, fail and get divorced. We do NOT want that to be YOUR FAMILY. Let's together turn around a mess, and turn it into a message of God's strength.

Often times, step-families wait until AFTER the challenges start to seek any counsel or help or ideas or wisdom. It isn't about money, it's about hearts and relationships. But spending a $150 for a weekend conference for step-family training vs. $3,000 or more for months of counseling just makes common sense. We say be like a Boy Scout...'Be Prepared'.

On our website at www.thebondedfamily.com we speak to our current trend in American culture. About how 'SOMEBODY HAS SWITCHED THE PRICE TAGS.' What we should value as highest, our family...we spend little time and money preparing or finding out the 'best practices' in the stepfamily arena.

In America today people study, research, 'do their homework' on:
-- cars
-- 'best practices' and the latest innovations for their business
-- plasma or LCD TV's
-- sports camps for the kids
-- vacation destinations or locations
-- stocks, mutual funds, financial tools
-- companies to go to work for
-- or even GPS devices that 'show us the way on the journey'

We spend hours and days investing to make sure we 'get it right'.
YET...when people are about to step into a 'life-long' commitment with their new family...a step-family scenario that is known to hold challenges...we see people just go get the marriage license.

Our hope what and we encourage - and are encouraging government to likewise encourage those seeking a license - is to invest some 'pennies' upfront... so they can find ways to avoid 'hundreds of dollars' at a counselor or worse yet attorneys.
The divorce rate for re-marriage is over 70% within 5 1/2 years. Spend the pennies. Save the hundreds. Find the joy. See God's goodness and power in your family.

Our hope is that in the near future blended family / step–family couples will see that one of the greatest wedding gifts they can give themselves, and their children, is to invest in a 'date weekend' with a faith-based blended family seminar or conference. It will be 'the romantic thing to do'. Doesn't have to be at one of our conferences from The Bonded Family, there are many good ones out there.

A blended family pre-marriage, and then post marriage program, should be as much a part of the new family as going on vacation. The peace, joy, relief, understanding, sharing and experience you will gain will 'feel' like the joy of vacation.

We would suggest that one of the GREATEST GIFTS A GRANDPARENT CAN GIVE...would be a REGISTRATION fee to a conference somewhere for their soon to be married son or daughter...know matter how old they are. Then you truly, as /Parents/Grandparents, are INVESTING in the health and welfare of your Grandchildren and Children.

In 1 TIMOTHY 4:6...scripture tells us "If you point these things out to the brothers, you will be a good minister of Christ Jesus, brought up in the truths of the faith and of the good teaching that you have followed."

To learn more about our work ... write us at info@thebondedfamily.com
or visit www.thebondedfamily.com
GOD CAN...take a stepfamily...From Broken to Blended to BONDED !

Blended Family Legacy in the Mirror

2008-03-27T18:47:00.008-05:00

LEAVE A LEGACY REFLECTING GOOD FOR HEARTS IN BLENDED FAMILIES

As water reflects a face,
so a man's heart reflects the man.
Proverbs 27 : 19

The incredible smile and inner beauty in the reflection of the young woman's face holds the level of joy and peace we all would like to see when we look in a mirror.

In step-family life, our countenance doesn't always reflect the true level of goodness that we generally hold in our hearts. Quite often parents misunderstand parents, parents misconstrue the facial expressions or comments of children, children take a simple scolding and feel 'thrown out of the house' by a step-parent... and even dogs and cats sense the tension and run fast under the couch or to another room, cause they thinks big trouble is at hand.

Why? Because the 'volume is turned up' in stepfamily life. Normal emotions and looks seem like giant emotions and looks. A look or a comment can mistakenly come across to someone as a scowl or a scream. Everything gets multiplied due to the carrying of baggage, the brokenness and hurt that can exist from either the parent or child's past. If we are aware of that...we can handle the 'volume turned up' scenario a little better.

We discuss this common dynamic in our workshops and conferences as not only being a behavioral aspect of step-family life but also being part of 'spiritual warfare'. It really does take place. There is good and evil in the world. Face it, know it, be prepared for it...and you can handle the moment better. Let there be no mistake...the evil one does want you and your blended family to fail. Divorce is a good thing to the devil. he (I never give him a capital letter) leads the charge in the family battle zone to take out your family. Do you know anyone else who thinks divorce is good?

You can win this battle! You have a bigger, stronger warrior to call upon if you trust God to provide you 'strength in the moment'. We're not saying there are some fundamental underlying and natural psychological family aspects to understand here...but God can 'calm the storm on the waters'. He did part the Red Sea. He did rise again on the third day. Ask Him in the moment of the storm.

God does not want you or I to be discouraged, upset, dissatisfied or unhappy. He came that we might have life and have it more abundantly. That's a promise you can trust. We are to look up to Him for answers... not unlike the young boy alondside his father in the bathroom. The son 'wants to be like Dad'. The Dad 'wants to care for his son'. The Son trusts the Father. That's where we should keep our focus as parents. Seek to be the strong Father, and a good listener to THE FATHER'S voice. Our Heavenly Father.

Seek to be the wise parent. Whether biological or step-child, children are the same in God's eyes. If they are the same in God's eyes, then let them be the same in yours. Yes, it can be hard. It's hard for the children too. Parents must lead.
It is important for parents to take the lead in letting God be the foundation and level set point for blended families. If you have a daughter - we have three - picture her as a young adult gazing into a mirror. Do you want to see her looking lost? Do you want her to go forth into life with a foundation that will last? What will our children's future hold? Can we look up to God and know that He can make a difference. YES.

In a recent blog post I shared a statistic that is worth repeating. THE HUSBAND AND WIFE WHO PRAY TOGETHER DAILY HAVE A LESS THAN EIGHT PER CENT (8%) CHANCE OF GETTING DIVORCED. Take that to the bank...or overdraw your life account and face the fees associated with trying things the broken ways.

God Can take a stepfamily from Broken to Blended to Bonded !

VISIT US AT: http://www.thebondedfamily.com
EMAIL US AT: info@thebondedfamily.com

Climbing the Blended Family Mountains!

2008-03-27T17:55:00.002-05:00

Let CHRIST be the CARABINER on your BLENDED FAMILY Climb.
Then we'll...See You at the Top !

Zig Ziglar's signature phrase is "See You at the Top!" Those of us who admire the 81 year old motivational phenom, know that his faith guides his life, and he credits the Lord with his rise to the pinnacle of speaking success. Zig links himself to Christ. As we have, Zig has seen God's goodness and glory in his life. He still teaches a Sunday School class at his home church, Prestonwood Baptist Church in Dallas TX. He arranges his schedule to make sure he is available to serve his home church. He stands strong in his faith as even in secular, non faith-based arenas, he always draws the large crowds to understand his ascension to the top of public speaking and business comes from his sold out faith in Christ.

BLENDED FAMILIES too can ascend to success by climbing the seemingly high mountains by hooking themselves to Christ...and each other by prayer and trusting God. When people are serious about climbing, the fully understand the gear that is needed. A 'Carabiner' is a way to hook each other together. It is generally locked. Can't be easily unhooked. That carabiner creates trust. The two people can trust they are on the ascension of the mountain together. There is safety that if one stumbles, the other is there. Then if they link their carabiner to God, they have found the ultimate safety cord.

In our seminars, we give out 'Carabiners' as a symbolic statement that the Husband and Wife need to be hooked together in their marriage. Neither outside pressure, internal family dynamics, nor children issues will allow them to fall. The 'carabiner' is a reminder that God has place the couple now together, without possibility of 'unhooking'. Then we place into the picture the ultimately third carabiner hook up to God. He is the total trusted safe and solid connection and the absolute link up.
And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him.
A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.
Ecclesiastes 4:12

Let's face it. Blending a family offers unique dynamics that rarely can be understood unless you are actually in the arena. We have been blessed to live through our own blended family ascent, facing the trials and stopping to enjoy the family 'vistas' that brought us great joy along the climb. Rebecca and I are absolutely 100% hooked together and our 'carabiner' is hooked to the Lord God Almighty.

Know this. I have stumbled fully at times in my life. Only by the grace of God am I climbing mountains today. You can too. It takes turning around your life and accepting that we need Jesus Christ in our lives.

REACH UP! HE IS THERE !

Bring some 'Carabiners' to your church or local community.
Visit us today at ...... http://www.thebondedfamily.com
or email us at ......... info@thebondedfamily.com

Blended Family Peace = A Praying Dad & Mom

2008-03-25T17:53:00.015-05:00

Sometimes...in blended families...when things seem very tough...and you can't figure it out...or find the right words...emotions may be hot...the 'step-family dynamics' are swirling...this is an alternative that will work...if you have enough faith to 'be still and know that God is God'.

MOM AND DAD...GRAB EACH OTHERS HANDS...
BE STILL...AND TALK WITH GOD IN PRAYER.
HE can handle it. REMEMBER...the Red Sea did part.
Smile, this too shall pass.

Exodus 14:13-14
"Moses told the people, Fear not; stand still (firm, confident, undismayed) and see the salvation of the Lord which He will work for you today. For the Egyptians you have seen today you shall never see again. The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest."

THEN...
the Red Sea did part and they passed through the challenge of the day...and the enemy they thought would destroy them.

And God's Promise to us for peace...if we lift up our prayers to Him in Phillipians 4:6-7
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

We have seen in our own family God's hand...and His power...and His peace..and His Goodness and Grace. YOU CAN TOO.

Tell Me When Blended Families Get a Fresh Start?

2008-03-05T15:47:00.010-06:00

Sometimes blended family parents feel banged up, beat themselves up emotionally, believe in a lie that they can't go on and are failing, and are struggling to find answers to lifes most important questions. They feel like 'man...we need a fresh start'.

The answer to that is in the pictures above...and the message at the end.

Our life and experience leads us to share there are indeed answers. They can be found in the ideas, concepts, provision and precepts of the Bible, in prayer, and in trusting that God is bigger than the challenge one is facing. Most of the time God is the 'last place' people turn. Funny how only when our lives, our nation, a family member or friend is on the line...do we turn to God.

A recent Kansas City Star newspaper poll found that 91% of there readers said 'they believe in God', but only 28% go to church regularly. People know God exists...but place Him on the shelf for when He is needed. That is kind of like having an M-16 rifle in your tent, and charging the enemy hill with a slingshot. We say... use the darn firepower if you want to win the battles.

We are trying to help families reverse the trend when thinking of 'looking upward'. We say "go first and go often". Kind of like voting in Chicago. (just kidding to all you Chicago readers) Seriously...we have seen it in our lives and the lives of others.

In our workshops and conferences people come to us with stories that encourage us that through our own examples and stories they were 'renewed' and start each day new.

Now we accept that some people will now quickly tune us out and say "I am out of here...not gonna listen to this God thing... Hey pal I got real problems!" OK... to those I ask read on, let me share documentable and proven research that is not from me. Common knowledge exists that the divorce rate hovers at 50%, whether non-believer or even yes, evangelical Christians. Just going to church doesn't make the difference. But check this out... time and time again studies (i.e. Barna Group) have shown that a husband and wife who prays daily or regularly together... the rate is below 10%. Below 10%! Is that a powerful weapon in the battle for victory or what??

As a Father to six children in a blended family, I would not be truthful if I didn't share that I have done and said some real bonehead things. We all have.
Our human nature simply is incapable of not doing or saying things we would like to then have a 'do-over' chance. I am thankful that the 'do-over' period is the next day. Apologize if needed. Ask for forgiveness and understanding if that is possible.

So that leads us to the FRESH START. We share what we believe should be the FOUNDATION and the ROCK of every family and that is the very basic importance that only God can create the unique and special bond in a blended family.

God does allow step-families - the parents and children - to have a fresh start daily. It's in His promise...the Word of God. God does promise you a 'new morning'. He is faithful. Stop beating yourself up and accept the 'new morning'. Make it better.

Scriptures shouts out to us every morning when we see the sun rise anew. We are told in Lamentations 3 : 21 -23 the following.

21 Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:

22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Blended Family Research Increases Knowledge, Understanding & Wisdom

2008-03-05T11:28:00.005-06:00

We came across what we believe to be a solid Blended Family article done by LINDA CARROLL, who does research and writes for MSNBC.

The story offers knowledge...and with knowledge comes understand and hopefully brings wisdom. You can take this as encouragement because you can keep hope flowing as you understand that your blended family is not alone. There are over 23 million households in America facing similar challenges. (see ABFA) Linda Carroll's article notes that in most new step-family situations teens struggle most with new step-parents. In particular her research finds teenage boys seem to have the most issues with 'step-fathers'.

We hear this often as we coach and work with blended families. We also saw it at times in our own family. Being a teenager is hard enough in any situation, given the maturing process, newfound freedoms and responsibilities, peer pressure, hormones and relationships. If internal 'whom do I choose as best' loyalty issues arise, or if disrespect is shown and modeled from the other homes bio-parent(s) toward your step-parenting role ... troubled waters will prevail. Parents are to be the leaders and the model that children observe and emulate. Be a positive influence. It will take a patient, positive parent who trusts God to shine brighest and bring long-term benefit to the child. If the struggle is one that maybe a 'peace summit' meeting between child and parents will help, do so. Remember foremost that Husband and Wife must stand strong together...no house divided. Take disagreements into a private room. If the negative influences are external, we encourage all blended family parents to pray and rise above personal feelings, hurts, frustrations, and upset with the 'other house' and make sure you coach and emulate 'respect and honor' in both families home.

IF YOU ARE A TEEN and reading this...we ask you too...to walk the extra mile and try to start each day new. We came across an interesting site for Children of Divorce.
www.generationcd.blogspot.com
They have surveys there. Children are not alone either.

Here is a link to the article we mentioned that we want to credit as fine work:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23071319/

Blended Family Baby Leads The Way

2008-02-29T15:17:00.024-06:00

On our Wedding Day in the top picture you see 5 wonderful children, as part of our blended family wedding. We encourage that to happen for all couples who are creating a 'step-family'. It is an important passage, a value and connection that takes place not only that day, but years later when the picture is viewed and better understood. It can be a positive message to a child that they fully are 'a part of something God has His hand upon'. It also allows them to be a part of the specialness of your wedding day.

The second picture holds the same wonderful five children at the wedding our our oldest. The picture also holds the girl in the flower girl wedding dress... the 'baby', the 'Ours', the sixth child that was and is wanted, and cherished, by all. This "Ours" daughter is often called the 'glue' of the family because her innocence, joy, and love for all equally offers a special unity to the family. She belongs equally to all in the family, and that is a gift from God to all of us.
Everyone loves her, hugs her with the most special of hugs, and there are no step-family dynamics or feelings outside of pure love for her.

I remember the pre-Thanksgiving night in 1996 when we gathered the five children in the living room... then ages 4,5,6, 10 and 13... for a special 'family meeting'. We shared that they were going to have a little brother or sister. Their smiles and eyes rose up, and if one could see into the heavenlies, you could see their very spirits unite together in a special way. They would have something 'together' and equal. Our youngest child shouted 'I won't be the baby anymore!' and all laughed with joy at the innocence and pure thrill in his voice.

Much has been written and psychologically analyzed about adding an "ours" child to the mix of a new blended family. Should we have a child together? When? What will it do to the other children? How will they feel? Is an 'ours' child a good thing in a blended family? First pray and be sure that the foundation of the marriage is resting with God and solid is your first pillar in the decision. If the love you have for 'family', and 'each other' and 'children' is secure...then we shout out 'Trust God and know He doesn't make mistakes.' Don't let the doubt and fear creep in. Fear and doubt come only from the devil who wants you to fail anyway, right? Know this. Don't anticipate battles with it.

REMEMBER to grab your Bible and head to EXODUS 14 : 13-14

Moses answered the people, 'Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. 14 The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

The LORD can and will fight your battles for you if you trust Him. We have seen this happen in our own lives and in the lives of other step-families. Some will doubt this. Remember...the Red Sea did part. :-)

We believe children in step-families truly in their 'heart of hearts' long to 'belong' and seek 'togetherness' in a complete way. They do want the acceptance, connection, and peaceful relationships because that is a basic child-like attitude... to want to have that special sense of family. That's why at The Bonded Family we are proponents of including children in the wedding, and yes, if an 'ours' child is wanted, to trust that God is with you in that.

We do not think that hyper-analysis of how an "ours" will affect the overall family should be allowed to be more than that...hyper analysis. In our own lives, and in working with hundreds of blended families across the nation, we have found that it is most often 'outside interference' that creates any rejection of that basic need to safely belong together. Taht interference is common and damages children and the new family. It is something you have to live through long term and trust God can and will handle and not our 'self'.

We can share that the positive value to a blended family of having a new 'ours' is big. The 'ours' child not only unites the 'yours' and 'mine' together, but it offers the marriage - which should come first in God's eyes - a special gift that no one can take away. There is nothing more special than seeing these six together.

It is by chance that we became a blended family, but by God's Hand we became a family. We would encourage those parents contemplating have an 'ours' child to first look at their marriage and place it in God's hand. Then joyfully and robustly go for it!.

Super Bowl...Blended Families Win !

2008-02-03T17:38:00.003-06:00

SUPER BOWL RESULTS !

Blended Families Win !

As I write this Super Bowl XLII has just begun, the Giants - the underdog - are driving, and all over America many are cheering. I don't know who will win this game, but I do know that in most cases we are a nation that traditionally shouts out 'America loves the underdog!'

Sometimes in the dynamics of stepfamily life, an 'underdog' role is one that is worn by families, parents or children as often the 'arena of life' presents itself with bumps and challenges. This blog entry is about how to find the way to victory..... in the Super Bowl of life.

Speaking of Super Bowl participants, I want to share a fantastic book and it's relationship to step-family life. In this last year it has been my privilege and honor to get to know Coach Les Steckel, who is the President / CEO of FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes). In 2006 he authored his autobiography entitled 'ONE YARD SHORT, Turning Your Defeats into Victories'. It is a 'must read book' for blended family parents. The title is derived from the final play of the 2000 Super Bowl between the St. Louis Rams and Steckel’s Titans, a play that has been called the most exciting play in Super Bowl history. (I remember our family - half cheering the Rams, half cheering the Titans - as our blended family of eight watched that incredible sports moment.)

Steckel’s book chronicles his life journey and his compelling stories and testimony makes it tough to put down once you start. I am in the middle of reading the book currently. It is a 'MEGA-ENCOURAGEMENT BLESSING' book that offers us yet another testimony to trusting in God and His incredible Hand. Anyyone in a blended family, adult or teen should read this book. It isn't just a sports book, a guy book, it's a life book. Moms, Grandmas and Daughters will love it also.

HOW DOES "ONE YARD SHORT" RELATE TO BLENDED FAMILY LIFE? Often in the dynamics of stepfamily life one feels like you are often behind, things look tough, it is 'fourth down', that you want to 'punt' and hope seems lost. That's when we really do need to 'put on our headset and call upstairs to get the next play to call'. What I mean by that is to 'look to God for your next move, how to handle a child or marriage scenario'. He will answer. He may not always give us the 'play' we want to call, but the PLAYBOOK (BIBLE) we are called to draw from does not offer mistaken advice. Check out the playbook of life (the Bible).

Find a Bible that holds in the back a "Concordance" or 'topics list'. There you can find answers to blended family common questions in areas like... patience, perseverance, hope, forgiveness, self-discipline, encouragment and most of all the promise you can trust of 'peace that surpasses all understanding.'

YES YOU CAN be a Super Bowl Champion-like Blended Family if you let our Lord God Almighty lead you in calling the signals in your family. Check out your playbook (Bible) today.

For more information on Coach Les Steckel and FCA, go to:
http://www.fca.org/AboutFCA/SeniorLeadership.lsp

American Blended Family Association

2008-01-29T08:35:00.001-06:00

American Blended Family Assn.
Blended Families...
Now Have A Voice
www.usabfa.com

We were honored and excited to have been asked to consult in the creation of, and subsequent invitation to become a Charter Member and Founding Partner, in the American Blended Family Association. Robert Sherwood, himself a long-time blended family Father, as well as a nationally recognized expert in many legal, corporate, internet and technology arenas is the CEO of ABFA (American Blended Family Association). ABFA will offer a united voice of support and strength for the 25+ million households where step-families / adoptions / foster homes... all forms of 'blended families'... can connect and be served as they work through unique and special dynamics. Close to 120 million Americans are directly affected by blended family life issues.

Discounts on products and services, political advocacy at state and federal levels, and family resources for improving blended family life are all part of the value of membership in ABFA. Giving up just one cup of coffee a month will allow you to join and be a part of something bigger than oneself, and make a difference for blended families across America.
ABFA exists to UNITE, ADVOCATE and SERVE.
For more information go to: http://www.usabfa.org/

Blended Families and Sunflowers?

2008-01-27T14:12:00.000-06:00
Blended Families and Sunflowers...
Should Have One Thing In Common...
They Look Up...to the Sun (Son)

As Rebecca and I work with blended families / step-families throughout the nation we offer a clear message that trusting and 'looking upward to God for success' has been for us, and can be for most, a key to blended family success. I found an interesting 'looking up' analogy for blended families, that also would be a great 'day trip' for families within a 100 miles of Kansas City. A visit to the World's Largest Sunflower Collection in Lenexa, KS. (which by the way has terrific parks, hotels, restaurants, etc)

Bill Nicks, an Advisory Boardmember of The Bonded Family ministry happens to be the curator of the World's Largest Sunflower Collection, which is an incredible mix of over 3400 items that use the sunflower as a design element. The state motto of Kansas is "Ad Astra Per Aspera". That motto translates from the Latin to: "To The Stars Through Difficulties." (some excerpts from Bill Nicks blog) When the Kansas State motto is joined with the Kansas State Flower, the two speak volumes about the type of people who settled Kansas."To The Stars Through Difficulties" seems to describe the Sunflower's, and Kansans', lot in life. The Sunflower keeps her eye on the Sun (A Star), all the while her roots are dealing with difficulties. And Kansas has her share of difficulties, such as: drought, strong winds, floods, poor soils, tornadoes, snow drifts and temperature extremes. (I wrote on these 'climate' trails in a previous blog about TREE RINGS)

Just as it took hardy people to populate Kansas long ago, the message from the state motto / state flower to "LOOK UP" and 'follow the Sun' jumps out. Blended Families should 'look up' and 'follow the Son'...in this case the Son of God. If we all - parents, children, former spouses, in-laws, grandparents, etc - would all keep looking up and just like the Sunflower does look up and follow the brightest light that gives light, in our thoughts the Son of God Almighty, perhaps our step-family success might represent the hardy nature of Kansans long ago.

Bill Nicks has a special blog with great stories: http://wlsfc.blogspot.com/

So if you find yourself reading this and a Blended Family parent, become like that field of Sunflowers, LOOK UP and FOLLOW THE SON and you can rise up with your family in success.